Wednesday, June 29, 2011


Lately I have been feel a bit OCD. Now, I am not entirely sure that when someone is OCD that they are even aware of it. So for example, I am finding myself unable to go to bed w/o making sure our bedroom isn't clean. Laundry put away, I have to make our bed, I like the covers to not be all a mess so that when I get into bed I feel like it's all smooth. Before I even come upstairs I have been cleaning up the kitchen, so that the dishwasher is going, everything is completely clean. Now I know some mom's that this is their normal nightly routine. For me, it wasn't always. But I feel like every night I add something to it and it's getting a bit weird. I'll lay in bed and if there's a load of laundry not folded that I know I could've left till the morning, I'll get up and fold it and put it away. Last week I totally took everything out of Isaiah's closet, reorganized it, did the same thing w/ our dresser. I went nuts collecting things for Goodwill. 
I do have some idea of where this is coming from. I have a lot on my mind. That is just my life. Which is fine. However everyone needs a coping mechanism. Mine right now is excessive cleaning. I can't control my health, but I can control my house. The one problem I have is that I can go for a day or two and clean and clean, and then my body hits a brick wall. BAM! My neck is killing me, my head is throbbing, and unfortunately the very thing that is fueling all this is stopping me from going any further in my pursuit to having or trying to have the "perfectly clean home". 
With all that being said, I am extremely blessed that my hubby and kids are 100% helpful. So it's not like I don't have help. I just don't ask for it. I'm stubborn. I want to do it myself. Well, yes I know, I need to get over that.
On the upside, the weather has been gorgeous. We got a trampoline which has been a God send for all the kids and keeping them busy. And now I need to go to sleep b/c my eyes are starting to get blurry! 

Monday, June 27, 2011

Incredibly blessed!

As I have been watching or rather observing my kids, I have seen a lot. And first and foremost, anything I say that is awesome about them~ all the glory goes to God. Seriously. There is NO way I am responsible for how awesome these kids are! They've been off school for 2 weeks now and I've noticed so much. For example, they don't fight. The girls have separate beds. Their bedroom is on the finished half of the basement, when I go downstairs to change the laundry, they are ALWAYS in the same bed. I think it is the most precious thing. They are so close. They have their moments, but 9 times out of 10, they get along are are pretty much BFF's. And also lately, Jeremiah and Isaiah have been falling asleep next too each other watching something on the discovery channel. I am glad that my kids are close. they play together, they spend time together. I am thankful that they are growing up with awesome family values. Now, in our world, anything and everything goes. there are no limitations or boundaries. For our family, that is not the case. last week I had to remind Isaiah that the way he was talking to me was absoltely not the way he is to talk to me. I am his mom and he will treat me w/ respect. He can be angry, that is not wrong, but how he reacts in his anger is what we need to work on. I will be darned if I will listen to my 7 yr old raise his voice at me or order me around.  I just am happy that our kids are happy. They are secure. They are growing up knowing God, learning about God, learning how to live a life in this world but not being a part of all the junk. They have good friends. 
Jeremiah has a work ethic that is so much like Darnell's. I hope he continues to work like that, especially in school. And the other kids aren't far behind. They are willing to help, w/o being asked, w/o complaining. I feel extremely blessed. We have a very balanced, secure family life. And that is because God has given Darnell and I wisdom on how to do that. Because honestly with all that has been thrown at us, you'd think we'd be living in the looney bin! lol. But instead, God has taken what satan meant to hurt us and turned it into great things that would glorify God. I have my days. I'm still dealing with trying to figure out how to function w/ chiari. I am now seeing that I seem to have "flare up " days. Last week I had 3 days that I cleaned like a fool and then I was hurting... neck, back, head... etc. which is very normal for CM. so I need to pace myself. Isaiah's had some rough days. I am trying my hardest to take it one day at a time.
Overall, I am overwhelmed by how blessed I am by my husband and kids. Our family is awesome. God is good. we have struggles, just like everyone else. However in spite of all of it, the good out weighs the bad by far. so, thank you Lord for your abundant blessings, your wisdom and strength you've given Darnell and I. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

3 days into summer

It's the middle of June. It's in the 50's. what kind of crap is that? Today I casually mentioned that we should move to oh, I don't know, ANYWHERE but here. There are Time Warner openings in North Carolina, Kentucky and Tennessee. However, we will not be moving any time soon. DANG IT!!!! I don't know if my desire to move is just me wanting to get out of WI to see new things, escape maybe, all of the crap that I seem to have to deal with here. Not crap really, just all the stress. But that stress is going to follow me. Isaiah's autism and other issues aren't going anywhere, same with my Chiari or bladder exstrophy for Haley. However, for at least 3 years I have wanted to move, every year I want to move even more. So I just don't know. But for now, here we are! 
It's 3 days into summer. I can't wait for Isaiah to start summer school, lol. He's bored to death already. I just can't keep him busy. I am trying my hardest to find things to do with him, he doesn't want to play games... it's so frustrating. I am still waiting to hear back from the State of WI on whether or not we qualify for more assistance for kids that are disabled. That would be awesome if we do. He'd be able to go to some camps, we would have in home thearpy to help with some of the stuff that I have NO idea what to do with.There's a bunch of other stuff too. But I have no idea when I'll find out. Darnell's been working some MAD overtime. By Sunday he'll have worked 17 hrs in a row! I love him!!!! He works so hard for us! 

