Thursday, August 27, 2009


Yesterday I finally tackled Isaiah's room and painted it. It still needs some trim work and all that but it's 90% done. That's a load off. Next I am going to re paint all of our doors on the 2nd floor and the trim in the girls room. It's all white and w/ 4 kids, only so much will come off w/ scrubbing...Darnell is off for the next 3 days! YAY! After this week he will be working a lot of overtime. That's good too. It will work out that the extra days he works the kids will be in school anyways so that's nice. They go back to school in, not including today, 5 days!! Yes I am counting down. I wish I was one of those moms that could say, Oh I am going to miss them sooo much.. but I am not. I am tired of the tattling taling, whining, blah blah blah...I will however miss the good days, the laughter, the silliness, the carefree moods my kids have. This summer was awful for the most part. I will be glad to say good bye. Not to mention the weather sucked. Hardly hot, hardly any decent days to swim..which is a shame seeings we have a great pool in our backyard. But I am looking forward to fall days, going for walks, getting some stuff done around the house. Now that I am able to stay home and not feel guilty about it, I can actually have some time to myself and maybe even enjoy it! I plan on hanging out more at Nikki's and snuggling my sweet nieces.. helping my friend Jen w/ her newborn twins once they come home..getting my house organized..With all that being said, I do realize that these are my plans. I am not naive enough to think that God may have other plans for me.. so we'll see. I am praying that this next season(literally haha) will be QUIET!!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Happy Birthday Savannah, and a bit of reflection

I got a lot done today. I even got dinner ready at like 4, which was great because all I had to do was pop it in the oven. The in home therapist came for the first time. She'll come back again next Tuesday. I FINALLY got my upstairs toilet cleaned, that's the worst part, lol.. the rest of the bathroom is a breeze. I am more than ready for school to start...I am longing to hear NOTHING for more than 5 min. I love my children dearly, however after a long summer, I am ready for silence. Tonight Haley said she was "leaking" for her that means leaking urine from down below.. for anyone else that is normal, for her, not normal, not good. She had a HUGE surgery so she'd be dry. I am not freaked out like I used to get, but I am concerned. Haley seems ok w/ it, however she is pretty good at hiding things. To have 2 kids that are legally disabled really does wear on a person. I am probably feeling it more this week because it's the end of a long, horrible, draining summer. I was telling Darnell the other night that although Isaiah is doing somewhat better, I feel like I have post traumatic stress syndrome. So much as happened just this a mom, I can't just forget or get over all that has happened. How can a mom forget the screams that come from your child when you are walking away from him, leaving him in a psych ward? How do you forget seeing him have night terrors, seeing your other kids cry because they have no idea what's going on, they are torn between the anger they have every right to feel about the situation and the fear that they feel when they little brother is in and out of the hospital? All the things we have gone thru don't just go away. As a woman and mom and a very emotional, sensitive one at that, I just can't pretend all is well all the time. With Haley and Isaiah, you just never know. I am so thankful for my faith in God. With all that I feel and am dealing with I do know that God is in control. I have no doubt. I may not like what's going on, but I still have faith. I am thankful for nights like tonight when the kids are giggling, Isaiah took a bubble bath w/ his spiderman bubbles, Darnell is playing a video game w/ Jeremiah..listening to the happy laughter and squeals coming from my birthday girl Savannah. I am blessed. Despite the challenges and trials, I am blessed!!!!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Can you say "school needs to start??"

Crabby..ornery...impatient...let's see if there are any other good words to describe my mood this fine Monday night. Foul..that's a good one, lol...This afternoon I took the kids to my friend's house. The kids all played well together, us mom's got to chat..sounds good right? Well..when it was time to leave my 6yr old son decided He wasn't going home. Excuse me? You are 6...just exactly who do you think you are to tell ME, your MOTHER, where you will and won't go? Well HE thinks he can. So needless to say that began the battle of the wills. My will verses his will. I am pretty sure I am more stubborn, but he's right up there w/ me. He can go on and on and on....This morning he was going on about a dollar. I started counting how many times he repeated this sentence" I want my dollar." He had been going on for forever when I started counting, I got to about 40 times, he probably said it 40 time before that. For crying out loud, seriously... he just wouldn't let it go....Although I admire this strong will in my son at times, today I wanted to send him to the moon. Really. I ended up dropping him off at Darnell's sister's house.She is my hero today. Seriously, she absolutely saved me!!!! I really am crabby. I think I have pinned it down to something really stupid. I have a few things I want to do around the house, like deep clean my kitchen and bathrooms. However as easy as that sounds, I get infuritated (can't spell that obviously, haha) because w/ 4 kids..everything I clean gets undone so quickly. I guess I also need to remind myself that this summer bit the big one...I'm coming out of a really dark hole that I am not even completely sure is over with. So....the littlest things set me off. Unfortunately I am not pleasant to be around at this very moment. My apologies to my family. My kids really are the best. Jeremiah is SOOO helpful all the time. He doesn't complain, he's just awesome. My girls weeded a ton and basically did all the weeding I wanted to get done. So..I will end this blog tonight thanking God for my family and getting over myself and quit being so crabby. I think I shall go to bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not My chid Monday!!!

