Friday, December 31, 2010

Good-Bye 2010

Well 2010 was a better year than 2009. It was a big year for us in a lot of ways. In Feburary, on Valentine's Day on our way to the Dells, I received a text that changed my life. My dad contacted me. We hadn't had any contact since I was 17. Long story short, I now have a great relationship w/ my dad! I met 2 of my brothers and their families. It was absolutely something I never imagined would happen, but did!!

In May, We moved. We now live right across the street from Lake Michigan. I'll be the first to admitt, it was a hard move for me at first. I loved our old house, I did not want to move. However, financially we just couldn't handle it anymore. God opened the doors to this house. It was so awesome! I love our new house, I am looking forward to this spring and summer and getting some great use out of our porches.

This year our kids seemed to have grown like weeds. Jeremiah is quite a bit taller than me now! The girls are turning into "tween-agers"...that state between still having one foot in the little girl world and one foot and being a teenager. scary. They are good girls! They are fun and sweet, they get along. I really couldn't ask for a better daughters. The dynamics between them are amazing. I just love listening to them, watching them. Isaiah has sone so much better. he's done well in school, he's doing so much better. We still have some hurdles, but from where we were a year ago. Jeremiah is in his last year of middle school. I can't believe it. I look at him and just can't believe that my boy is a young man!!!!!

In October, Darnell and I celebrated 14 years of marriage. He sent me on vacation, to Florida, in November, ALL BY MYSELF!!!!! haha! I went for 10 days to visit Aaron and Meg. It was so much fun, relaxing. It was exactly what I needed. It was something I had seriously prayed for for so long. I had wanted, no needed a vacation for soo long. God provided.

Darnell is my best friend. he's the most wonderful husband and dad I could ever want. He knows me better than anyone. He spoils me. I tell him not to, he doesn't listen. lol. He really has shown me that he loves me just the way I am. I am so blessed. I wonder, a lot of the time, why in the world he loves me! He does though and I love him so much. Yeah, I know most people don't want to read about lovey dovey stuff. but too bad! lol

This year I have learned a lot. I am working on trusting God more and worrying less. I have struggled w/ my weight this year. I started doing zumba this year. That has opened a door to a whole new world of exercise!
Well I will wrap this up. It was a good year. a lot of changes, good and bad. But w/o change, God can't do what he wants to do. Change is uncomfortable..but necessary.

Good Bye 2010!!

Monday, December 27, 2010


Today SUCKED! No other way to phrase it. It started out ok. However, w/ all the busyiness of the holidays, it has caught up to Isaiah. He was RAGING mad....I'll spare you all the details, except to say, It breaks my heart to see him like that b/c no matter WHAT I say to him, until his brain shuts off a bit, he's a raging little 7 year old. I felt numb. Then on top of all that, I locked my freaking cars in the van, while the van was running. So, it ran for 7 hours until D got home and unlocked it w/ his keys. My mom did come over, brought coffee and that helped! So, needless to say..I'm pissy and crabby and that's that. No exuses, no apologies, it is what it is. I do however pull it together to make a decent dinner, get the house cleaned up a bit. I am ready for the tree and all the decorations to come down. I love my darling children dearly, however, I think I may need a bit of a break. Just for a bit. I'm getting crabby and I do not want to take that out on them. and w/ Isaiah being a loose cannon.. well...Im a bit drained. It literally tires me out menatlly thinking of all the years ahead of me and not knowing what we face w/ Isaiah. I realize God is in control.. but today things felt out of control.. I felt angry and pissed off. that's the truth. If that makes me a crappy mom, oh well. Even though I am a mom, I am still human. I probably should stop writing now b/c I am sure I could easily go off on more of a tangent.. and I know for a fact later on I will regret it. So that's it. Done pissing and moaning for today.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Never a dull moment!!

