Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Last day of 2009

Well I can't say that I'm sad to say goodbye to 2009. This year has been awful. But I would rather focus on how far God has brought us rather than mull over all the crap that happened! Christmas was great! Darnell's been off since the 22nd, which has been fabulous! He has been cleaning, cooking, letting me sleep...all of which I feel like I totally needed! I didn't realize how drained I was. I mean I did, but I didn't. I am proud of myself for taking my iron pills every day for the last month, plus vitamin C, Vitamin D, a mulit-vitamin..hopefully my iron levels have started to come up. I still feel very wiped out.. but I was told it will take longer than 4 weeks for me to start feeling less tired after my iron levels being so low. kids are happy. They are healthy. Isaiah is better. He will have to return ( or at least try to ) to school probably sometime in the next month or so.. not sure how that will go, but God brought us this far, So I'm leaving it in his hands.
I have never been big on New Year's resolutions. However this year I am making some odd ones, lol.. like I want to take a day to make all the bday cards I will need for the year, sounds funny, but when you have a bday party and realize your don't have a card, it's so nice to just pick one out you made and there you have it! I am looking to make things simpler. I want to grow my hair out. Weird again, but it's my new years resolutions, so there you have it, lol,.. I also need to commit to taking my vitamins daily and getting into an exercise routine. We have a membership to the Y, I need to use it. I won't even lie and say I'm giving up Starbucks, because we all know , that's not happening, hahaha..So my new years resolutions are small, minor things. So, as 2010 approaches, I am looking forward to a new year. I am not looking forward to my kids growing another year older, I soo wish I could keep them little..but I need to embrace the age their at. So that's all.. Good bye 2009!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Well this Christmas turned out WAY different than I thought it would a few days ago. So..we thought Darnell was getting his bonus check in December, however we were VERY mistaken, turns out it doesn't come until March. So.. obviously we were thrown for a loop and worried about getting the rest of the presents...I was praying, Darnell was praying.. we just sorta mulled around the house all day Wednesday not sure what to do. Well, a family seen a post I put on facebook and dropped off a check & starbucks for me! God completely provided!! We were able to get the kids pretty much all of what we wanted. I pray that someday I can bless someone in the same way financially. Until then, I just want to make sure I'm keeping my eyes open for opportunities to bless others. It's the end of 2009, I won't lie and say that I'm sorry to see it go. It's been a tough year. Isaiah's doing well, he's been sooo sweet, so loving, so innocent. This last week or so I am just so thankful for my kids. They are just awesome! I have no idea what the future holds, I'll say one thing for sure, I'm done trying to make things go the way I want them to. I have no expectation as to how things in my life will go. I have found out the hard way that I basically NO control over what happens, I need to let it all go how it's going to go and let God work. Getting myself all upset about the things that don't go according to "my plan" , lol, has obviously not worked so well. So.. I am exteremly thankful for my family and friends. I am looking forward to what 2010 has in store for us!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Up and down

I am starting to think that I am bipolar, lol...My moods are all over the place lately. I have been in such a funk the last couple days. I don't feel the Christmasy feeling I normally do. Part of it I think is Darnell doesn't get paid till Wed so we can't finish any of our shopping till then..Financially it's been a tight month. Then I go in the living room & see our new TV and stand 7 PS3, but we don't have to make any payments until Feb. so we got the stuff, but didn't have to put out a dime right now. I guesss I am feeling insecure. I'm not sure why. When I break things down in my life, I really have no VALID reason for feeling that many people are out of jobs, in foreclosure, and all that...We are very blessed w/ our home and Darnell's job and all that we have. My insecurities I think stem from this whole year being one big roller coaster. The ups and downs w/ Isaiah have just got me all goofy. He sees the Dr on Tuesday and I am hoping we can change his meds a bit. He's having more episodes, which is probably why I feel the way I do. I need to remember that God is in control. Why do I doubt and worry and get myself all worked up? Well I am going to stop complaining. I am going to focus on God, on what his word says and rest in that.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Sleepovers, Christmas programs....