Did you almost die of embarrassment when your child pulled their own pants down at the library? Want to scream bloody murder when your toddler took a pair of scissors to the dog's fur? Feel like a terrible mother when your kid said a four-letter-word at a back to school event? Well don't! Mothers aren't perfect and neither are children. Let's 'fess up today because it's Not my child! Monday!

I absolutely did not allow my children to basically eat leftover birthday cake all day on Saturday, simply because the sooner the eat, the sooner they will quit asking me if they can have it. They didn't even get a sugar high! I would never dream of allowing my 9yr old daughter go to the arcade at the Wilderness in WI Dells dresssed like a homeless person. Nope, not my child!! I look at it as freedom to express herself!!

And just a bit of "Not me Monday".... I definately DO NOT wish the kids were already in school so I would not have to listen to these kids argue, complain, whine and make me want to jump off a bridge...

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Back to Church!!

I finally went to church this morning..the first sunday morning in over 3 months! It felt good. I spent the day relaxing..thanks to my awsome sister in law for watching the kids..well jeremiah is at Blair's. I have been doing some thinking..this week we are FINALLY going to finish Isaiah's room. We still need bunk beds for the girls.. but once the rooms are all back in order, I want to really change our evening schedule, which will take some sacfrice on my part partially. I am thinking about turning the TV off around 7 pm on school nights. I want to have the kids read, maybe play a game together, do some quiet activities, squeeze in some family time every night. I think it will benefit all of us. I will admit that for as long as I can remember, if we are home there is at least 1 tv on in the house. Some days I just crave some quiet. And now that Jeremiah's getting older, I don't want the distraction of TV if he's got more homework..I want the girls to get in the habit of learning the value of peace and quiet. For the most part, none of our kids are TV junkies...if they have the option to be outside playing or watching tv, they definately will be outside. So we'll see..Darnell is the bomb.. I had a quiet day! He was working... Joanie had the kids..Jeremiah's at Blair's. This week I REALLY need to get some serious stuff done around the house. I got the oven need to be cleaned on the inside.. I did the fridge and freezer 2 weeks ago, under the sink is feels good to have those out of sight place clean and organzied. On that note I need to go to bed!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Awesome Day! Darnell went to the Golf Outing w/ a bunch of guys from church and then they had a big lunch at church afterwards. Now he's a movie w/ Ivan. I am soo happy he got a day to do his own thing. He does SOOO much for me..the past few weeks especially I have been in such a funk that even though I'm a stay at home mom, I wasn't doing a whole lot. He picked up the slack. So I am glad he had at least one day to do his own thing. He's been wanting to golf for so long. The kids spent most of the day next door helping our friend Janice w/ the estate sale for our neighbor. So.. I pulled up the carpet in our parlor! The floors underneath actually look cool. They need a little bit of work, but look 100% better than the crap carpet that was there, that also had a HUGE stain from the paint that got spilled by a certain someone in my house.. I feel really great today. Haven't felt good in awhile!! We are planning on going to Florida in October. We don't have alot of money, but we will are expecting some money to come in, so Darnell and I decided we needed to get away. The plane tickets are dirt cheap, and once we get to Orlando my counsin Aaron and wife Meg live there. They are super excited to have us come visit. So we won't have to pay for a hotel, transportation...just food.. and well, we have to eat weather we are home or in Florida, lol.. It is our thought THAT, give the hellish year we have had, if we do NOT invest some time ( and even some $$) into our marriage to get away, spend time together, we will not be able to be strong in our marriage. So many people put the everything else first and their marriage last. It's obvious.. divorce rates are thru the roof. For us, w/ all we've dealt with, we need time togeteher to just relax and have fun. And dare I say, we deserve it! We have always tried to put God first, our marriage 2nd and the kids next. Some look at the kids come excuses. Well..if you don't have a relationship w/ God, well you really are going to be missing out on what God has for you, and if your marriage isn't strong, how can your family as a unit be strong? It all flows, if you put things in the right order. I am in desperate need of a vacation, and so is Darnell. So that's what we are going to do! I am so excited that I pulled up the carpet in our parlor! It looks pretty decent. I am working on getting Isaiah's room finished this next week. It's actually been such a good day! And if all goes well in the morning, we are going to church! It's been too long!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Well, Isaiah's psychiatrist a few months ago said to definately go ahead and apply for SSI for Isaiah. I didn't know if we should..but once the Dr. said he needed it I went ahead and applied. Now, I have heard from various people that it can take up to 2 or 3 times of applying to get approved. WELL....God is good, Isaiah was approved! First time applying. This means we will get a monthly check and a medical card. This is absolutely from God. In so many ways, probably the biggest thing is validiation. The state of WI validates the fact that Isaiah does indeed have a disability, it's not my parenting, it's not in my head or whatever... That validation leads to the school hopefully seeing this and taking Isaiah's issues seriously, since up to this point, they have not. So what a LOAD OFF!! Thank you JESUS!!!! This also means that I can be an official stay at home mom!!! When I was trying to work and do school and deal w/ Isaiah, I felt like the world was on my shoulders. Now I can be home, take care of my family and know that finanically we are ok, and equally as important, I have a door open to us for further resources for Isaiah. I don't have to stress about trying to find a job that will work around Darnell's schedule. Although this doesn't change Isaiah's issues, I at least don't have the other things to stress me out. God knew I was at my wits end. I feel very blessed today. My children are beautiful and awesome, my husband is THE BEST, most involved father I could ever ask for. Sooo many blessings!!!!!!!

