Nice Sunday

Today was a good day! Last night the girls had their friends sleep over. Isaiah slept till 11 a.m.!! Nice! I made chocolate ganache cupcakes. They were good. My mom said I am back to my old self. Savannah is in the bathtub pretending she is a mermaid. Haley told me to write that, haha. But when my iron was so low and I was sick I didn't bake at all. My mom always says I am like my grandma, she was a really good cook/baker. When I bake and cook I feel close to my grandma. Plus I love cooking and baking for my family. Being a wife and mom can be draining yet so rewarding all in the same breath. Today Jeremiah and Isaiah went to my mom's and did yard work. Jeremiah is like an inch and a half taller than my aunt sheila. She wasn't too happy about that, hehe... Darnell's mom bought Jeremiah's school shoes and he had to get a size 12 in mens! OMG!! he's gonna be tall like his daddy! I went to get the boys from my mom's house and when we got home Darnell was home from work and he had done the dishes from my mess I made from making cupcakes! He really is awesome. I absolutely love him so much!!! He works hard for us, he helps me at home, he doesn't complain. I am the big complainer, lol.. gotta work on that. Darnell is generally a very positive person, and I need to be more like that. Tomorrow morning, I do NOT have to get up and take anyone anywhere!!! for 2 whole weeks, I don't have to do any major running around!!! I really want to enjoy the last 2 weeks of summer. Hopefully it won't get so blasted hot again. On Labor day weekend my dad will be here!! I can't wait to see him. Plus I'll be getting together w/ my brothers and their families. It's so crazy that I will meet them, meet my nieces and nephews! Since Jeremiah was born everyone has said how much J looks like Darnell, now we see such similarities from my dad's side of the family. Who woulda thought? I have to say, my babies are gorgeous! No matter how old they are, they'll always be my babies. No matter how ornery I get, how crabby, at the end of the day, my kids and Darnell are my world.

Blessings!!!

In the last week, God has provided in some incredible ways! It seems as if things are coming together! I am completely humbled by how God provides and who he uses to bless people. My girls are at camp and having a blast I am sure! Darnell got his raise, he got some overtime too. School starts soon, woo-hoo! Isaiah is on new meds and man is it hard on him. He had a rough morning. It was like a flash back of last summer. I am hoping the rest of the week goes better. Life is unpredictable w/ him. I have this book on how to deal w/ difficult kids. To even admit that you have a difficult child is hard. And, even harder to realize I will always have a difficult child unless something changes drastically. The saying" One day at a time" takes on a whole new meaning.
I watched a documentary on the homeless that live in Orange County, CA. Very very sad. These families that live like a block away from Disney land but live in a hotel room. Whole families living in a one room place. The kids have nothing to look forward to, they have so many life experiences that are so sad. Makes me very appreciative for my family and what we have!!

Humbling

So today I am laying in bed praying for groceries. Literally thinking about my bare fridge and freezer and cupboards.. trying to figure out how we are going to pay bills, buy groceries, gas, etc.. Isaiah walks in my room w/ a huge squash and cucumber from our neighbors garden. To me, that was complete confirmation that God will provide. I am pretty open about my life but to admit that we dont have hardly any groceries is even hard for me to publisize. But it's the truth. Everything is on Empty. Even the van. But I feel like sharing this will help someone. I don't know who, but I will tell you what, when people open up, and you share your struggles you find that so many are in the same boat but you also can be a support to each other. Darnell works dang hard and it's frustrating when everything is so expensive and it's hard to make ends meet. We don't qualify for any kind of help so even though we are in a rough spot, I know God will provide. He always does. It's humbling, it's scary, but this is life. Our list of things we literally need is endless, but if I focus on that alone, I'll be in a very dark place! I choose to trust in God, my provider. It's not always easy but it is necessary. When I share so much on facebook, on my blog, it's not because I just love to spill it all for the whole world. Part of it is, that's just how I am. But I also believe that I am not the only feeling the way I do, going thru these struggles..if we are going to go thru them, why not at least go thru it together.

A fly on the wall...