Yesterday we got a 46 inch TV w/ a new stand & a playstation 3. Darnell has been wanting a new TV for soooo long, I am so happy for him to get it. He NEVER buys himself anything, EVER. He deserves it. He wanted the playstation 3 more b/c it has a blue ray DVD player. The perk was we got no payments till Feb & no downpayment! Now that we have a huge TV, I will never not have a big tv, haha. We went to Haley & Savannah's Christmas program last night. It was JAM packed.. Tamiah was in it too so Joanie & Tim were there, they stayed to watch our girls sing, it was nice. I think it's awesome that our girls, and Tamiah will have memories of going to the same school, being in programs together and seeing a whole row of us waving at them. Dominick is sleeping over tonight. Isaiah was sooo excited! He had his teacher come today, he's really doing well. Having a one on one teaching experience is so good for him. She gave him a Christmas present and it was puzzles an he loves them, and spent the afternoon playing w/ them. He also is starting to poop on the toilet!!!! He's doing it by himself! I am Praying that this is the beginning of the process of him using the toilet regularly so we can get him out of pull ups. It's very normal for kids w/ Isaiah's issues to have toileting issues as well. I've been told not to make it a big deal and he will eventually go on his own. It's all part of his sensory disorder and the feeling of having control. So, when he goes on the toilet, we praise him like he won a gold medal in the olympics, lol..He's had some episodes, but in the same turn, he's made some good progress. I think the time home w/ just the 2 of us is really helping repair the strain that was there b/c I was always the one wrestling w/ him all summer when he was having episode after episode. Now, he comes and cuddles me, says I love you w/o me even saying it first. I feel like I have my boy back. The other kids are sooo amazingly patient w/ him, and loving. And thankfully they are to me as well. As I deal w/ this last years stress, I know I haven't been easy to live w/. I'm exhausted all the time, I'm struggling w/ depression and my family is awesome to me. I really think my kids are especially anointed. They just have so much joy and love. I struggle w/ the whole church thing, but I am finding that I need to do what I need to do. If people judge me, well so be it. They haven't walked in my shoes. I know where I'm at w/ God. My kids not going to be heathens b/c we don't go to church regularly. I think eventually we will get back in the routine of it, but it is what it is right now. They/I am learning that my christianity does not balance on my church attendance. I could go on and on, but I won't. God is good to us, He loves us. That's what I focus on!! Christmas is a week away! I can't believe it! The kids are excited, I am too. I still have a lot of shopping to do since D doesn't get paid till Wednesday.. but it will all get done. Well I am going to sign off...

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Darnell is awesome!

I have been cleaning like crazy. I finally got our bedroom clean. The only thing that is not clean under our bed, it needs to be vacuumed...and it's bugging me that it needs to be cleaned! I got the laundry room clean and all the laundry done. All of it. That is alot!!!! Darnell peeled potatoes this morning before he went to work for me. I really don't think there is any other husband out there like him. Honestly...just when I think he can't wow me anymore, he does!! And he wow's me w/ little things and big things. Darnell accepts me w/ all my faults. That blows my mind. I am 32 years old and still can't believe that. I did not have a father in my life, and I'm pretty much ok w/ that. Sometimes I see older men and I wish I had some kind of dad..that my kids had a grandpa...but because I did not have a dad, it has always been hard to really accept that a man, Darnell, loves me, heck even likes me! I still sometimes have a hard time even talking to other men b/c Darnell is the only man I completely feel comfortable with. So God has blessed me w/ a husband who goes above and beyond all my expectations! And because he's so awesome, we will have 2 sons that some day, if they get married, will be awesome hubby's and dad's too, since they had such a great example. I don't feel like I deserve such a great man, but God does. I'm glad he believes in me more than I
I finally called the advocate that will probably kick some Racine Unified Ass!! I have been putting it off, I left a message b/c she wasn't home. But I made the call. Once I talk to her, I have to tell the whole counselor told me that everytime I tell the whole thing it's like reliving it again, sorta. I think he's right. It's so hard to tell it again. I need to record it and just hit play...I have told so many people the story and gotten no where. So...when she calls me back, I will tell it again. Hopefully it will get me somewhere.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Relaxing Weekend