It's the week of Christmas. Tomorrow is the kids last day of school. They all are pretty excited! I just got done wrapping presents, still have some more to wrap, but I need more wrapping paper. So, in keeping w/ my "lay it all out there" attitude, I will share a very embarrassing and humbling moment I experienced today. I went to the post office to ship my Dad's Christmas present. Now I have never shipped anything for Christmas, so i am a rookie at this. I get there, get my box, had to buy packing tape, blah blah blah.. I wait in line, the guy puts the sticker on my box, I swipe my debit card. DECLINED!!!!! Are you FREAkING kidding me?? The line in the post office was like the line to sit on santas lap. geez. Needless to say, I was utterly humulatied( and I can't even spell that word right!)....Darnell gets paid on Thursday. We still have presents to buy. Every stinking year we try to plan so this crap doesn't happen. So, after that I was pretty much pissed off. I had plans to come home and work on some baking. I was a crab. I then decided I needed to fill my head w/ some Godly wisdom. I watched "God's House Orlando", my Cousin's Aaron and Meg's church down in Orlando on a webcast. it was very inspiring, very festive. It helped a lot. Then I saw a video on FB about how just like when a lion is hunting for prey, they can smell the fear, they can sense it. When they have the opportunity, they attack. Well the devil does the same w/ us. I was all flustered, my guard down, and feeling depressed and a whole bunch of other crap that is NOT of God. So.. I have to put this into perspective. I need to keep myself on guard, I need to strengthen my relationship w/ God so that when these petty things in life won't ruffle my feathers. Steve Hays, my first youth pastor always used to say, " Don't listen to your feelings, they will lie to you" or something to that effect. It's true. I act on my feelings way too much.
Lesson for the day...Trust God, Lean on Him. Let the rest Go!!!!!!

So Isaiah went to school today, Thank God!!! When I really think about it, we have a very comical, dramatic houseful of kids. I have this tall 14 year old son who is starting to get "whiskers" on his upper lip that you need a magnifying glass to see, he's all arms and legs, Darnell says he can probably scratch his knee caps without even bending over b/c his arms are so long! He's proud as all get out when he sweats and stinks later on.
Haley is a pre-teen. she will be 12 in a month. She is counting the months till she is an actual teenager. She is a very matter of fact kid. She calls it as she sees it(can't imagine where she gets that from?? lol) The other night when Jake, D's best friend picked him up, Haley just casually tells darnell that the mexican is here. LOL LOL LOL.. If you know Jake or Darnell for that matter, this is SOOO not a racial slam. Darnell and Jake have gone back and forth for YEARS throwing racial slurs at each other. Jake used to call D in the middle of the night and leave a voice mail simply saying " Hey D, you're Black" click. that's all. So obviously Haley has picked up on their easy going banter back and forth.
Savannah is a drama queen from the word GO! She walks around the house speaking in different accents( which oddly irriate the snot out of Isaiah).. she spits out these one liners that crack you up. and as funny as she is, the other day, she couldn't find a pair of jeans. You would SWEAR someone had died, the crocidile tears were flowing, the cry, cough, hiccup thing was going on... I tend to just ask her point blank, well did your jeans get up and just walk away? She responds"NO, hiccup, They were in my drawer"...cough...snot running down the cheek.. you get the idea. Oh Good Lord that girl. Then today when I picked her up from school I thought she was going to have a meltdown b/c I asked her why she is not wearing her headband thingy to cover her ears. That almost turned into the waterworks episode too. The girl is going to be in drama. If she does this all on her own, I can imagine how much she'd get paid to be a drama queen. Big bucks people, big bucks!
Isaiah... well he has turned into quite the comedian lately too. Because of the form of autism he has, well let's just say that if something is different in the house, he'll be the first to notice. He thrives on routine. 2 weeks ago when it was freezing out he got off the bus and I told him to just hop in the van so we could go get Haley from her bus stop. His walk has slowed to a snails pace, the head goes down...Ok so I bite" what's wrong Isaiah" .. after a little proding, he finally says, I always get a snack after school. I said you can have one, lets just run and get Haley. Point is, even something like that makes his head spin. a month or so ago I made pumpkin bread. He wanted it for breakfast. Well it was an ugly morning, everyone was running late, the bus came, he didn't get the pumpkin bread. First thing he says when he walks in the door, I didn't eat breakfast mom. In his mind, he meant he didn't eat pumpkin bread. He told anyone who'd listen that he didn't eat breakfast, even though it was now dinner time. That boy went to bed talking about that dang pumpkin bread. The next day he got a big 'ol piece of pumpkin bread before school. when Savannah plays video games, or any games she chews her tongue. We tell her one of these days she's really going to bite it hard.. well if she and Isaiah are playing against each other in a video game, if she wins, Isaiah blows up, saying" SHE'S CHEWING HER TONGUE!!! He thinks that is what is making her win. HAHAHAHAHA!!
THere is never a dull moment in our house. well that's all I got for today.

