AMAZING!!

Yesterday we went to the beach. I have no idea which direction we went, however the beach is called Melbourne Beach. we ate at a restaurant sitting outside over looking the Atlantic Ocean. OMG!!! Ok to some, that may not be a big deal, but this Wisconsin Girl thought it was down right amazing. It makes me appreciate even more all that God has created. I get so stir crazy sometimes, like there's so much out there to see, but I can't see any of it. Well right now I am seeing some of it and I'm thrilled!!! The weather is perfect. I don't go home for a week, well technically 6 days. I miss everyone. I am still having a fabulous time. I really think, for me, this vacation was a complete God send. The night I had a HUGE meltdown and Darnell said, OK... time to send you away..hahah. .not really, not for forever.. but he knew I had hit my limit. So here I am. 10 days seems like a little long maybe to go away from my kids and husband, however after several years of soooo much junk happening, one thing after another, not much time to ever catch my breath, 10 was needed. I KNOW I am going home w/ a different mind set. One that I would not have been able to attain w/o a break. On so many levels, I needed this. As an adult, a 33 year old at that, I have never really done 1 single thing on my own, just as ME. Most of the time I am totally fine with that. I wouldn't want it any other way. But I think every mom/wife who started off young, needs this kind of experience to sort of see who you are, aside from a mom and a wife. I am appreciating what I have waiting for me when I get home. I am appreciating this time away. It's a good balance, a good way to be refreshed. And, really, on our budget, God made this happen. We don't have the kind of money for vacations. But God made this possible. Darnell worked his ass off so I could do this. My mom, my aunt, have willingingly pitched in to make this happen. Aaron and Meg have been wonderful, gracious hosts. I am loving being here. And it makes even that much better knowing what I am going home to. Of course I will piss and moan about winter, because of course I hate winter, but this year, I don't think it will be as bad. Christmas is right around the corner. God is GOOOOOD!!!!!
Darnell left me 8, yes 8 little love notes in my suitcase that I just discovered today. I didn't unpack everything so I found a couple then realized there were more. I couldn't stop smiling. I can't imagine my life w/o my love. Darnell, you are the love of my life. God picked you just for me. I used to rack my brain trying to figure out why. Well I think I know sorta why, b/c he knew you'd love me for ME. All my faults, all my junk, my starbucks addiction and all. I trust God and I no longer feel like I don't deserve you. God brought us together and who the heck am I to challenge that? I love you more than I could ever ever express. You truly are my best friend. I love you. good night!

Florida

I am in Florida! My flight was great! I LOVE flying!!! Yesterday and today we did NOTING! I have slept a lot. I feel like it's very restfull sleep. I can turn my ringer off and not worry about missing phone calls, I don't have to do anything.. I LOVE the palm trees! Meggie has all kinds of places for us to go,I can't wait!
Tonight, I was exposed to a WHOLE new world of wine and cheese! Now, I'm picky. But this cheese was awesome!!! I don't even think we can get some of it in WI, and we are the dairy state! Then add some chocolate.. pure bliss. And I didn't even have starbucks today, haven't had one since Tuesday at the crack of dawn at the airport! Meg and Aaron are awesome. They are wonderful parents, Coli-Bear is so precious. One of these nights I'm going to babysit for them so they can go out.
My kids seem to be doing well. Savannah had a meltdown last night I guess.. missing me. All of this is soo surreal. I don't have to make phone calls, I don't have to do anything...very weird! haha!!!!well I will update again prob in a few days, we are going to be going to some different places Meggie wants to take me to. I am blessed!

Just a few more hours!

I leave in a few hours!! Everything is done! All the laundry, packing, house is clean( thanks to my awesome hubby and kids) I made a crock pot meal that should last 2 days. I think I have all the bases covered. I have to get up sooo early so D can take me to the airport and get back to get the kids off to school. I am so very thankful for this vacation. The good Lord knows I need it! I am afraid to go to sleep because I don't want to oversleep! I already took a shower and have everything out that I'll need in the morning. I was starting to let my nervous/happy energy get to me... I was trying to renew my library books and either I completely have lost my mind and forgot the pin number or something is up w/ the system. So I spent a rediculous amount of time trying to figure that out. Well I didn't. So.. oh well. I think I over packed. But I'm organized and ready so I'd rather have stuff I don't need that forget something! I think I am still in shock that I am actually going. It's so surreal. I have literally been WHINING for months about needing a break.. a real vacation... I told Darnell I wanted to get on a plane and leave this state...lol... well he made it happen. Well God made it happen, and used Darnell to get it going. My mom and Aunt Linda are helping w/ the kids when D's at work. That gives me a huge sigh of relief b/c I know they'll be fine. It will be interesting to see me being gone effects the kids. Sometimes I feel like they don't need me... but as I was getting stuff ready I realized how much I had to take care of, just little things that mom's do and remember. I am sure I will come home refreshed and relaxed and ready for the Christmas season! well I should try and sleep. haha.. I doubt it though!

