Thursday, November 29, 2012

What a week!

It's been quite a week and it's not even over. The radiator on our van blew the other day and we had it towed to Stu's.  Between that and the cable that controls the shifter that was about to snap it's going to cost about $600. It's a great thing that I'm working. Haley has had a killer UTI.  She made it through at school this week but this morning when she woke up her spasms were horrible. I kept her home. This is the hardest part about working. I hate having a sick child and having to call in. I don't want to let down Mary and not be there but I also don't want to leave my daughter, especially when she's dealing w/ so much pain. This is her 4th infection in 4 months. So today I am home w/ my girl. I'm getting caught up w/ stuff around the house and watching cheesy Christmas movies :)

Because on a regular basis I am a stay at home mom, I have a hard time balancing this working mom thing. I give moms that do this ALL the time a lot of credit.  Trying to make everyone happy is impossible. Putting your children first is a must. However keeping your position at your job is also important. I am one of those people that has a hard time making decisions for fear of upsetting someone. However today I had to put my Haley first. Her infections can be horrible. Watching her deal with such horrible spasms is terrible. I can't make it better. It's a reminder that she has to deal w/ this for the rest of her life. I hate that part. I am so happy that she deals with it as well as she does. As her mom I will always have a hard time watching her deal w/ all this. I don't think it will ever be easy. We've got a supportive family and most importantly a God that provides healing. I had originally prayed that Haley wouldn't deal w/ bladder exstrophy in the way most kids do. I wanted her to be the exception to the rule. However that was not the case. She has had a lot of surgery, a lot of infections and complications. I was angry at God for not healing Haley. Well I finally came to the conclusion that the healing I was praying for wasn't what God had for Haley. The plan he had for her has been far different than I thought.  But God's plan has brought us to a place of acceptance, strength and unshakeable faith. Haley deals w/ bladder exstrophy and will for the rest of her life.  But we've seen that God has made her strong and given us the ability to be here for her in every way possible.