Thursday, June 9, 2011

God has blessed the Hoaglund Family!!!

Today I went to Savannah's 5th grade graduation awards ceremony. I was a very proud mom!!! She won 4 awards. She was a nominee for the Gilmore award which is basically for the students that are basically an all around great student. They are nominated by their teachers. She won an Outstanding Academic Excellence Award, Peer Mediation award, and one for Student Gov't. Tomorrow is Jeremiah's 8th grade graduation. I am SO emotional about all this graduation stuff. lol. It's so hard to believe. I guess, when I think back it's like we've come so far and to see my kids growing into these young adults/'s scary. 12-15 years ago for example, we were living w/ Darnell's mom, we didn't have a car, Darnell didn't have a steady job, we were so young. If someone would have told me that in 2011 We'd live where we do, and our life would be is what it is, I know w/o a doubt I wouldn't believe it! We had a lot of hard years, heart breaking years watching Haley go thru surgeries, having to leave Jeremiah and Savannah all the time to go to Children's, and all of that. In the same respect thru all that God used that situation to bless us in ways I can't even explain. Doors opened wide that might not have otherwise...our marriage was strengthened, we have compassionate kids, so many blessings can come from hard times. Of course it took a long time for me, as a mom to really get over the stress and whatnot of whatnot of watching my child suffer. I was diagnosed w/ post traumatic stress syndrome. When I explained the whole scenario to the Dr he said, yeah, you definately have PTSD.. I don't know how you couldn't! I didn't know. Praise God we had family and friends praying for us and there for us. It is just a miracle to look back to the late 90's and see where we were at and see where are now. And I can say without a doubt it's ALL God. On our wedding day it was no secret that people were saying "oh,they are getting married for the wrong reasons, or it's not going to last" we were very aware of all that. I may have been young and pregnant, but I wasn't deaf. But God had a different plan. We were in love, dare I say, we were in love almost from the moment we started dating. And we still are. So through all the stuff we've been through, we didn't let it tear us apart. And that again, is all thanks to the Lord. I'm just a human. It's funny how so many things can get thrown at a person but God can keep you in an upright position! I did not expect to have a child w/ bladder exstrophy, or another child that is bi-polar and autistic and now myself have a diagnosis of having Chiari malformation. One thing I have learned is that what Satan intends to use to destroy us, God uses to bring glory to his name. something i need to remember more often. 
I miss my kids being little. When they were, all of my friends were no were near having kids. I felt alone then b/c I was the only mom my age. Now I don't have very many friends w/ kids that are older like my kids. so that brings on the baby itch and missing the days of mine being little again. I need to be content w/ the stage I am at. Tomorrow marks the beginning of a new stage, sort of. My birthday. 34. After I turned 30 I felt old. well that has changed since I got diagnosed w/ CM. Suddenly 34 seems quite young. And on Memorial day Darnell's cousin's friend seriously thought I was 25. SCORE!!! Then he saw jeremiah and when he found he was my son, he was like "wait a minute..." I said, yeah, I had him when I was 19 and I'm gonna be 34!!! hahahah!!!!It was great while it lasted! 
Life changes SO dang fast. we want our kids to get bigger and go to school then we want them to slow down... gotta find a happy medium and enjoy every stage otherwise we'll miss it all. I am incredibly proud of my kids. Haley finished her first year as a middle schooler w/ straight A's.Isaiah made it thru 1st grade and for him, that is a HUGE accomplishment. God has blessed the Hoaglund family!!!!!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Where DOES the time go???

It is HOT outside! Not complaining though, Last week it was freezing cold! The only thing that gets me is that we do not have A/C and the heat and humidity triggers big huge headaches for me. So, on the top of my prayer list right now is A/C. On Friday Jeremiah graduates from 8th grade. I am so proud of him. I still remember driving him to kindergarten. When they say the time goes fast, it's no joke. He's such a great kid. I mean, seriously, he's not mouthy, he's good, SO good to his siblings, he doesn't get in trouble, we haven't had any teenage crap from him. And we're almost 2 years in! lol. I don't care what anyone says, I have prayed for this boy since I was pregnant w/ him, I believe God has big plans for him, I believe He will do great things. It makes me want to cry when I look at his pictures from when he was so little and now he's so much taller than me. Savannah graduates from 5th grade! She has a ceremony on Thursday for being in peer mediation and on student government, I couldn't be prouder of her either. Every teacher she's had has had nothing but wonderful things to say about her! She is such a blessing. 
My birthday is Friday. This year I don't feel old really. B/c of this Chiari diagnosis, I actually feel young. To be diagnosed w/ something that is chronic~ it puts things in perspective. To be 34 and have this knowing it won't go away, I have to deal w/ these god awful symptoms for forever... yes 34 seems quite young. It makes me mad because I have things I want to do, normal every day things that when I get a headache or my neck is hurting, I can't do. I feel like I'm making it up, Oh I have a headache, it sounds so generic of an excuse when in reality, the "headache" literally makes me want to plunge a knife thru my eye to relieve the pressure. I am not exaggerating. anyways...I am waiting for the forms from the headache clinic to sign so that they can release my medical records to Froedtert. Then I can see a neurologist there. 
I have to say, inspite of it all, I am blessed. I don't have cancer or heart disease or something like that. My kids are awesome, Darnell and I are really truly still in love. We love and serve and awesome God. all the yucky stuff is par for the course in life. And now we even have the dog I've wanted for years!!