Saturday, May 29, 2010

Spent the day w/ my dad!

I spent the day w/ my dad today. I still can't believe it. It was the 2nd time in my life, and the 1st time in 15 years! My kids met their grandpa for the first time. It was an amazing day! The kids were a little stand off-ish...I think they were a little overwhelmed. But all in all, it was great! It felt good to hug my dad. I wish we didn't live so far away. I am so thankful for this 2nd chance. I feel like a void has been filled. I grew up in a great home w/ my mom. She loved me, took care of me, did everything she could to make sure I had a stable life. And I did. My dad was not a part of my childhood for various reasons, none of which matter anymore. I feel like there was always a part of me that was missing, sounds cliche I guess, but it's true. My mom did an awesome job. And she is absolutely supportive of my new found relationship w/ my dad. I am very blessed!

I am loving our new house. The view is beautiful, the house is great...I am so thankful for this new chapter in our life. It's been a rough, well it's been a rough few years really. I feel like we are turning a corner. THANK GOD!!! Thru all the struggles and strife, God shows up and turns it all around. Sure, life isn't perfect, however we were never promised it would be. We were promised that God would never leave us or forsake us. Not matter what. I am going to bed tonight feeling better than I have in a long time. Not just because I saw my dad today, but because God is good. I have a wonderful husband that loves me unconditionally, 4 beautiful children, and 2 parents that love me. Does it get any better?

Friday, May 28, 2010


Well we are ALMOST done moving. It seems to be taking forever, however, w/ 4 kids, Darnell working, and my back going out, I think we are doing ok. This post, I will warn you is coming from an overtired, emotional, stressed out mom. lol. I was watching Isaiah this week wait at the bus stop for the girls to get off the bus. He was standing there, talking to himself, making some weird hand motions... it just hurts my heart to see how different he is , sometimes. Not all the time, but he is so, so innocent. He has no idea that the way he sees the world is soo different than the rest of us. I am terrified of him being a part of a world that will maybe take advantage of him. And not knowing how he'll mature, how things will pan out makes me scared. I know I have to trust God, but I'll be honest and just say right out, I have many moments when my feelings, my emotions just get the best of me. I mean, I'm a mom...I want the VERY best for my kids. I know I am not a fun mom. seriously, I'm not. I want to be. work in progress. I need to quit sweating the small stuff and enjoy my kids. Darnell is the fun one. Sometimes I feel extremely inadequate in comparison. I am NOT saying this for ANYONE to stroke my ego. This is how I feel. period. I don't need reassurance from anyone to make me feel better. This is how I feel right now. Life has changed so much lately. It's starting to catch up to me I think. I want to go on vacation and come home and have everything be in it's place, clean and settled. lol... This summer will be 16 years that Darnell and I have been together. He was 16 when we started dating. WOW! I miss the early days when everything felt new, when I had butterflies at the sight of him. Now, all these years later, my love for him is deeper and stronger than ever. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I guess I just miss those feelings of things being new. Once you are married, have kids, deal w/ crisis and life and reality, your conversations change from ones of what the future holds to that of what should I make for dinner, one of the kids needs a permission slip signed, you get the idea. I honestly would make the effort to be more romantic, but I have no idea what to do. With all this being said, I am so thankful for my marriage. I have a husband who works his booty off for us, doesn't complain, loves us more than life itself. That alone is ALOT more than a lot of women have. I try very hard not to take it for granted. I also think I watch too many silly romance movies, lol... not to mention I am exhausted, emotionally drained and it's past midnight, so tomorrow I may read this and want to delete it, lol...I have said before, my blog is a place for me to VENT....type out what is rolling around in my head...some of it is rational, some of it is not, there you have it.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Beautiful morning!

I am sitting in my new living room, from any of our front windows I can see Lake Micigan in all it's beautiful glory! Today the sun it out, the fog is starting to fade and it's gorgeous out. We still have another load or 2 at the old house. Then cleaning. I screwed up my back pretty bad. Friday I woke up and literally could hardly move. I was SOBBING it hurt so much. Felt like back labor that wouldn't quit. I ended up going to the chiropractor( who happens to own our new house, lol).. she adjusted me. Thank God. However I still can't do nearly as much as I''d like to, or my back starts hurting again. So, even though I wanted to get this show on the road and be done moving and be settled, it's going to take a bit longer. Oh well. Last night we went to Jodi and Jim Pritikin's for dinner. It was so much fun, the kids played outside the whole night, the 4 adults just sat around a fire and talked and laughed. It was a very nice and much needed break! Darnell had to go back to work today. I feel bad for him b/c I know he's exhausted from all the moving and knowing we still have a little bit more to go..We still have to get our washing machine over here and get our good dryer fixed and get it over here. Getting really backed up on laundry will NOT help the overwhelming feeling I already have! I feel like a new chapter is opening in our life. This one is closing and let me just say, I want to slam the door shut and never look back, lol...This season of transition is good. I know God has new things for us. And what's even better, it's not even June yet. We will be completely done w/ the old house by June 1st I will be seeing my dad again for the 2nd time in my whole life next weekend. summer is here, life is good. Well I am going to find the energy to start the day!

