Monday, April 23, 2012

New Church!

Yesterday we went to church and then in the evening went to a praise and worship night. I have hesitated to write about this, but I'm so excited about our new church that I just can't not talk about it. See, I spent my ENTIRE life at the same church. The last 5 years or so I have pretty much had one foot out the door. There were circumstances that caused me to not be able to attend church but in all honesty my heart was slowly detaching from that church, for various reasons. I didn't know what to do. Our kids loved going and I didn't and wasn't going to get in the way of that. So I would drop them off on Wednesday nights. However I wasn't going to church at all and I was starting to feel it, spiritually. And to go to a different church just felt wrong. I didn't even know how to go about it really especially since Darnell worked on Sunday mornings. I didn't want to go to a new place by myself w/ the kids. Well several months ago a friend of mine had suggested trying out "Great Lakes church" in Kenosha. I really wanted to go and check it out, but it must not have been the right time. So in March Darnell happened to have a sunday off and we decided to go and check it out. Well I knew IMMEDIATELY that was our new church. It just got better from there...Darnell got a new job that now he has Sunday's off. And to top it all off there's going to be a Racine campus of Great lakes Church starting in the fall. Darnell is going to be one of the youth directors....or whatever you wanna call it. I've gone to church for the last 6 weeks. I haven't gone to church that consistently in YEARS. 
I will be honest and say it was hard to actually be totally done at a church I grew up in, got baptized and married in. However I know God has a plan. This is about HIM and his will for our lives. I'm finding myself looking forward to church again and realizing that God sometimes has to change things up to get your attention. He's got mine! I love my new church but I love even more that God is working in my life. 
On another note, I seem to be on a headache spree...they just aren't quitting. They get better for a little while however it just doesn't go away. It's frustrating. It saps my energy. Physically I just feel like crap. 
All in all, I'm pumped about to see what God is going to do in our lives, in this all new chapter. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Very Candid Post

Well life is slowly changing here in the Hoaglund household. As I am dealing w/ this what I  finally am calling it what it is... severe depression..I am realizing that I have a long way to go! Last week I began the beginning of my path to becoming a real survivor instead of victim. I started therapy. The real deal w/ a real Dr. We also are going to therapy for Isaiah.

He has seen that Dr. once, which ironically was an evening that he was raging...but right now Darnell and I are seeing the Dr and pretty much brainstorming and well, trying to figure out how to deal w/ Isaiah in the best way we can that will help Isaiah and help us. So lots of therapy going on over here. Some people don't want the world to know when they are seeing a "shrink" but for me, it's almost a must to let people know because I need to be held accountable. Because of this ugly depression I deal with~ I honestly would rather stay in bed and not have to go anywhere. I have a hard time, a lot of the time, going to appointments, going anywhere really. It's just easier to stay where I am comfortable. But I know there's so much more out there. God has a plan for me and I know that I need to fight for this.  
I want to get better not only for myself, but for my husband and kids. I am NO where near the kind of wife or mom I want to be for them. I realize that. So..I'm fighting. I know some days are going to be better than other. I also am dealing w/ this weight I have gained which weighs heavily on me( no pun intended, lol) I am working on me. Not easy, not fun. but worth it. I am worth it. I have to keep telling myself that. And if that is enough some days, my husband and kids are.