Friday, July 30, 2010


I feel blah. I started a new medication and I think the change is catching up to me. I feel so unmotivated and icky. To have depression can be so hard. It's not something everyone understands. How do I describe that I feel basically like crap. like I don't want to be around anyone, I don't have the energy to do anything, and it seems like I constantly have a headache. I feel like a big whiner.
On a positive note, we got an old fashioned push mower today. Pretty cool. My dad will be here on Sunday. Isaiah's done w/ summer school. I had a rough week w/ him. I think that may be part of why I feel the way I feel. He goes to the Dr. this week. His meds have been tweaked, but I don't think enough. Some days I just feel so unequipped to handle this. I feel weak and emotional. I know and have heard a million times that I need to be positive and that whole speech, well it's real hard to feel that way when I already fight depression as it is. I already feel like I am not a good mom, or that I am not doing all the right things. Oh whatever, I need to just shut up for now.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Don't Sweat the small stuff!

Our van needs to be fixed. It started w/ the tail lights not working then the brake lights, now it's the whole steering column and some electrical stuff that needs to be fixed. My uncle who is a mechanic said not to drive it b/c it could start on fire. It's our only the girls didn't go to playgrounds today. In the past, meaning several years ago, I really really would be, I am not happy about it, but I am not going to lose my mind over it. Darnell has his truck for work so we don't have to worry about him getting to work. Other than that, there isn't anywhere else we HAVE to be. we have plenty of family and friends to help us out w/ going to the grocery store etc....It's not the end of the world if the kids miss playgrounds, it's not like it's school. They were disappointed but I really have realized that obviously life throws us curve balls, we need to just roll with it. So, I'm rolling! haha.. This week is Isaiah's last week of summer school. What WILL I do w/ him until the school year starts again? cross that bridge when we get to it! I am not sure what his schedule is going to look like in the fall, if he'll be going for half days again or full days.. we'll see. We've been having issues again w/ him having huge episodes, the Dr. increased on of his meds. I am hoping to see some improvement. I can honestly say though that although his episodes drain the life out of me, well maybe I'm being a little dramatic, haha, but it's sorta the truth, he's not getting violent w/ me. That is awesome. I am reading a book about how to deal w/ difficult kids. I need a manual I think!!! Like one that tells me how to handle a howling 6 yr old when he can't do something and just doesn't have the capibility to understand why not. we'll figure it out as we go. Then maybe I'll write a book, lol...

I am blessed. I feel content. There are so many that are worse off, so I am not going to sweat the small stuff.!

Friday, July 16, 2010


Well, I am in no way trying to have a pity party for myself, this IS my blog, so I need to vent. Continue reading at your own risk and do not judge what I am complaining about because you just shouldn't, lol... First of all, we need NEW tires for our van BADLY!! there's a fuse or something out so our tail lights are out, our head lights are out so we have to use or brights, we have NO gas, no money for gas. WE energies sucks the life out of our bank account, and so that leaves no money for anything. I suppose I may be putting a voice to the same $$ problems so many others are dealing with but just might not be blogging/complaining about like I am. I would just like some finicial relief. can't even spell that, lol....D's stressed, I'm stressed...I have faith that God will provide, he always does I just am feeling very weary today. Oh and the registration on our van needs to be renewed. Kids will need school clothes in a month... I could go on and on, somehow blurting it all out sorta makes me feel better, less crap rolling around in my head I guess... It's been a rough week with Isaiah. I am very thankful it's not like it used to be, but he's gotten pretty worked up this week...time to adjust the meds I think. Well if anyone who may stumble across this, please if you will, say a prayer for our family. I believe God will work this out. Thanks

Monday, July 12, 2010

Busy weekend!

Today was crappy. I was exhausted. I went to a friend's house and didn't get home till 2:30 a.m.... she's having a tough time and just wanted me to come over and hang out. Which I don't mind doing, but I paid for it today! lol...I took naps today, my kids are awesome and thankfully getting old enough that w/ Jeremiah home, i can pretty much take a nap w/o too much interruption or chaos. I kept having bad dreams though.. ughhh...I got allll my laundry done this weekend! Of course I have probably 3 loads already waiting to be done agian, Friday night we went to Jake and Emily's. we had a blast. It was awesome to hang out w/ them. Jake is one of Darnell's best friends and it is SOO nice to see them hang out again! Savannah is completely infatuated(sp?) w/ uncle Jake! It's cute. We spent the whole day/evening there. Emily's family is awesome and we just had a great family day. went to the beach Sunday. I'm getting darker and darker, lol... Although I do have one spot where I am pretty postitve I have almost a 2nd degree burn, it's right where the top of my swimming suit is on my chest and Imust have been sitting the wrong way cuz it blistered all up, looked nasty, and HURTS! That'll teach me.
Isaiah had a major meltdown yesterday. I am thankful that they are not happening nearly as often but it is still exhausting for him and I! I do not what to whine, however I feel the need to express that I need a vacation badly. some days I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions I just might fall apart at the seams. I thought today what it would be like for Darnell and I to even go to Chicago for the day, eat dinner somehwere fancy, just something DIFFERENT!!! sure I get out of my house, but I need to get out of RACINE!!! lol.. My dad is coming at the end of the month. I wish I had the time and money to go to St Louis for an extended weekend. I miss him. Well I need to get to sleep... tomorrow starts the same 'ol same 'ol all over agian.

Friday, July 9, 2010

July already?

Well it is July already!! Summer is flying by. I have to say so far this is the best summer we've had in a long long time. We love our new house. We had TONS of people over for the fireworks since we had front row seats! It was fun. Jeremiah, Haley and savannah are all having a blast at playgrounds, Jeremiah is at Blair's more than he is at home, lol. Isaiah is doing FABULOUS w/ summer school. Gets on the bus everyday! What a blessing! My house is pretty much put together, I still have to organize the basement and the dining room a bit, but other than that it's looking good. Last weekend D power washed the upper deck and I weeded and cleaned up the yard. still a little more work to do, but it looks so much better! I love our new room, it's so comfy and cozy, especially w/ being able to go right out to the deck from our bedroom. I'm even excited about our bathrooms, lol...I was at first VERY sad to leave our old house, but God really hit the nail on the head w/ this new house. It fits us, our needs and the change was good.

I absolutely have to get motivated to lose weight. that's all I"m gonna say about that, HA!!!