Monday, September 28, 2009

Chilly Monday Morning

I have Haley home today w/ what I think may be the flu. She went to bed last night w/ a bad stomache...woke up still feeling yucky. Yesterday was a great day. Darnell was off, so we went to church, as a family for the first time in a long time. I am soo very thankful that Darnell has a job, but I wish he was off on Sundays. But for now it's ok. We went to the RFKC picnic and had a great time. Then we went to the Willoughby's for pizza on the grill! That was awesome! We had such a great time! This morning I dropped Isaiah off at school earlier, before I dropped J off. We are going to see if this will work. With him going at 10;20 he's missing all of his reading, which he desperately needs to be in. So.. I am praying he will continue to be excited to go in early. Still can't get him on the bus, but I don't mind bringing him. It's progress in the right direction!! I'm feeling good today! I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends...God is GOOD!!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Savannah's new glasses

It's Friday, Darnell was off today. I slept almost all day. I got up and took a shower and then took Savannah to get her new glasses. They are purple and she got a "that's so raven" pink case for them. She looks adorable. She cracks me up. Some of the things that come out of her mouth.. I swear she's going to be a stand up comedian some day. I am still struggling w/ this "funk" I just can't get motivated. We got Isaiah's room put together. We got him a Packers comforter set..looks so cool. I have to say he's been so much better lately. He comes up and hugs me, gives me kisses and tells me he loves me. He just didn't do that before hardly at all. I see my therapist on Wednesday. It's a good thing. I can barely stand myself and how I have a million thoughts runnning thru my head yet don't do a single thing. SOOOO frustarting.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


I didn't feel good at ALL today, I dropped Isaiah off at school early b/c it was picture day. That was soo nice. I can't wait till he's in a regular class all day. I came home and basically slept on and off all day...I took the kids to church and Darnell picked them up. I feel so blah. I also am sick to death of hearing myself saying that..haha. I get bursts of energy but this depression/funk whatever just is hard to work thru. I have an appt. next Wednesday night w/ my psychologist. I need a voice of reason ( other than those close to me) that can be objective. Right now, I'd rather just be left alone and sleep all the time...I am feeling very guilty for not being more involved w/ the kids. Darnell seems to have endless energy or he is jsut able to push thru and I can't. I feel bad about that too. I chew ice like a freaking fool.. I see the oral surgery tmrw for a consultation about getting 2 more molars pulled and then my regular dentist will replace all the teeth that have been pulled. That alone will be such a relief. I don't want to be a whiner. Just honest. real. I do make a conscious effort to see all the positives in my life. I also realize I set unrealistic goasl for myself, then don't meet them and beat myself up over it. gotta work on that. Well I need to sign off.. too tired to type anymore

Monday, September 21, 2009

My husband

My Husband. Darnell Wayne Hoaglund. He is like none other. He loves despite my many imperfections..he sees something in me that I don't see.. the good and the bad and loves me...even likes me... still. There are not many men like him. Someday, hopefully there will be 2 more like him, our 2 sons. They have an excellent example. He's self-less, always puts others before himself, remembers all the little things, does spontaeous things to surprise me, plays w/ our kids even when he's dog tired! I love him more than I can put into words!!!

Different subject... I WISH I was OCD or a perfectionist.. maybe that would motivate me to clean my house the way I want, get all the little things done I want to get done. Neat freaks aren't lazy. I'm not always lazy, but have been feeling very lazy lately. I guess all this time on my hands gets my mind am thankful for God's mercy and grace. Till next time.............

Not Me Monday!!

Not me Monday is a mom's chance to admitt some of our short comings as mothers, be real about all the imperfections about motherhood! So here goes!

~ I did not allow my son to eat a popsicle AGAIN for breakfast so I wouldn't have to fight w/ him...I mean it probably has less sugar than a pop tart right? That was my reasoning and it works for us!
I would never allow my self expressive 9 year old daughter walk out the door in a an unmatching, stained outfit that even her 12 yr brother questioned..nope not me... I definately would NOT take a picture of it!!!
Can you image a mother that would time her son as to how long it takes to run upstairs to get something SHE forgot just so she didn't have to go get it herself? I can't imagine it either!!!!!!!!

Well that's all I got for

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Saturday, but felt like Sunday!