Can't sleep

It's almost 2:30 a.m. I can't sleep. I have gotten laundry done and folded..a few other odds and ends done.. I enjoy the peace and quiet, but I know in the morning, when the kids are up, I will regret haivng not slept. Normally, I sleep really good in times of stress. I think the last 8 months at least have officially caught up to me. Isaiah is home, but I am not naive enough to think that after only one day home all will be well. School starts in 2 weeks, it's VERY unpredictable as to how Isaiah will handle it. It really is a good thing I don't work. I also am going to be setting up appts. at children's w/ a neuropsychiatrist. I also need to get his eyes checked and then once school starts deal w/ his developmental delays. AHHHHH!!! There is just sooo much to all this. I also really should get my other kids into some kind of counseling..even if it's not long term, just someone they can talk to, that's not me or Darnell that can help them deal w/ having a brother that has these issues. I realize God has his hand on us... I just am having such a hard time understanding. I went thru it when Haley was having surgery after surgery. What it boils down to is... this whole situaion is what it is. I can't change it. THe best I can do is let God do his thing, do the best for my family, be the best advocate for Isaiah as I can be. Somewhere in there I have to keep my sanity. That really is the hardest part. Accepting all the emotions and feelings that come my way. Not letting them take over. We have awesome support, friends, family, etc..but at the end of the day, I have to be at peace with myself and w/ God. For the most part I do fully realize that God is God and he's soverign. We aren't promised a life w/o trials, we are promised that we won't walk alone. So I am moving towards less questions aimed at God, and more faith. And praying for his mercy and grace to cover me in my weak moments, which seem to be coming a lot these days. Well this is all pretty deep for the middle of the night.. I really need to try and sleep. I pray for an easy Wednesday. That I will have energy..that I will be productive. Off to bed...hopefully I will sleep!!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Happy Birthday Isaiah!!

Yesterday we went to Roger's Memorial to visit Isaiah. We came home w/ him! We originally were pushing for long term care. However, the long care facility affialited w/ Roger's doesn't take kids as young as Isaiah. Anything beyond that, I have no idea. There also is the issue that Isaiah DOES NOT act out at the hospital, he's not there long enough for it all to come out. It's sort of a sore spot, because they know he has these issues but he does exactly what he should do when he's inpatient. So the plan is to get in home thearpy started. He's on new meds, AGAIN! I am happy he's home for his birthday. I just feel like I'm on pins and needles, waiting for him to have an episode. I literally have to let God be in control...
Yesterday we picked up a dryer from my friend I grew up with, Phil. Our's went out and we just don't have the time to mess with it... so he had one in his garage and was kind enough to give it to us. So thank God now I can get caught up on my laundry. As much as I don't like doing laundry, I figured out real fast that when you CAN'T do laundry, you appreciate working applicance even if you don't enjoy doing the chore, LOL.. Darnell fixed the sink yesterday! He was my fix it man! And he hooked up the new dryer! He's the man. Well, I suppose I should get myself moving, no Starubcks, no croissants and I am exhausted, lol..THe last week and a half have been completely draining. Had a fun vacation in the Dells, but I still feel like I'm in the twilight zone or something...