I Wish I could be a fly on the wall in other people's houses. Not in a creepy kind of way, but to see other people's reality.. I see people, our friends, church friends, family who seem to have it together. Like they don't thave that nagging worry in the back of their mind about bills, family situations, etc... It would be nice to see not that someone else's struggle, but that I'm not the only one. I guess that is part of the reason I am so transparent. I don't hold too much back. Obviously, or I wouldn't have this blog! We struggle, it seems as if we have always struggled finacially. And it's sort of a taboo thing to really talk about. We have been extremely blessed in so many ways by so many people. sometimes I am sorta scared to even ask God for another miracle or what have you.. like I met my quota. However I know God will meet our needs. I know so many people are worse off and I pray for them as well. In spite of all we have gone through, I am still amazed that we are blessed in so many ways. Today, I am going to focus on what God has done for us and that he promises to meet our needs.
The kids go back to school in a month! Whoo-hoo!! lol.. I am hoping we can get Jeremiah into the Real School w/ Haley. we'll see!

complaining.....

I feel blah. I started a new medication and I think the change is catching up to me. I feel so unmotivated and icky. To have depression can be so hard. It's not something everyone understands. How do I describe that I feel basically like crap. like I don't want to be around anyone, I don't have the energy to do anything, and it seems like I constantly have a headache. I feel like a big whiner.
On a positive note, we got an old fashioned push mower today. Pretty cool. My dad will be here on Sunday. Isaiah's done w/ summer school. I had a rough week w/ him. I think that may be part of why I feel the way I feel. He goes to the Dr. this week. His meds have been tweaked, but I don't think enough. Some days I just feel so unequipped to handle this. I feel weak and emotional. I know and have heard a million times that I need to be positive and that whole speech, well it's real hard to feel that way when I already fight depression as it is. I already feel like I am not a good mom, or that I am not doing all the right things. Oh whatever, I need to just shut up for now.

Don't Sweat the small stuff!

Our van needs to be fixed. It started w/ the tail lights not working then the brake lights, now it's the whole steering column and some electrical stuff that needs to be fixed. My uncle who is a mechanic said not to drive it b/c it could start on fire. It's our only vehichle...so the girls didn't go to playgrounds today. In the past, meaning several years ago, I really really would be panicking...now, I am not happy about it, but I am not going to lose my mind over it. Darnell has his truck for work so we don't have to worry about him getting to work. Other than that, there isn't anywhere else we HAVE to be. we have plenty of family and friends to help us out w/ going to the grocery store etc....It's not the end of the world if the kids miss playgrounds, it's not like it's school. They were disappointed but I really have realized that obviously life throws us curve balls, we need to just roll with it. So, I'm rolling! haha.. This week is Isaiah's last week of summer school. What WILL I do w/ him until the school year starts again? cross that bridge when we get to it! I am not sure what his schedule is going to look like in the fall, if he'll be going for half days again or full days.. we'll see. We've been having issues again w/ him having huge episodes, the Dr. increased on of his meds. I am hoping to see some improvement. I can honestly say though that although his episodes drain the life out of me, well maybe I'm being a little dramatic, haha, but it's sorta the truth, he's not getting violent w/ me. That is awesome. I am reading a book about how to deal w/ difficult kids. I need a manual I think!!! Like one that tells me how to handle a howling 6 yr old when he can't do something and just doesn't have the capibility to understand why not. we'll figure it out as we go. Then maybe I'll write a book, lol...

I am blessed. I feel content. There are so many that are worse off, so I am not going to sweat the small stuff.!

Venting..

Well, I am in no way trying to have a pity party for myself, this IS my blog, so I need to vent. Continue reading at your own risk and do not judge what I am complaining about because you just shouldn't, lol... First of all, we need NEW tires for our van BADLY!! there's a fuse or something out so our tail lights are out, our head lights are out so we have to use or brights, we have NO gas, no money for gas. WE energies sucks the life out of our bank account, and so that leaves no money for anything. I suppose I may be putting a voice to the same $$ problems so many others are dealing with but just might not be blogging/complaining about like I am. I would just like some finicial relief. can't even spell that, lol....D's stressed, I'm stressed...I have faith that God will provide, he always does I just am feeling very weary today. Oh and the registration on our van needs to be renewed. Kids will need school clothes in a month... I could go on and on, somehow blurting it all out sorta makes me feel better, less crap rolling around in my head I guess... It's been a rough week with Isaiah. I am very thankful it's not like it used to be, but he's gotten pretty worked up this week...time to adjust the meds I think. Well if anyone who may stumble across this, please if you will, say a prayer for our family. I believe God will work this out. Thanks