Sunday, December 19, 2010


So today we got a lot of shopping done! Buying Christmas presents for 4 kids sure is draining, but sooo much fun. Once I get going, I see so many things that I know each one of them would like. I have to really make sure to remember what the season is really about. Like any human being, any mom, I want to SHOWER my kids with gifts. I want to WOW them on Christmas morning. However, WOW-ing them is not what Christmas is about. With that being said, we get them a decent amount of gifts and remind them regularly what Christmas is really about.
I did not walk tonight. TOOO cold. I hung out w/ Ruth. I dropped the girls off to sleep over and then stayed for awhile and hung out w/ Ruth. Tomorrow I am going to be baking up a storm. And, we are going to Monument square to see the ice sculptures. They are really something! It's almost 1 a.m. and I am watching "Dexter" I've heard a lot of people talk about it, it's a little weird, but I'm just seeing what it's about. I am also doing laundry.
While shopping for Christmas presents I also started realizing the things the kids need, new snow boots, snow pants, socks, underwear, Tshirts, dress shoes/clothes.. never ending list! lol.. I am so thankful that we are able to provide for our kids. It's by God's faithfulness. We may not have every single thing all at once, but they have what they need. This year we have been blessed by many people in many different ways. There's no way I can repay all of those people, except to pray that God will bless them immensely for their willingness to reach out to us. I pray I can be that hand reaching out to someone else. Sounds cheezy, but's it's the truth. Well I am going to switch loads and hit the hay!

Friday, December 17, 2010

2 days in a row!!!!!!

Well 2 nights in a row I walked out on our block, right on the beach, well the sidewalk, but you know what I mean. Tonight it was 14 degrees w/ a windchill that made it feel like -2!! I was FREEZING! Last night I did 3 miles, tonight i did just about 3 miles. And for someone who HATES the cold, this is a TRUE testimony of just how BADLY I want to lose weight. I won't lie and say within the next 2 weeks I will eat the greatest. With the holidays, trying to be on a diet , well it's damn near impossible. It's like dangling a porter house steak in front of a lion. just plain wrong! So.. I will try and at least keep things at a minimum but will keep walking.
Tomorrow I will be baking and then going to my niece and nephew's bday party. Isaiah's belly is no longer rock solid, he's feeling much better. He just got over a melt down. tell me please, all of my followers, all 7 of you, lol, WHY or WHY do children listen to their father SOO much better than the mom. Yes, Yes, I know the whole, the mom is the primary care giver, blah blah blah.. but REALLY... this irriates me to to no end!!!!!! Darnell is an awesome dad, and If I don't say so myself, I think i'm a dang good mom. So.. if this boy doesn't start listening to me, I may go postal. That 's just fair warning.
I am getting in the baking mood. I already made up two batches of cut out cookie dough. I will make them tmrw and me and the kids will decorate them on Sunday. I love Christmas. I love how family gets together, traditions, baking, decorating.. buying gifts!!! We got a few things for the girls today, although it's getting harder to buy for them, there are things that are so fun to buy for girls their age! I love to cook and bake, which really doesn't help my plan to eating better! But it brings me a lot of happiness to cook and bake for people and have them enjoy seeing them like what I make. Hopefully when my kids are older, they will have great memories of me, baking from scratch, making yummy meals, making the house smell yummy. I love being a mom and a wife! So.. it's about that time, Shooting tomorrow for day 3 of walking!

Sunday, December 12, 2010


Well we had blizzard like conditions today. The lake looked amazing w/ the waves so big. It was COLD!! Darnell had to work. I stayed home. We were suposed to go to church, but I wasn't going out in that crap. So we all stayed in our PJ's all day. Me and the girls watched "Ramona & Beezus" the boys played video games...pretty chill day.
Isaiah had a huge episode yesterday. I actually was able to calm him down. It's so frustrating to watch him get so upset simply b/c he is not capable of communicating effectively. I see it clearly more and more. The minute we don't understand something he is trying to say, his frustration level shoots sky high so fast. If I ask him questions, it just makes it worse. It definately is a learning process. It really is like learning a whole new language. My friend Jen is going to help me put together social stories, so that Isaiah can point to situations, he needs to visually see things. Trying to explain stuff to him really just is like speaking spanish to him. He needs to see it. I want so much for him to feel like he is being understood. My 3 other kids are so good with him. some days they do get the brunt of Isaiah's attitude, which I guess happens in families w/ more than one kid anyway...however they handle it well. They are sensitive to him and forgiving. Something I am so thankful for. Jeremiah is 14 now, we had his party on Friday. My baby is growing up. I know mom's all say this, but really, my kids are the cream of the crop. I am proud to be their mom. I am blessed beyond measure.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Just another day