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Home sweet Home!

Well after 3 full days in the dells, I am happy to be home. we had a fabulous time. THe kids played and played and played!!! I have to admit, I was soo sad Isaiah wasn't there, but, when I talked to him tonight, he was in a great mood, sounded really good and is super excited that we are coming up tomorrow! This weekend, I had planned on relaxing and having fun...which I did. However, I told the kids that today(sunday) I would go on the rides..,but I did NOT realize how drained I'd feel. It's like last MOn-Wed, were pure Hell.. fighting w/ Isaiah and all that, Wed. was the worst.. then Thursday I had to get everything ready to go to the Dells.. wake up SUPER early Friday morning and hit the road! NO down time, no time to really process and deal w/ all that went on during the week. Maybe I'm just super emotional, but I feel totally drained. So this morning Darnell made some kind of remark that pissed me off.. I got all emotional, had a meltdown in the van.. so ridiculous. What it came down to is everything is just catching up to me I guess. Being overtired, busy, the emotional stress of having a child in the hospital and not having any idea what the next step will be, so many unknowns.. For me, I don't deal w/ all that very well. I tend to sorta shut down. Which I am working on.. Darnell is completely opposite, he keeps busy, So this weekend,he did everything and anyting w/ the kids while I lounged in the chairs getting even more tan. Bottom line, we had a good time, but it's good to be home. The wedding was great, the reception was fabulous, especially since my oldest son danced w/ me!!! So precious! So, I am not going to deal w/ things as they come, no expectations, especially when it's concerning Isaiah..THe kids start school 2 weeks from the summer literally flew by! I need to go to bed.. my eyes are closing..Good night!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Wisconsin Dells

We are in the Dells. Isaiah's in the hospital. At first, I wasn't going to come with. I figured I'd stay home, I could use my mom's car and go visit Isaiah and just stay home. However, today for instance, I could have only spent 45 min w/ him, that's the visiting time for weekdays. Tomorrow is 2 hrs, and we've found in the past that 2 hours is too long. He starts getting ansty, whiny, crabby, asking for snacks, which I have no control over getting him, there isn't really any where we can go with him. So I only spend an hour at the most w/ him. give myself a break, I came with. I'm so glad I did. THe entire Hoaglund Clan is here, taking over the Wilderness, lol.. I feel bad a bit because after the week I had, I am literally exhausted in every way. Darnell let me sleep, he took the kids for dinner and I'll probably sleep in in the morning. The last time we came to the Wilderness was right after Isaiah was discharged from his first hospital stay. THat week I felt the same as I do now, exhausted, drained, etc..but happy to be away. So it's a bit of a balancing act to get some rest and relaxation in and have fun w/ everyone else. In the end, Isaiah sounded good today. Jeremiah, Haley and Savannah are having a blast. The upside to this trip is, we don't have to worry about Isaiah having a fit, everything being a big deal etc...I know this is all happening for a reason. Today, I am ok w/ it I guess. We dropped Isaiah's clothes off this morning on our way out and I cried and cried after we left. There are just so many emotions that go w/ all this. One minute I feel calm, cool and collected, the next I see a little boy w/ the same swim trunks Isaiah wore last summer and it made me want to cry. The emotions of of a mom I guess are unpredictable..God is good. That I have to constantly remind myself. I truly believe this weekend came at just the right time. We all needed a break, some FUN, and Isaiah is safe. At this point his safety his a priority! Well I am off to relax!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009 the hospital agian...