3 DAYS!!!!!!!!

3 days!!!!!! I can't wait!!! My first vacation in my adult life by myself. As a wife and a mom and having the stressful life we have, this is going to be quite exciting. While I cherish being a wife and mom, It will be kind of weird and nice to be just ME for just a little bit. I don't want to escape it, just a break from it. I've been a mom and a wife since I was 19. I wouldn't change it for anything. But every mom/wife needs a break. The last several years have been especially trying. It's seems to have all hit me harder in the last couple months. I have 2 books I probably should be reading about Isaiah's condition, but It's like I get stuck. I just can't pick up the book. I know it contains info that is going to be helpful, but it also validates the things Isaiah deals with and will continue to deal with. It's hard to read that. With Haley's bladder exstrophy at first I didn't want ANYTHING to do w/ research, support groups etc.. because I was SURE she would be the exception. She wouldn't need more surgeries after her first. Well obviously that didn't play out that way. And once I got over the shock I dove into finding everything out I could. Knowledge was power. THe more I knew about it, and what "could" happen, the better I felt. I felt equipped to handle it. There weren't as many unknown's. With Isaiah, there are sooo many unknown's. Just day to day I don't know what we will wake up to. Lately he's waking up in the middle of the night w/ night terrors again. and so with every book I read, more research I do, I find more stuff I need to know and stuff that scares the crap out of me. I know I have faith. But, I am human. these emotions don't go away. So I end up w/ anxiety about going to church, about doing things w/o Darnell b/c what if Isaiah has a rage? I know I can handle it, but I'm wore out. I've said to myself a HUNDRED times "MElISSA, SUCK IT UP!" well, obviously that didn't work. So all of what I just spewed out is the reason I am going to Florida. In September I had a major meltdown and that's when Darnell said, ok, time to send you on a break! So I'm not having a meltdown right now, probably b/c I know I'm leaving in 3 days. I know I'm not coming back to a changed environment, but I am praying that God will restore and refresh me. I know that being a parent of a child with special needs that I need to take a break for my own sanity. And for the rest of my family, lol...I look forward to coming back with a stronger sense of security, knowing I had a break and I'll be ready to be the mom and wife God wants me to be.

a bit of perspective...

I have been inspired. I read a blog, a friend of a friend's blog. It's about weight loss. And I am in no way trying to mimic her blog, but I do want to share my own thoughts on the topic. I have before, remember the "elephant in the room?" Which of course is my weight. Well first of all, it just is not in my genes to be naturally thin. So we'll get that out of the way to begin with. So It's been 6 years since my gastric bypass surgery. Do I regret it? NO!! It gave me a whole new lease on life, it got me to a point where I was healthy and could envision myself in a state other than fat. So now that I have gained some weight, b/c of my surgery I know it's possible. I KNOW I can lose weight. HOWEVER.....I don't want to lose weight in vain. Of course what woman, especially one that has given birth to 4 kids, doesn't want to look great? That's all well and good. But my parents are both severe diabetics. I don't want to go down that road. I want my children to see me healthy. I want to go for walks and bike rides and all that stuff. I know I have it in me to be a working out machine, but I don't want to do it all just to be skinny. Skinny doesn't make you happy. It doesn't give you happiness. I mean really, I've never been skinny and yet I have the most amazing and HOT husband ever, I have beautiful wonderful children, I have amazing friends and a fabulous family. I don't have all that because of what I weigh. I have that because I am BLESSED!!! God blessed me. When I am old and gray I don't think or at least I hope my kids don't remeber me as the mom who was heavy, I want them to remember the mom who loved them. I carried them close to my heart for 9 months, and held them when they were/ are sick. We've danced and played and cuddled. My bat wing arms are NOT what I will be thinking of. It's all the other stuff. The good stuff. I will spend the rest of my years loving my family. The number on the scale is just that. A number. So...I am thankful I came across that blog. It put things in perspective. I also want to add, if my children learn ANYTHING from me, I want them to see people for who they are, not what's on the outside. I want to see them how God sees them. we all were created in his image.

Interesting Day

So.. we got pulled over today for our expired tags and no tail lights. Then the SHERIFF noticed that the tread on our tires is absolutely GONE. Normally when something like this my heart would have been beating and all that, this time, I was like, well.. ok. I am not thrilled that we got tickets, but if we get new tires we can go to court and they will work with us. We don't have money for new tires! I immediately started feeling guilty about going to Florida. Then a good friend remdined me that guilt is not from God. Whether we need new tires or whatever, I still need a break. There's always something going on. If I waited until everything was perfect and peaceful, well I'd never even leave the house. Plus it's not an expensive trip. So.. in the meantime I am praying that God will provide. He always has, always will.
I have the cold my kids had and feel crappy. Ahh..a day in the life...hahha
we went to Haley's first parent teacher conference. She's doing very well!!! The transition from elementary to middle school has gone well. I am relieved. Well that's all I got.

November 1st ALREADY

Can you believe it's November already? I can't. I am glad though. it's been quite a year. Just w/ moving it has been an eventfull year. It has turned out well though! I leave 2 weeks from tmrw for Florida. i am so excited I can barely stand it. I am still in awe that number 1, it was Darnell's idea, and that I am actually going! I have been going on and on for MONTHS about going somewhere, and not just driving an hour away, like actually getting on a PLANE and flying somewhere! I did not expect it would really happen! God is good. darnell has spoiled me sooo much. I no longer feel guilty for it. I tell him not to , he tells me to be quiet, lol. I just want to be as good of a wife as he is a husband. I know God will show me the time and place when I can do things for Darnell that will give show him how much I appreciate him.. He's not at all materialistic.. so it's hard to buy him things. Buying me a coffee can brighten my whole day, sad but true. So, I will do my best to be the best wife I can be.

3 out of 4 kids stayed home sick today. Isiaiah's the only one that went to school. And it's a good thing he did. He needs to get back in the routine. Yesterday afternoon was HORRID. He was raging, digging his finger nails into may arm... not fun. And it is incredibly hard to watch him go thru it b/c I know he doesn't have control. But God does. So I'll leave it at that.

Today I picked up a few books I had on hold at the library. I Love reading and especially in the winter.

Yesterday we went to the Priikin's for a halloween party. It was so much fun. We ate, drank a bit of wine, spit pumpkin seeds, the kids trick or treated, the adults sat around a fire..it was a blast!!!