So today Darnell went to Madison w/ Ivan to the big Badger game. They got some VIP treatment I guess, lol.. it was nice for them to have the day to get away. The kids slept over at Joanie's so I woke up to a completely empty house! 9:30...I used to sleep to at least 11 if no one woke me up...Anyways I laid around for awhile then went & indulged in my 2 obsessions, Starbucks and O&H croissants. When I got home, I ate and took a nap! SOOO nice! I know I have the days free ( sorta) buy today I didn't have to take anyone to school, no running around, just me. Felt weird. When we picked up the kids we dropped Isaiah prescription off and had a half hour to kill, so we went to Shopko to get Banna some shoes. Oh LORD! I shoulda taken a pic of her pouty face...This girl was overtired, crabby and indecesive. I know how she feels, she's A LOT like me when it comes to I actually will pat myself on the back b/c I was quite patient w/ her trying on shoes. So many shoes, so little money. Darnell doesn't QUITE get the whole concept of girls needing a couple different pairs of shoes for different outfits.. I mean you can't wear tennie's w/ a casual outfit.. you can w/ Jeans, but not an outfit w/ leggings.. you get the idea. Boys are much easier. Oh, and how you kinda need brown and black dress and or casual shoes. Between my 2 daughters, hopefully they will get GOOD babysitting jobs when the get older to suppport their fashion least they can share shoes, usually. that can sometimes lead to a blow out.. haha. So when we got home I had the girls take showers, they were FILTHY from playing outside all day! I love it when kids play outside all day on a gorgeous fall day! So after thier showers they smelled good, looked clean and comfy in their jammies. Isaiah didn't make it into the shower, he fell asleep. His room is DONE! Just have to get a blind and decorate a bit. SOOO nice to have it finsished. Thanks to my Aunt Linda who is a perfectionist and did the end of the painting. That was a HUGE blessing.

I feel like I am slowly feeling better. I have had some really good days. Isaiah's behavior chart is all done. His home thearpist, Miss Julie made it. W/ pictures and all. I could have probably done that at some point, but having someone do it so that it will benefit Isaiah is a major blessing. Tomorrow we start full force w/ implenting the first stage. He will get tokens for EVErYTHING he does well. All the little things he's suposed to do, and all the good things we see him doing. We want him to get the feeling of accomplishment. Tonight he told us that he pooped in the toilet at Aunt Joanie's, well I gave him 10 extra tokens and told him next time, if he does it and I don't have to change hime, he'll get 20 tokens! So.. I am hoping the novelty of this doesn't wear out. But it really helps me be more structured. Well I need to go, I think I may sort all my laundry so that tomorrow I can just start it.. the dishwasher is goal tmrw is to seriously SCRUB my kitchen and bathroom floors. I need to do this, it's been bugging me for awhile. Not sure if we'll make it to church. Since Isaiah spent the night at Joanie's last night, I am not sure how he will be tmrw since his schedule was shaken up a bit. It's agood thing, he loves going there, playing w/ his cousins but since his normal routine is different, I don't want to push it tmrw. We'll see. Night all!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Dirty Bathrooms

Is it just me or does it seem pointless sometimes to clean a house when you have 4 kids? As a stay at home mom and wife, thru the years I have found satisfaction in a clean house, making good meals, desserts from scratch.. all that jazz. HOWEVER, I have found that in the last few months rather than a feeling of accomplishment in the cleaning, I feel frustration and well, down right pissed off because I KNOW I will be scrubbing that very same spot in the bathrom and kitchen floor w/in days. After awhile I don't feel accomplished, I feel irritated, kids are getting old enough to do more, which we have them do. But the bathrooms, well they don't get it done quite right. I find it hard to muster up the motivation to do the same things OVER & OVER & I finally get it done, I feel good again. The joys of motherhood. It is September and I love the fall, but it also means winter is right around the corner. I absolutely HATE winter. I seriously would move down south if our families weren't all here and we didn't have 2 children w/ health issues. I never had this strong of an urge to move OUT of WI. I'm good thru Christmas, after that I would just like to hibernate. I do like the look of a fresh snow fall, how it looks at night and all that, but going out in it, driving in it. .no thanks. Well I need to bring Isaiah to school. He's on a reduced schedule. So I bring him in at 10:10, which when you look at my morning, I spend over 2 hrs doing drop offs...I am not complaining though b/c I am very happy I am getting Isaiah to school. I am waiting to hear what the school wants to do about this situation. He needs something different.. that's a whole other subject for a whole other blog, lol..At this point I am thankful he's going for at least half a day. And, to sum up my blog, although I may complain about a messy house and all that, I am thankful for my family, and that I am able to be home.