It's been a quiet Sunday afternoon. Savannah has the flu. Yesterday we had Amara & Trent's bday party at our house. It was fun! After the party Darnell's mom brought over " A Christmas Carol" to watch..Savannah fell asleep then woke up saying her stomach hurt. I figured she ate too much junk, then she went to bed, then she woke up and asked for a puke bucket, lol, then she fell asleep again. Within a few minutes sure enough she was filling up the bucket. Gross I know...I am praying no one else gets it. I am thinking it's still from what Isaiah and Darnell had last weekend.

Yesterday Darnell & I baked christmas cookies! First, I had to go to the store, when I got home he had started cleaning out the cupboards, something I have been wanting to do for MONTHS!!! It was one of those things that I just never got around to doing and now it's done! We threw away a bunch of pots and pans we don't use that were old. Then I made molasses cookies, peanut butter balls, grapenut bread and Darnell made the dough for Peanut butter cookies. Very productive day! Today I got most of the laundry done! Yay for me, haha..

Thursday, December 10, 2009

MUCH better mood!!!

Today my mood has improved considerably since my last blog...good Lord was I a whiner, lol!!! I still don't have anything done on my list, I still haven't done anywhere near what I want to around the house, however I am ok with

The thought has occured to me that this last few months, God has allowed this time during the day, even w/ Isaiah home, for me to rest and regroup. After this year and all the trials we have dealt with, by the end of August I truly felt like I was going to suffocate. I really don't know how I was able to even get up in the morning. The Grace of God. That's how I got out of bed. I have a hard time of not putting too many expectations on myself. I also have had some real physical issues. My anemia is worse than I originally thought.. the normal iron levels are 30-110, mine was 14, which explains the extreme fatigue, adds to depression and just really puts a wrench in my plans. MY plan was that Isaiah would be in school full time, well that didn't happen so I had to adjust my plans. Well abort them completely really. I have sorta come to the realization that God has provided this time for me to rest. Yes, the mother of 4 has the right to rest. I struggle w/ that. However if I don't rest, don't start feeling better, for my family's sake, I will be of no help to them. Why is it so hard for mom's to take care of themselves. At the rate of sounding, well I don't know what it will sound like, but I really don't care, but after the last few years actually, I feel I am due an adequate amount of time to heal. Having a child w/ disabilities wipes you out. Having 2 kids w/ disabilites really can wipe you out. We are blessed that Haley is doing well. As a mom, as I have said before, things could change for her in the blink of an eye. Thankfully God has given me peace. We are aware that she could need surgery pretty much at any time if something decides to shift w/ how they have her bladder and all that set up. But I don't live in fear of that. That is a real miracle. Isaiah's issues right now have wiped me out in every area of my life. As a stay at home mom I put unrealisitic expectations on myself, then proceed to beat myself up for not keeping up...It's all just a vicous cycle that I am slowly learning to work my way out of. My husband is so supportive.. he gets it, he realizes that I sometimes need space, I need a break maybe more than I normally would and as hard as he works, he still manages to do everything he can to make things easier. WOW I am blessed. Christmas is 2 weeks away. It's hard to believe! I can't say that I am not thrilled to say goodbye to 2009, I am looking forward to the future. We are sooo blessed. We have a big beautiful home ( minus the hideous wallpaper, lol) 4 beautiful kids that are wonderful, supportive family and friends..Those are things that matter at the end of the day. God is good.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I will be quite honest..I am pms'ing...bad! I'm a craby b*tch!!! I got my laptop back today though.
I wonder if other stay at home mom's feel the following feelings:
inadequate about not doing things
feel like your mind just doesn't stop
like you will NEVER get all the things on your "list" done....EVER
feel like the days just run into each other..

