Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Very Candid Post

Well life is slowly changing here in the Hoaglund household. As I am dealing w/ this what I  finally am calling it what it is... severe depression..I am realizing that I have a long way to go! Last week I began the beginning of my path to becoming a real survivor instead of victim. I started therapy. The real deal w/ a real Dr. We also are going to therapy for Isaiah.

He has seen that Dr. once, which ironically was an evening that he was raging...but right now Darnell and I are seeing the Dr and pretty much brainstorming and well, trying to figure out how to deal w/ Isaiah in the best way we can that will help Isaiah and help us. So lots of therapy going on over here. Some people don't want the world to know when they are seeing a "shrink" but for me, it's almost a must to let people know because I need to be held accountable. Because of this ugly depression I deal with~ I honestly would rather stay in bed and not have to go anywhere. I have a hard time, a lot of the time, going to appointments, going anywhere really. It's just easier to stay where I am comfortable. But I know there's so much more out there. God has a plan for me and I know that I need to fight for this.  
I want to get better not only for myself, but for my husband and kids. I am NO where near the kind of wife or mom I want to be for them. I realize that. So..I'm fighting. I know some days are going to be better than other. I also am dealing w/ this weight I have gained which weighs heavily on me( no pun intended, lol) I am working on me. Not easy, not fun. but worth it. I am worth it. I have to keep telling myself that. And if that is enough some days, my husband and kids are.