Sunday, January 27, 2013

Dear Mommy and Daddy.....

what I think Haley would have wrote to us when she was born.. Dear Mommy and Daddy. . . . I know I may not be what you probably dreamed of, hoped for or expected. I can only imagine the emotions you must be feeling- guilt, fear, confusion, and joy all mixed up together, as I entered this world and was whisked away just as fast. You probably have a million questions buzzing in your head- What?, How?, and Why>-just to name a few, but don't let that get in the way of you seeing me as perfect, because I am, despite the body I was born with. My body is not me. My condition is not who I am and even though in the coming weeks and months and years, you will be infused with a lot of terminology, medical diagnosis, care plans, and surgical options, please don't forget that inside my body, there is a heart and a soul that needs to know that you love me just the way I am. In order to be healthy and strong, it will be in my best interest for you to try and fix my body. I know this and I am grateful for that gift. Some of my treatments may be painful and it will be very difficult for you to stand by and watch me go through these experiences, but please try not to worry too much about that part because I am resilient and I will make it through and come to understand why these treatments were necessary. But, along the way, please don't allow the professionals involved in my care to reduce me to an object, a case study or a subject for a paper. Please don't let me be treated as an anomaly, a statistic or a freak of nature because I am not any of these things. If you believe in God, then you already know that nothing in life is a mistake. If this were to happen, I may have long lasting scars that are not visible, but they will stay with me for the rest of my life, As an infant, I will not be able to tell you how I feel. I can only cry when I'm in pain; smile when I am happy and will learn a little more about the world each day and either grow to trust it or learn that it is a scary place. My needs may be overwhelming, but I will give back ten fold, in ways that you may never know. I know how tiring, how stressful, how agonizing it must all be for you and I appreciate every sacrifice you have made and will have to make in the years ahead. No doubt, you will be offered many opinions on what you may expect from me in the future- the things I may be able to do, but more likely, the things I may never be able to do. Take these opinions with a grain of salt. Just believe in me and I will surpass every limitation that others have imposed upon me. Encourage me, but please don't treat me differently because I am not any different in the ways that really matter. As I begin to grow older, the physical differences between me and others will become more clear and it will be at that time, that I will need you more than ever, to remind me of what I just said- that I am the same as anyone else and should never feel any shame in the body I was given At some point, I will have questions- some may make you uncomfortable or embarrassed, but please try your best to either answer them for me or find someone who can. It is important for me to fully understand how my body works and the care I need to take in order that I live a healthy and fulfilled life. I deserve to have everything everyone else does, but may need more guidance in getting those things than others might- Please be patient with me as I search and try to determine and understand what those wants and needs are. I may even be too shy or embarrassed to bring certain things up to you, and if this happens, I will need you to anticipate my questions and let me know you're always there for me, no matter what. I can't promise it will all be easy and for this I am sorry, but I just want the opportunity to grow into the person I was meant to be and with your love, support and protection, I know I will. I love you both.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

A Few of my favorite things....

Here are a few of my favorite things...........

                                                       Starbucks...of course
          my iPad ......
          Rainy days
           YouTube tutorials 
          sleeping in 
          rEaDinG OlD bOoKs
               sNoW DayS 
             CoFFeE DaTEs 
          CuDdLiNg mY kIdS 
                mY dOg JaCk
              BLOGGING !!!!!

My latest scarf!!! I will be ordering new colors... Packer colors, Wisconsin Badger colors, Milwaukee Brewers, Bears Colors..If anyone is interested please let me know!!! I am more than willing to make you a scarf and sell it at  a great price!!!! They make great gifts or are wonderful to wear and show your support for your favorite team in a fashionable way!!!!! 


HOLY BALLS it's cold outside. Right now it is -1 and feels like -20 degrees. That is just horrid! No snow just freezing cold. This time last year we were getting ready for our Disney World trip. I SOOO wish we were going again this year. Looking back we had such a fabulous time. I still have so many pictures I need to get developed and framed etc.. I'm so thankful that we had the opportunity to go. There has not been a week gone by that one of my kids have not talked about our trip. And i'm not exaggerating. It truly was a trip of a lifetime. We really are planning on going again, it just won't be anytime soon. Those memories will last a lifetime. I love how Darnell was so excited to go. lol. Neither one of us went on a real vacation like that when we were kids so it was exciting to give that to our kids. 