Friday, May 21, 2010


We are 90% moved. We slept in our new home for the first time last night. I woke up this morning w/ the most excrutiating pain I've ever had except when I was in labor. My lower back hurt so flippin bad I was sobbing. I had to have Isaiah put one of my socks on! Darnell was supposed to go on Haleys field trip w/ her, but there was no way I would've been able to bring Isaiah to school. I layed around all day, icing my back and sleeping.. Then I went and saw Dr Sally ( who owns our house ironically) and she adjusted me. I am new to this whole chiroprator thing, geez I can't even spell it right, lol....Even one of my ribs was out of whack, it hurt just to take a deeep breath. This is a VERY bad time for me to be out of commission. For months I have been in my "cave" aka bedroom w/ my ice and laptop, now we are moving, life is changing, I have the energy to do things, put my house together, and now I am stopped dead in my tracks. I did a little unpacking of our clothes tonight, but even that hurt. My poor hubby is working his tail off to get everything all done. He's exhausted too. The kids are ROCKSTARS! They have helped soooo much this week. All Darnell said at the beginning of the week was that we all had to pitch in and help....well my kids took that very seriously. They worked their butts off and did not complain once! THey didn't expect anything in return, they even had an excellent attitude while working. I am one very proud mamma right now. They are handling this move well. I personally think that we reassured them that change is a part of life, and at the end of the day, our family being togehter, healthy and happy is what matters most. I think that makes them feel secure and they look at change as an adventure. God has blessed me w/ very precious children, and a husband who just is amazing. I am feeling very thankful, inspite of this back issue. It will all come together....everything will be in it's place at some point, even if it's not right now, which is what I want, lol..So...I am hoping it is sunny out tomorrow so we can wake up to a beautiful view of the lake right across the street!

Friday, May 14, 2010


Life is ever changing. As a rule, I am not a fan of change. Especially when waiting is involved. However, this change that is occuring is taking time and I am not real thrilled about this. Let's get it over with already. We are going to be moving, but it's a process. I just want it to be DONE. I know God is working and I need to be patient. I admittedly am not patient by nature. far from it. Maybe I should just learn to be patient and I can stop going around this mountain. I also am realizing that I need to relax. Not like physically, but I need to stop letting whatever way the wind blows knock me down. Yes we've dealt w/ more challenges than alot, BUT you'd think I would have thicker skin by now. I'm working on it.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Change is good!

Well my life is just changing rapidly!!! We are moving, we are PRAYING we get this house we looked at on Michigan Blvd, when you look out the front windows, you see lake Michigan! We would have 2 wrap around porches, one on the 2nd floor, and then one on the main floor. It really feels like the right house for us. However, I am letting God take the lead. I have not felt this much relief or peace regarding our home/moving in a LONG time! Unfortunately the house we live in will end up in forclosure, even if we had decent enough credit, we wouldn't be able to buy it b/c the house isn't worth what's owed on it. So once we move, it will feel like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders! God works in such mysterious ways. I
I have been extremely irritable and crabby yesterday and today and I feel bad because I was kinda snarky to the kids. I always tell them I'm sorry nd ask them to forgive me for being unkind. My kids are awesome!

I have recently met thru another friend, a new friend , Genise . She is absolutely awesome. So genuine, caring, a very wonderful person.I am so blessed by the friends God has put in my life.
Well Ithink that's all today.. starting to get sleepy!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

And the saga continues!

Life still is or feels like it's slowly falling apart. I will admit, I do not automatically look at the glass as half full. I try and fail. I have been reading and reading God's promises that he WILL take care of us and provide. I guess his timing is different than mine. I'm not liking this whole wait and see gig....Maybe I should get a clue, for example, when Haley was first born, we heard a hundred million times, " well we just have to wait and see....see how she grows, develops and a bunch of other variables...then w/ Isaiah again, well we kinda have to wait and see how he's going to mature, if he will, blah blah blah. So going round and round this mountain is getting OLD. Maybe I need a slap upside the head. But seriously, how does one completely change your thought process, how you deal w/ stress, how to be level headed? I haven't figured it out yet. I am sure I could easily hear from any number of people that I should return to going to church..well no offense, but I went to church my ENTIRE life..and right now, I know GOD has given me the ok to NOT GO! So, I do not believe that God is allowing all this to happen just to get me back in church. I've been reading and praying scripture left and right. Hanging on for dear life.
God never fails us. I believe that. I am giving everything I can to hold on, trust and try not to whine, although the whole whining thing is kinda hard, i will admit.
I am making a huge effort to see the good in my life. I mean seriously, I have a hubby that worships the ground our kids walk on, he's faithful, loving, a hard worker, I could go on forever. I have 4 amazing kids that just yesterday I got a very sincere compliment from someone who had seen them for a total of 5 minutes and he said " I can tell your kids are good kids, I wish my brother's kids were lke that" I have an awesome support system, awesme family... I could go on. So I will leave it at that. I am ever thankful for the blessings in my life, This crap happening right now, will pass....

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Well, we have to move out of our house. It's not something that I am happy about, but financially we are just tapped out. We have been chasing our tails for months. I feel bad because our original intention was to buy this house, but it's just not going to work. We now are looking for a new place to live. We have a couple good leads, at this point we are just trusting God. Psalm 25 is my favorite right now. I am fighting anxiety and depression and doing my best to give it all to God. We need some relief...