OMG.. today had to be one of the WORST days ever, it's right up there w/ the day we found out Haley had bladder exstrophy, and the day she had a 12 hr surgery..Today I literally, seriosly felt like I had 100lbs just sitting on my chest.. Isaiah's episode of of epic proportions! ( that makes sense right?lol) I won't get into all the details, needless to say he's at Roger's Memorial in West Allis for his 3rd inpatient stay. This time however I am pusing VERY HARD that once he's done there they put him in a residential facility. Rogers has one in Oconomowoc that I guess if fabulous. THey would do what's called a med-wash, take him off all meds, see what happens then see what he really needs and make sure it works before he comes home. It's not ideal, this sure as shit was not my plan for my almsot 6 yr old, but it is what it is. I want a better life for him than what he's having now. We have done everything we can possibly do, and we are at the end of our rope. I can't handle all the episodes, the raging, our other stuff we have dealt with. So...we are praying that the the hoops we have to jump thru to get insurance to approve the residential facility and all that jazz will go smoothly. I honestly feel so broken, so worn out, so drained. Darnell's cousin is getting married in the dells this weekend, we've had this planned for a year, I was considering what I should do. Do I stay home, so I can visit Isaiah(which by the way is extremely limited) or should I go, enjoy a break w/ my hubby and ohter kids? My mom, hubby and Mother in law have all said I should go. I need to also think about Jeremiah, Haley and Savannah.. I want to be with them and be somewhat less stressed out than what I have been in recent months.. It's not fair to them that I am always feeling so drained to the point that I don't do enough fun things w/ them. So I am going to let go of my mommy guilt, and go. On our way home on Sunday we will stop off and visit Isaiah. My eyelids are HEAVY... sorry for the typos.. going to bed, finally after this HORRID day

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

life stinks today

I don't think dealing w/ all of Haley's surgeries was this emotionally draining as dealing w/ Isaiah's. I sound like the BIGGEST whiner on the planet...but I don't care, it's my blog and I can whine all I want. I am bruised, I have scabs everywhere from him scratching..I am SOOOOOOOOOOO fed up. There just aren't enough words to describe how mad I am. And I don't even know who I am mad at...God? myself? Isaiah? I just have never felt this lost before. I want to run away. I am sick of changing poop pull ups. He's going to be 6 next week for crying out loud.. I know it's not his fault, none of this is..

So I'm stuck. I know there are so many other things I should be focused on, verses I could be meditating on..and on and on....but I just don't feel like it.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Freaked out!

Well today we went swimming at Aunt Michelle's. My mom came along and we all had a blast. The afternoon ended early though because of some nasty storms that were rolling in. Savannah was in cardiac arrest, just about...Isaiah completely FREAKED me out today. He was walking weird, having weird arm and leg movements and a couple people asked me if something was wrong. I kept asking him if something was hurting, he said no. So.. I called D to tell him because for some reason it just jilted me. He looked off. If that makes any sense at all. THen Darnell called back and reminded me that the Dr. had said one of his medications "may" cause some muscle cramping, stiffness...sigh of relief. Not that I am happy about the stiffness or cramping, but at least it should explain the weird movements. Tonight I am home doing nothing. NOt that I don't have anything to do, just zero motivation...same old complaint I guess. This week it's suposed to be hot, hopefully we can get some use out of the pool and I can get my tan on. I don't know why I feel so restless latley. I'm dying to hop on a plane and go someplace...I think it's the beginning of that feeling when the kids have been home all summer, I'm starting to count the days to when they go back. I like having them home, it's just a lot of work! I'm blessed to be home w/ them, so by no means am I complaining..but every mother has her breaking point. Most of the summer I have not done my hair or put on makeup, I have gained some weight in recent months..just not feeling attractive or any of that. Oh and it has been probably one of the most stressful summers ever.. that might have something to do w/ it! On the bright side, Isaiah has not had any episodes in over a week! Thank GOD!! I am so thankful. It just seems that once the dust settles,I feel the stress of everything. So, I am working thru that.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Pretty prouductive night

Well summer has arrived I guess here in WI..the The humidity is outrageous! I'm not complaining though, I'm not thrilled to sweat 24/7 but it is better than fall weather in the summer. Our pool is NOT clean, which really is a shame b/c we can't swim in the one week that we finally will just about need to be in in order not to die of heat stroke. THe girls are sleeping over at Grandma Hoagie's tonight, w/ Tamiah & Amara. I'm sure they are having a blast. Today I washed our sheets, had Darnell help me flip our mattress, got a lot of the laundry done.. pretty productive. Lisa let me borrow their carpet cleaner, so that has sparked a cleaning frenzy in my I think. I'm so sick of all the things I keep looking at that need to be cleaned, then don't clean it. So...hopefully I will have the energy to keep up. Monday, I really need to make some phone calls in see what I am up against w/ Racine unified. He is suposed to go to kindergarten again, but I really don't think he can handle it. I know unified won't agree, so I'll just have to show them. This is going to be a huge fight I think,however I will do what I need to do to make sure my son gets the same education as everyone else. Well I really need to go change loads so I can take a shower..