I sold my first scarf tonight! I'm so excited. I love making them and if I can sell a few that just makes it even better! I think I'm a little addicted to knitting/crocheting. I watch Youtube tutorials, go to yarn websites and am constantly looking at Knitting/crocheting stuff on pinterest. It's a hobby that I love. I am looking forward at learning more techniques and figuring out how to make more things!  

I need to get myself into a better routine. One that involves exercise. How does one make themselves a morning person? I seriously need to become one. So that way I can wake up early enough to get a good workout in and be done w/ it. When I workout I feel good. The ripple effect obviously is great. I just need to get moving, literally. 

Tomorrow I'm bringing Haley to see Dr. Balcom. She's having an ultrasound first then her appointment. I'm pretty sure they'll schedule her to have a cystocopy. I am pretty sure I spelled that wrong too. She's had her bladder scoped so many times. It's a new phase for us. When she was little things were so different when she had issues b/c of bladder exstrophy.  Now that she's older, she's aware of what's going on. It will affect her emotionally and mentally. When she was little it did to some extent but she doesn't remember so much of it. Now she will remember it. She will remember it all this time. That part makes me sad. I guess it is kind of selfish, but I remember all of what she went thru, that's hard enough for me. I can't imagine what she will feel like when she goes through stuff and has to deal with the pain and emotions of it all. I do realize God is going to give her what she needs, more than I can of course. I take great comfort in knowing that God is with us. I don't pretend to understand it all. Nor do I pretend to like it all. I do choose to trust God. I choose to believe that God has a plan and even if I do not know what it is, I know he is with us. 

I should go to bed. We need to leave by 8 a.m. Darnell isn't going w/ me for this appointment. We thought it would be better for him to wait and take a day off when Haley has the scope. My mom is going with though. So.. I'll update tomorrow night! 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


That is the hat I made for Isaiah! I'm so excited!! I am LOVING all the knitting that I am doing. I never thought I'd be a knitter. I started off crocheting, my mom taught me how. 10 years ago I would never have even considered crocheting or knitting. Now that's all I want to do. Is that what happens when you hit 35? haha.

I watch a lot of Youtube tutorials that help me figure things out. This scarf I was determined to learn how to make. Thanks to Youtube, I did it!

I am going to be making A LOT more! I found the same type of yarn on Amazon in green and gold! So all my packer fan friends, if you would like a scarf let me know!  So far I have made cotton dish cloths, scarves, a hat and have crocheted a couple of blankets. Not too shabby for a newbie!
Yesterday Haley stayed home sick from school so I took the opportunity to show her how to knit using the circular loom. She made her first hat! Then when Savannah got home she wanted to learn too! so now they both are in the middle of working on a hat and I'm going to need to buy another circular loom kit because if I want to make a hat I need a loom! I lay in bed thinking about what I want to make. Is that pathetic? Oh well if it is! It's so relaxing and gives you such a feeling of accomplishment when you make something that people like.  My living room is turning into a mess w/ yarn and knitting needles and looms all over the place. I need to get a system down to get it all organized! Either way I'm having a blast!!! Stay tuned for my next blog when I will add some more pics of my latest projects!!!!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy 2013!!!!!

Happy New Year!!! 

I can't believe it's 2013 already! This year we will have 3 teenagers in our house before the end of the year. I know it's a long ways out but it still is a chilling thought.haha.
2012 wasn't the greatest year. Darnell likes to refer to it as the year I almost died. I feel that's a bit dramatic but in the summer when my blood counts were half of what they should be and I needed blood transfusions and then ultimately had surgery because the Dr said the only reason for the surgery was so I wouldn't bleed to death, maybe he's right? 

I've been thinking though...every year we start the new year with either 1 of 2 thoughts. That the previous year was awful and we're glad to see it go or it was the best ever and can't wait for the new year to begin. I find that most people, including myself, fall into the later category. We can't wait for 2012 to be over etc...I've felt that way the last few years. When really it all is what it is. We have ups and downs and peaks and valleys. I would like to think that I am slowly learning to just go with it. No month or year is ever going to be perfect. I know I put so much expectation on what a new year will bring and then am disappointed when it doesn't go as planned. This year I don't have any expectations. God is in control. It will be what it's going to be. How I head into it and the attitude I have will determine how great a year it will be. 

I am done working now. I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to work. It felt good to be able to contribute to our bank account, lol. But man was it a long haul. I guess when you work 4 weeks straight without a day off you feel a bit worn out. But my place is at home. My kids may be older but they need me just as much. So I am ringing in the new year happy that I am back in my place as a stay at home mom!!! 
I hope all my friends and family have a great new year!