Today I woke up with a horrible migrane. Like shoot me in the head to put me out of my misery kind of headache. I took 5 ibuprofen, and drank a Monster java drink. That helped, I had to wear my sunglasses in the house for about an hour. lol. So I FINALLY called and had my NP fax a referral over to the headache clinic. I called Jeremiah's Dr for the same thing. He gets migranes too, so I figured it's time to get it taken care of for him as well. So after my headache subsided, I proceeded to organize Isaiah's closet, de-clutter the kitchen and dining room, pick Savannah up, put lights on the porch and in between all that I made chili. The caffeine did it's job. Then of course I crashed like speeding car on the freeway.
We dropped the van off to get fixed. Years ago this sort of thing would seriously have had me in a tizzy. I would stress and stress.. now it's just so mindless. I really believe it's an answer to prayer. The things that used to cause me such stress and anxiety, don't anymore. The big things of course do. But I think I am learning to not sweat the small stuff. Slowly.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

a lil bit of everything...

Yesterday my sweet boy turned 14!! People say ALL the time how fast the time goes, it is NO joke! Jeremiah is just about 5'8". He's an awesome kid. He still is loving and gentle, especially with his siblings( most of the time, lol) I couldn't have ever imagined a better son! It scares me to DEATH to think that in 4 1/2 years he will be off to college. However, right now I am choosing to live in the moment. I am not going to wish the years away.
Tonight I got caught up on laundry. You'd think being home all day, I'd have everything done by the evenings, however this is when I get my burst of energy. So I gotta do what I can when the energy hits me! Yesterday I made homemade pumpkin bread, chocolate chip cookies and mac-n-cheese from scratch in the crock pot. I was on FIRE!! haha...It feels good to cook for my family, make treats to send w/ Darnell to work.

I'm watching The Biggest Loser. I get SOOO inspired when I watch it. Last Tuesday I finally worked out to my BL DVD. Then Darnell rented the Wii game " Just Dance 2" for me.. OMG it is SOOOO fun. The kids love it, I love it and you burn a ton of calories. My mom might get it for me for Christmas. So as I am watching BL the thought occured to me (as I was hanging up clothes) that I need to take a pair of pants and use those as a measuring stick to keep track of the weight I want to lose. So.. we'll see how that works out. Obviously with Christmas being 2 1/2 weeks away, it's not the best time of year to try and lose weight. So, I'm not putting pressure on myself.
I absolutely Love Darnell. he is the most amazing husband and dad. this morning he woke Isaiah up and I hear him telling Zaya " Delisouso(from Dora the Explorer) and he was kissing his ears and tickling and all I can hear is Isaiah's giggling. How precious is that? The other day Isaiah fell asleep on my lap. That doesn't happen very often anymore and I do not take that for granted! Well I am about to fall asleep!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Home again!

Well I've been home almost a week. It was an amazing 10 day vacation! It felt SO weird to not have the responibilties of being a mom and wife. Before I left, I really wanted to know what it would feel like to just be ME. At first it was sweet. It was great to wake up when I wanted to, take a nap when I wanted to...In my whole adult life I have never had that experience. Well now I can say that I have AND I am glad to be a wife and mom. I don't want to be without my husband and kids for that long. I seriously think I needed to see the other side of the coin. Now I know I am completely content with what I have. Aaron and Meg were wonderful hosts! I had so much fun. At first when I was down there I thought "oh, I want to move down here!!" then by day 5 or 6 I decided No, I do NOT want to live down here!! haha It was of course freezing when I got home, but I honestly was fine w/ it. It was muggy in FL when I left. Then on the plane It was soo hot, the cool air felt great. The kids made me welcome home signs!!!! Darnell met me at the airport w/ roses and a bottle of my favorite wine. He missed me so much. I missed him more! It felt good to go and come home to a family that missed me. I am so thankful for a husband who saw I needed a break and gave me one. He honestly is one of a kind!!!
The last few days I have been feeling weird. I think it's just getting back in the swing of things. I guess I had the expectation that I would come home and feel like a brand new person. I do feel TONS better. But I realize that I have to manage my everyday life so that I don't let myself get so keyed up. Plus I am PMS'ing... so that alone says enough, hahahaha. Jeremiah will be 14 in 4 days. When people tell you it goes fast, it is no joke! How did I get a teenager that is taller than me. He's 5'8. I feel sort of displaced. so many of my friends have little little kids , or are just having babies. My kids are all in school. It's funny b/c 10 years ago I was feeling weird b/c I was the only w/ with kids and my friends were off doing their own thing. I apprreciate the ages that they are at. They are growing up into beautiful people. I am trying to savor every moment. My sweet first born is a young man. And a great one at that. Even when he does things that irritate me to no end, he still is a great kid.