Thursday, August 6, 2009


Well tonight we went to Aunt Linda & Uncle Chuck's for Aaron's b-day party. He and Meg are in town for a few days, and Jordan is in town as well. It was SOO much fun seeing everyone. I miss all of them. We definately did not get enough time together. Jules came and took TONS of awesome pics of everyone, and I took a ton too! I love taking pics..It's the best way to document all the events that go on...

Earlier today I was SOO lazy, I just couldn't get moving. My ultimate goal would be to get up early, walk down by the lake, all that.. Of course that sounds wonderful at night, in the morning I barely hear my alarm..I still feel quite wiped out. This last, well let me think, since January basically our world has been upside down on and off w/ everything going on.. it's really taking a toll on me. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to whine. However I know myself, I see the patterns that seem to be forming. The depressive behaviors that seem to be manifesting...I'm not ashamed to say I take anti depressants.. I also know the drill, eat right, exercise, all that will help you feel better. Well how do you do that when you have NO motivation at all? How do you pick yourself up out of this rut? I keep praying for God to pull me out.. I don't know if I'm missing something, or if this is just what I need to endure right now. I am trying, very hard I might add, to convince myself that there is ALWAYS going to be some circumstance that is going to creep in and derail me from keeping my eyes on God. I know one thing for sure, I definatley need to stop comparing myself to other mom's. I am who I am, take me or leave me. Right now I can safely say that I am probably not the greatest friend, because my whole life seems to be consumed w/ the issues w/ Isaiah, I am not the greatest wife or mom because I'm sorta stuck in a rut. financially things are so tight, that doesn't help. we can't even buy the right chemicals for the pool, which is a real blow because it's finally going to be hot, and being able to let the kids swim, lounging by the pool, relaxing and watching the kids have a blast really does help. I titled this blog "brainstorming" it probably should be titled something different more along the lines of spilling out all the junk rolling around in my brain. There has been some drama in the family, which I wish would could just go away. It doesn't directly affect me per say, however seeing Darnell's family have all this strife is hard. I really pray for God to intervene..I pray that I will have the discernment to keep my mouth shut, stay out of it when it doesnt concern me..yada yada yada..
Isaiah has had a decent week. It seems his new meds are working. No rages in a week, thank GOd! He is acting weird, like he won't talk to me much, sorta standoffish.. probably because he's pissed that I took him to the hospital last week. Thank God he's only 5, he'll get over it! Well my eyelids are drooping..

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Better days

Well my last blog was quite explosive.. LOL.. I have calmed down since then. Isaiah is doing much better. I am praying that this new mix of meds is going to keep working. Not to mention the amount of prayer that is going on for Isaiah. He's some what subdued, due to the meds, they make him sleepy, usually that passes within a couple of weeks. And honestly, I can deal w/ a sleepy little boy than an angry raging one. It's that time of summer where I am starting to feel impatient, crabby and restless. I wish I could go on vacation. We are going to the Dells next weekend for Darnell's cousin's wedding, which will be nice. But I want to get on a plane and go somewhere, lol..
Yesterday Darnell sent me a message on Facebook that said" Just wanted you to know that I am sooooo in love with you".. it totally made my day. He really is awesome. I told him the other day I need some pampering, haha. That's what my counselor seriously told me though.. in all seriousness..because of all the crap I deal w/ from Isaiah( which isn't his fault that he acts that way, I just happened to be the one on the receiving end of it) I need some pampering. Music to my ears..haha...Darnell is really great about giving me time and space when I need it. I wish I could hire someone to come and completely clean our pool.. we've had such a hard time keeping it clean this year, mostly due to the crap weather. I seriously still want to move out of WI. Mainly due to the weather, plus a change of scenery...maybe I just think that if we move I can escape some of the crap that seems to follow me..however I know all too well that Isaiah's issues aren't going anywhere..but if I have to deal with it, at least I could deal w/ it in a better climate, LOL...well that's all I got right now.. I feel kinda crappy today. I have a headache.. a ton of stuff to do around the house...