I just have tons of feelings of inadequacy( can't spell it) I am tired of feeling irritated about EVERYTHING!!!!!
You know another thing that ticks me off? SNOW! WINTER!!! I hate it all. I don't give a rip about snowmen or change of seasons blah blah blah.. I hate being cold, I hate my feet getting wet from the snow, I hate driving in the snow, I hate even more..balled up snow pants, and socks and gloves and all the mess that goes w/ the kids playing outside, then proceeding to track all that lovely snow into my house so i can step in a nice lump of snow therein making my feet cold and wet!!! get my point? None of that is the least bit appealing to me. I like the *look* of the outside when it first snows, however I don't need to to see it first hand, that's what pictures are for! So here I am hating WI, being crabby and blogging about it.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Good Weekend

I am the mother of a teenager. WOW!!! I can not belive how fast the time has gone! When Jeremiah was born I thought it would take forever for him to even get to be 5, now he's twice that and more! He's an awesome kid. I just can't say enough about how proud I am of him! It's like I am trying to savor every girls are growing so fast..they are smart and beautiful.. really really beautiful!! Isaiah is still my baby. Yesterday morning he still wasn't feeling good and he just cuddled up with for the longest time. Those moments are priceless. Our house is so cozy and all decorated! I love it. I feel very blessed. Darnell is sick today..poor guy! Joanie took the kids today which was a nice break, then her girls came over here. They are hilarious!!! We were listening to all 4 girls play, they were playing pretend, it was so freaking funny. Amara sounded JUST like Savannah. It's so precious to hear them play. Isaiah and Tamiah are two peas in a pod. It's so special, especially since Isaiah hasn't ever really bonded w/ anyone else other than his siblings. Having Tamiah as his best friend is so sweet. Well I am off to relax. It's been a good weekend, I wish it wasn't over already. We are supposed to get a ton of snow..yuck. I really don't like winter. I really want a vacation. soon..

Friday, December 4, 2009

Jeremiah's 13th bday party

We had J's 13th bday party tonight. I am sort of in shock that he is already this old. Time has gone by so fast, yet when I look back, so much has happened/changed since he was born! We were 18 and 19 and married w/ a baby!! Now my baby is a teenager! We got him a cell phone for his bday! He is sooo excited!! I never thought we'd get him one this young, however now that he's getting older and doing more things I like knowing I can get a hold of him and he can always get ahold of us. Grandma Hoagie got him an authentic Favre Jersey, he is sooo excited about that too. Haley made him the sweetest card, it was just precious. He also got a years sports illustrated subscription from grandma Wasik which he loves because it's like getting a present every month!! My house is clean! Darnell did an awesome job and cleaned like crazy! We have the house so nicely decorated and cozy. Darnell started the laundry and I'm going to finish it. It feels good to have everything feel right. It's that time of year that you reflect on what you have. Soceity makes it all about what you want and should get, however after the year we've had, I am soooo thankful for what I have. My family is outstanding and supportive and loving and accepting and has been w/ us every step of the way! I have a husband who in my opinion is exceptional. He puts up w/ alot from me, lol, yet still loves me just the way I am and doesn't expect me to change. I am still fighting this depression crap, some days oare great, like today, some are not. I started my iron pills a week ago. My iron level was 14 when the normal is 30-110, so obviously mine was extremely low. I go back in a month for blood work to see if the iron pills are helping. So far, I don't feel much difference, but I figure I've been severly anemic for so long, it's going to take a bit for it to take affect. I will be glad to finally not be so exhausted. The Wisconsin cold weather is officially here... I hate it!! I really do. I like maybe one really good snowfall and I'm good to go. I have been taking Vitamin D pills to help w/ the lack of vitamin D we midwesterners get in the winter. Well I'm going to bed...In a quiet house!!