seriously...

I need to lose some weight, seriously. I look at old pics, from like 2 years ago and cringe. However, if I look at pics from 6 years ago, where I am at right now isn't too bad...I will be quite honest and say I do not feel attractive or pretty or dare I say "sexy", LOL...but really I don't. I don't put the effort into it either though. I know if I was working out regularly that would help. I guess sometime I think about my age, I'm 33, have 4 kids and have been married for almost 14 years. I feel older. I think maybe I need to lighten up a bit. Have more fun w/ the kids, laugh more..not take life so seriously. work in progress i guess. taking the kids to the park.. blog more later...

Summer is here!

Summer vacation has been in full swing for a week now. Kids started playgrounds on Monday. Isaiah will start summer school next week. I am praying he will get on the bus. That will be a huge accomplishment for him. Haley got her report card back and she got straight A's!!! We are so proud of her!!! I am really enjoying our new home. I still have stuff to go thru, mostly in the basement and I have to get out in the yard and clean up the weeds.. well maybe I'll have the kids do the weeds!
Now that I am no longer nearly as stressed out as I was, my weight and needing to lose it is at the forfront of my mind. THe thing that triggered it was put on, well tried to put on a pair of shorts from last summer and they are too tight. I have gained about 30 lbs. Now I need to lose that. I'd like to lose more than that, but even if I just lost 30 to start, I'd feel better. It honestly doesn't help that until we get caught up finacially, we are buying cheap, easy meals. And my ice chewing habit is no longer an issue. Well I can't take ANY credit for quitting, lol, when we moved, we had to leave the fridge w/ the ice maker! haha! it's good thing though! But when I used to munch on ice now i'm finding myself wanting to eat more at night. anyway,... something to defiantely work on. It is a quiet afternoon. The kids are down at the park. I'm bringing them to church in an hour.

countdown begins...

Well the countdown begins, 3 days left of school left. Haley will be a 6th grader..oh man that is weird! My bday is on Thursday. 33. another weird! oh well, can't change it mine as well go with it! I am liking our new house more and more. I love having a decent bathroom, not having to worry about if something breaks we can call the landlord and it will be fixed. Honestly, for so long I wanted to own a home so bad. Not so much anymore. W/ the market being in the toilet, and not having the resources to keep up w/ owning a home, I am totally fine w/ renting. Ya can't take the deed to your home w/ you when you die anyways, so I'm over that. lol...Someday it will happen I suppose. Right now, I have no desire to work or go to school. I am blessed that I don't have to do either right now. Eventually I will. I know God will spark that in me again when it's time. Now isn't the time and I'm completely ok w/ that! Well ths is short tonight.. i'm sleepy!

WOW...how fast life can change..

