Tuesday, August 28, 2012

New blog~ Please follow!

I have started a new blog on Wordpress.com. I have found that it is easier to navigate and hopefully I'll be to increase the traffic flow! So if you follow me here's where you can find me!


I hope anyone who reads my blog will follow me over to WordPress!


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Bible studies, Prayer, approval of others...

My girls have recently expressed that they want to do a daily devotion/ bible study with me. I couldn't be more pleased.  Savannah will be 12 on the 25th and Haley is 13. The fact that they feel comfortable enough to ask me to do this w/ them and that they even want to makes me happy. And not the kind of happy like I think my kids are all super spiritual. I'm just excited that they want to know more about God and living their lives to please God. So I am searching for a good bible study to do with them. Whether it be a book, something online etc..I just am praying that God will lead me to exactly the right thing.

They also have asked me to pray for them more. I feel very blessed to have kids that already believe in the power of prayer.  
Parenting is a tough job. And that's probably the understatement of the century. I just am thankful that we have a God that guides us and directs us. Also that we have a great support system and that we aren't doing this by ourselves. Everyone has their own "system" so to speak, but I know, at least with my close friends that we all have the same goal. And that is to see our kids grow up to be healthy, well rounded people who are grounded in their faith. We especially don't want our kids to get caught up in "RELIGION" All the do's and don'ts and rules and things that bring on guilt. I mean really, some of the things christians judge other christians for is just wrong. We are suppose to build each other up and I've seen so many so called christians just tear others down b/c we aren't doing everything they think we should. I believe in following what the Bible says and obviously living a life that will line up with what God has called us to do. However I think God will show us and guide each one of us what our own path is. We don't need others to convict us of the things that they think we are doing wrong, that is God's job. It's our job to listen to that still small voice of the Lord when he is telling us to do something differently. He knows us best. He created us for goodness sake. I trust that the Lord will show me and guide me in my walk with God. And that is what I pray for for my kids. 

I tend to be my own worst enemy. Don't we all?  I mean especially as mothers and wives...I have a hard time when I feel like people are mad at me etc...or when I sense that they don't want me around. God is dealing w/ me on this. And I can say he's in a way releasing me from certain situations that I can say, you know what, I don't need everyone's approval. I don't need to be waiting on something that's never going to happen. When I finally felt God sort of release me, I felt a huge weight off my shoulders. And it's not like I am fighting w/ anyone or whatever but it's a lesson learned. I can move on and when I feel myself starting to be too concerned w/ other people's opinion I can go back to God and I know he'll remind me that his approval is what I should be seeking. 
well I have gone on long enough...Guess I had more on my mind than I thought!!

Sunday, August 12, 2012


I have been thinking about our parenting style. Up to this point, I feel as if we have a pretty good grip on this whole parenting thing. Our kids are great kids, they are respectful and kind and compassionate and the kind of kids I am proud of. I am however starting to think about how to parent teenagers. Oh that stings a bit just to type, lol. We are heading into uncharted territory and there is so much out there that we can't protect them from. That part doesn't freak me out too much. Mostly because I feel like they have a stable enough home life that the world out there, although scary, they have their home as a safe haven. 
My goal is to be the kind of mom that parents w/ a purpose. I don't want to just wing it. There are some things that you just wing it because there aren't books or blogs or whatever to guide you through. I do want to have something to refer to. I do believe a lot of what I think we should refer to is the Bible. I just need to find some practical ways to do so. I want to find some decent bible studies to do with the kids. Isaiah is currently scheduled to go to a different school this year and I am praying I can get it straightened out. If not, I'm not sure what to do. A teeny tiny small part of me considered home school. But I feel like I'd be short changing him. I want him to get the best education and help him to overcome the obstacles he faces academically. 
Raising kids that are going to be productive and responsible, kind, compassionate is a tall order. I am thankful to have a fabulous partner to do this with. What I lack Darnell fill is the gap and vice versa. I pray that we will be able to raise our kids w/ the Godly principles that they can take with them into adulthood. 

Friday, August 10, 2012

3 days post-op

I have made it to the other side of surgery, haha. Surgery went well, pretty normal I guess for a hysterectomy according to my Dr.
 I woke up feeling panicky. I kept telling the nurse that I was having a panic attack and she kept telling me I wasn't. I guess since my BP was normal, I technically wasn't having one, but it sure FELT like I was. I wanted Darnell and that was why I was so upset! I spent the night and they gave me some decent pain meds. All in all, it went fine. The pain isn't bad unless I move around. 

The emotional side of this is quite different. I suppose since they took out a huge organ that plays a big part in women and their emotions...well they left the ovaries but still. They messed w/ stuff. Just stands to reason that my emotions are a bit screwed up right now. I am missing my kids being little, I am missing the "early" years.. I have blogged about all this before. Tonight I'm just feeling it all only...a little more intensely. 
My kids have been exceptionally awesome this week! Jeremiah and Haley have been home the most and they have been so helpful and so loving. I just couldn't ask for better kids. Savannah and Isaiah just home today, they both were gone, separately but came home today. I will admit it may be challenging next week w/ Isaiah. But it was good that he was gone the first 2 days I was home.. I couldn't have really dealt w/ the "I'm bored" all day..
The weather is gorgeous.. so nice to have some cool temps. So I warned the kids that they will be spending more time outside from now till school starts. It's not blazing hot so there's no reason they can't be out enjoying the gorgeous weather! 
Darnell got his CDL (commercial drivers license). I know he's so relieved to finally be done w/ it and have it. Hopefully now he'll get his own route at work. He's worked hard and I am trusting that things will start to get a little easier. Some days I really have to remind myself why I don't work. I always think, well if I get a job, money won't be so tight. Well I will say that I know without a doubt that God has showed Darnell and I that my "job" is to be at home. With 4 kids and 2 with disabilities it's important that I be home. For Haley, bladder exstrophy doesn't slow her down and for the most part she doesn't have hardly any issues. isaiah, well every day brings something new and I just can't predict how things will go. He's already stating that he does not want to go to school. I am praying that we can help improve his attitude before school starts. Not every mom is meant to be a stay at home mom or is meant to work. We just know that for us, this is what works. It's not always easy, but that's not the point. I eventually want to go back to school, I just am unsure of it all. I just feel like I can't wrap my mind around it right now. I guess time will tell. Right now I just want to be here for my kids. I struggle with feeling like I'm doing enough, being a good enough mom etc.. I know that I need to start reading more in the Bible about my worth in God's eyes. Who I am and how "good" I am is not based on how I feel. I know what the Bible says about me, how God feels about me. I just need to start truly believing it. 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

6 days and counting!

6 more days and I go in for my hysterectomy. I had my pre-op appointments yesterday and today. 
I'm happy that I am having it done. This summer has been hell on my body. I still feel like I'm recovering just from being so worn out before I had the blood transfusion and my blood count is still not normal, but it's good enough to have surgery. 
I am having some mixed feelings, like I'm THRILLED that I won't have a period anymore. I certainly will not miss that! However I feel like where did the time go that I have 4 kids, my youngest will be 9 in 17 days! The days of pregnancy and having babies/toddlers are long gone. Some days I miss it terribly. I miss cuddling and all that comes w/ having little ones. However I do enjoy the new phases that the kids are in now. It's just so hard to believe that I'm 35. Seems like just yesterday I was 21 w/ 3 babies! Of course at the time that seemed crazy but looking back, I miss those days! 

my faith in the Lord is stronger and I know that the struggles we have dealt w/ will not last forever. Even though it seems like sometimes. I know God will never leave me or forsake me. I am hanging on to that.