Monday, September 14, 2009


Mondays..blah...last night I was all psyched about monday because it meant kids at school, quiet house. Didn't happen. Isaiah refused to get on the bus. So I had to drop the girls I babysit for off at the bus stop. Isaiah wanted to play in the grass while we waited. I sat there watching him, twirling, smiling, tumbling in the grass w/o a care in the world. What a priceless moment. If I don't make the effort to look for those moments, I would go nuts. This afternoon didn't go well. Isaiah hasn't had an episode in a couple weeks and today he hauled off and smacked me...I HATE that. I know he doesn't get it.. but everything in me is screaming how wrong this is!! Yet there isn't anyting I can do about it....I'm trying really hard to be logical and not emotional. easier said than done. So..tonight after Darnell got home from work he took the kids to get frosty's and then me a coffee( big shocker there, lol) and he came home w/ this Starbucks jar I have been wanting that you put your coffee grounds excited! He spoils me when I don't deserve it.. he is just awesome. I went to church again yesterday! 3rd sunday out of 4!! well I don't have anything else interesting to say

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Beautiful Saturday afternoon

It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Darnell and Jeremiah are putting J's new bed together. The kids rooms are finally all coming together. I often wonder why do I blog? Just to chatter on about the regular going on's of my life, to share and be completely transparent about my life? Probably the latter. It's quite therapuetic for me. Honestly, I can admit that I am trying to work my way thru this depression or funk I've been in. Most days, I don't feel like doing anything. I find myself beating myself up about what I should be doing, what I didn't do etc... I have 4 kids, it's not fair to them to have a mom that's always bummed out. I am trying to be proactive and make my way.. I've been praying, I actually made it to church 2 out of the last 4 weeks, tomorrow will make 3 sundays. Darnell has been really good about picking up my slack. I wish I could help him understand why I feel the way I do.. however sometimes it doesn't even make sense to me. Everything w/ Isaiah has caught up to me. I think that's the bottom line. It's no one's fault, it is what it is. I am blessed in SOO many ways I see that. I just "feel" yucky most of the time. I think I am tired about even blogging about this today, lol..

Monday, September 7, 2009

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Labor Day! Darnell had to work so the kids and I went to my mom's. We were going to cook out but got lazy and ordered pizza instead. The kids played outside, it's gorgeous out today! I wish I could say I have tons of energy, however I do not. I did clean the upstairs bathroom, but I have so much I wnat to do..I am struggling to get out of this funk..I know I am capable of so much more, yet I am feel stuck. I would rather lay around and do nothing. With the kids in school I have plenty of time to get things done and I have a choice to either get stuff done, or take naps etc...I am tired of my own whining. Well it IS my blog, so I guess I can whine all I want, lol.. seriously though...I have a family, I have resposenabilites and I need to get with it. I am thinking I need to shake up my routine...the rut I am in will only change if I make a conscious effort to make some changes. I need to pray for God to give me what I need.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Well, this week has been pretty darn good. THe kids went back to school, can I get an AMEN?? LOL.. J, H & S had great days. Isaiah, not so much. He cracked a window and came barreling out the front doors w/ the principal and 2 other staff members following after.. This time I did NOT have a meltdown. Yay for me! I did however take a really long nap w/ Isaiah when we got home. I emailed the superintendent for unified stating my issues w/ RUSD, the fact that I want to have a meeting, and I will not settle for mediocore(totally spelled that wrong, lol) education just because he has a disability. I will not apologize for the fact that Isaiah's issues are not his fault. Yes, he doesn't show a lot of his episodes at school, but after the incident on the first day I am interested to see how they can justify that. he's 6 now, he NEEDS to be in the proper class so he can receive the education he's entitled to. so that's that.

I have had all this SSI stuff on my brain for entirely too long...this week it's all done and in our favor. Praise God. I am noticing God's favor in so many areas in our lives. I feel like after the summer from Hell, this fall, this new season will bring new things, better things. I firmly believe that!