I am thinking about how much life has changed in just one month. One month ago I was just barely used to the idea of moving, now we are all moved. Well all but one desk, a grill and that's it. We are in an awesome home, it's starting to feel like home. I feel like I can finally take a breath. Yesterday I worked for an hour and a half and cleaned the old stove and fridge..It probably shouldn't have taken that long, but w/ my back hurting, it took me a little longer. Plus I pulled both out and cleaned behind and underneath. Let me just say, now that we are moved and everything if fresh and clean... I WILL keep up on all the tedious things like cleaning behind the fridge and stove. Im thankful for a new season in my life, a new season literally with summer starting. My 33rd birthday is next week. WOW! when I used to think of myself of being in my 30's , I somehow thought i'd be someone else, sorta. Does that make sense? LOL... In reality, I am a wife, I'm a mother of a teenager, a pre-teen, and 2 kids still in elementary school. When I look back at old pics, I miss terribly the days when they were babies. Well not entirely. I do enjoy the quiet days. I do enjoy seeing and witnessing watching my kids grow into themselves....I feel like they are growing into wonderful, beautiful human beings. It just goes so fast. This year Darnell and I have been together 16 years. half our lives. WOW!! I am blessed. Yes we face challenges most don't...but for whatever reason, Darnell chose ME, he loves ME, we have 4 gorgeous kids, we have spent the last 16 years growing up together, raising our kids, and will continue to do so. I used to think once the kids got past being toddlers life would be.. well I couldnt think past that. Now that we are past that, I find myself still watching them sleep, still taking tons of pictures of them, still being proud of who they are, that I get to be their mom! God picked ME to be their mom. what an honor. I do NOT take that for granted. Darnell and I still are in love. I used to be sooo insecure, so unsure of myself, yet all this time has gone by and Darnell is still by my side. I have given him a run for his money, lol... not in a bad way per say, but he married a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, who tends to be over emotional, over dramatic ( and we wonder where Savannah gets it from, HA)....a girl who has documented mental issues, lol, well maybe I am stretching that a bit, but really, I'm on prozac for goodness sake.I'm not ashamed or embarrassed. It is what it is. Some people can deal w/ stress and the things we've dealt w/ and not bat an eyelash.I however am not one of them . Sadly it is genetic. Thanks Mom and dad, lol......seriously though, I am who I am for better or worse of for some reason Darnell is in love with me. And I am in love with him. Right now he is emotionally stronger than me...but I think that just the ebb an flow of reality.......I still can take one look at my kids and immediately know if something is off, Haley can cath and yes this is gross but the God Honest thruth, can tell by the smell of her urine if something is off. I can take one look at Isaiah and probably tell you what kind of day it is. Jeremiah is a teenager, however he is NOT like other kids.......he's thougthful an loving and thinks to ask me how my day was....he's just like Darnell and Savannah is our comic relief....just hearing her laugh and giggle can make me feel better....kids are the best medicine. Our kids handle life well. they are awesome

Why do I care what people think about me???

So some stuff has been rolling around in my brain, so I figure my blog is as good a place as any to let it all out. My question to myself, and well whoever, is, WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME?? I mean really...I am pretty much an open book. However, there is still a part of me that holds back in case I might give someone the wrong idea about me or whatever. The thruth is, I am me. Take me or leave me. I have struggled w/ an issue and honestly I do not believe it's conviction, it's me worrying about what people, may think. So here it is. Tonight I took a hot bath in my awesome new soaker bath tub, reading a good book and enjoyed ONE glass of wine. I grew up w/ it drilled into my head that drinking of any sort is wrong. Then I am reminded of how people in bible times drank wine w/ every meal. I didn't drink to get drunk. So.. why do I feel weird? Well I'll tell you, it's because I'm afraid that"people" will think I'm not a christian, blah blah blah. I am also reminded that what may convict one person, willl not convict someone else. So.. with that being said, if you look at my facebook, you will see that I did enjoy one glass of wine tonight. Am I drunk? NO. Do I feel bad? NO. Why am I explaining all this? because I beleive sometimes when you DON'T explain things, people, friends, family get the wrong idea. So I don't need an intervetion, I am not going off the deep end ( if that was going to happen it would've happened already!)...As I have gotten older, I have realized that things in moderation are good. So enough of that. Just felt the need to put it out there, this is me, this is how I feel, and I'm all good!

Today was Haley's 5th grade graduation ceremony, she won 4 awards. She was nominated for a really big award and was a runner up. We are so proud of her. I took pics so they will be posted later. I also am proud of myself for getting the kitchen at the old house clean, for the most part. The floors, fridge and stove are done. That was the hardest part. There are a few little things left, and we are FINALLY done!!!!! Let me just say, I hate the moving process. I am overwhelmed and thankful for how God has provided for us, so I'm not complaining. I just am saying I am exhausted!!!!! Darnell has to work overtime tomorrow. I am anxious to let my back relax a bit and get everything settled here at our new house. We have a lot of CRAP!!! I am almost losing count w/ how many trips to Good will I have made. But it's almost done!!! Well I am heading out for the night!