Wednesday, March 31, 2010


You know shows like Grey's Anatomy get you thinking, or at least get me thinking. They make life seem so surreal. Like how guys look all dreamy and sweet at the girl, the guy has all this emotion, the girl is perfect, perfect figure, perfect skin..It makes reality seem so, so....boring. Oh well, I think it's the moments in reality that we need to (or rather I need to) focus on. The moments when my kids do something to take my breath away and have to try so hard to remember every single moment...I have been dealing w/ this whole new age thing w/ my kids. Jeremiah is 13, he's a young man. He's so tall, he looks like a teenager. MY BABY IS A TEENAGER!!! 5 more years, and he'll legally be able to go out into the world..OMG that makes me want to puke. When the kids were littler I spent most of my time just getting thru the day....I spent most of my days in the kitchen....the days ran into each other and that was when they were babies and toddlers. Then all of a sudden they start school and although I am not doing so much for the kids, it's a different kind of busy. Why does it have to go so fast? Honestly, I'm scared of them growing up. I may say, on a bad day, oh my I can't WAIT for a quiet house. Now I will want a quiet house, but I know at some point, the door will open and my house once again is filled w/ kids voices, laughter, the sound of the Disney channel, lol....the sounds of someone yellling " MOM!!!!" for one reason or another. However when they are grown, that won't be the case. So I guess I need to focus on the moments from day to day. Today, this moment, Isaiah is riding his bike in front of the house back and forth waitig for his friend across the street to come outside. Haley is out there with him w/ her jump rope, Savannah is vacuuming, for now, my house is filled w/ loud kids, busy kids and although I complain about needing a break, blah blah blah.. I wouldn't change any of it. I am blessed. I am soo thankful for who I have in my life.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Not Me Monday!!

Are you feeling guilty for posting something to your blog while you were feeling emotional and then regretting how it sounded when it came out? Overcome with shame because you just jammed your foot into the garbage...again....instead of taking it out? Well, don't be! Not Me! Monday was born out of my desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I'd rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!

This week I did not allow Isaiah to eat cheese and crackers for dinner. I also did not and don't wear my fuzzy crocs when I bring Jeremiah to school. I would never in my wildest dreams allow my 13 year old son go to school without a coat. I didn't do that because he thought he was "cool" and apparently thought he wouldn't be cold. I wouldn't dream of letting him go w/o a coat just to prove a point!!
My kids don't ever ask me "Mom, are you going out?" because I had my hair done and makeup on and was NOT wearing sweats!

Day 2...

Savannah & Jeremiah have strep throat. I'm nervously waiting for the other 2 to get it... Hopefully they won't. You know today was a crap day. Our bed frame broke, and contrary to comments on my facebook page, it was NOT from doing anything in the bed!! I was sitting w/ my laptop and it just fell...Sooo annoying. I wish I could stay motivated. Seriously I feel bipolar, lol.. One day I'm hyped up to exercise and all that, then the next all I want to do is sleep.
I'm on day 2 of my 5 day past. still on liquids. I have been peeing like a fool, lol.. TMI? lol...Tomorrow I can eat soft protein foods such as scrambled eggs, boneless chx breast etc...I am committed to losing the weight. I worked too hard to lose it to begin with, I am not going to let myself gain it back. I need to find a balance though. I tend to be extreme. I workout like a fool, kill myself and am sore for 3 days, then I totally lose all my mojo and am lazy. So...needless to say I need to find some balance.
I talked to my dad today. It is still exciting to know I can call him. I can't wait to see him. It's weird sometimes because I have spent my life w/o a dad. Now at age 32 I feel like a little girl because I'm so excited to have my dad in my life. I will admit, I don't know how to act sometimes or how I will act when I do see him. But God is in control...I wish he lived closer. Especially because of his health. My mom is diabetic but she's here and I know and can see her to know she's ok. If she were to get sick I would be right by her side, with my dad, I'm 6 hours away. I also am getting used to the idea of having 2 parents. My mom is awesome. She did everything she could to raise me so I wouldn't go thru the kind of crap she had to. I feel like my childhood was great. I don't have horrible memories, I have good memories and I have my mom to thank for that. Now I am blessed to have both my parents in my life. Parents both love me and want the best for me. My kids are blessed w/ awesome grandparents. On that note, I guess I will go start laundry and figure out what's for dinner. The joys of parenthood!

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Well...I am emotional, PMS'ing, and overtired!!!!!! I haven't been sleeping good at all.. I went to the Dr today and he put me on a different med to hopefully help me sleep. I seem to have a really high tolerance to we'll see...I had some good thoughts earlier that I was going to blog and now I can't remember any of it..I did really good w/ my work outs this week! I am feeling it and I love that sore feeling in a weird way because I know I am really working hard then. The girls have started basketball practice. It's going to be fun watching them play. It also forces me to go to the Y and I workout when they practice. I feel like I am slowly coming out of the funk I've been in for too long. Working out and getting out of the house is a great start. Isaiah's IEP meeting is coming up. This boy needs to go to school. Not only because he's 6 1/2 years old, but because I am going to lose my mind!!! lol, seriously though because Racine Unified couldn't get their act together, didnt listen to me the last 3 years that I have pratically been screaming at them that they need to do SOMETHING!!! So now, hopefully he'll be placed into a class that suits his needs. He's my boy and I feel so protective...I'm scared he'll go into a class and get teased or feel scared and lonely... But I know God will protect him. Well I don't have anything else interesting to say...

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Burn baby burn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I worked out TWICE!!!!!!!!! Once in the morning when Isaiah was at school. I did 45 min on the elipitical. woo-hoo!! I was sweating bullets! Then tonight when I brought Savannah to her basketball practice I did a half hour on the treadmill.. I did it at a 4 incline w/ a speed of 4 or 4.5.. something like that.. I was definately feeling the burn! I showed Jeremiah how to use a bunch of the different machines. It feels good that everyone in our family is getting SOOO much exercise!! Now w/ the girls in basketball they are getting exercise there, plus the girls have been doing like a half hour on the treadmill everyday. Plus I've been going on walks w/ Isaiah, now that he can ride a 2 wheeler! He's sooo proud of himself. THe psychologist evaulated him today at school. She saw that he definately has a learning disabiltity and NEEDS occupational thearpy specifically for his eyes!! I am really ready for him to be in school. He's 6 1/2..he's getting bored and he needs to be in school. I am really praying that this team that is working on his eval will place him where he needs to be.
I actually jogged yesterday and today!! Not a whole lot, but it's a start. I have a goal to lose 60 lbs. I believe I can do it. I need to prove to myself that I can do it. I wish I could get a trainer..but I am going to do the best I can. I am trying to eat according to my gastric bypass diet. The Biggest Loser is a huge motivation to me! The way the push thru the burn when they are exercising, I have to work on that, lol...
Things w/ my dad are going great. The kids have talked to him twice. It gave me chills the first time. It's something I never thought would happen. It is an answer to many prayers and then some!!!!!!!! It's funny how things turn out, how much better God puts things together than we could ever do on our own! Well I am off to bed!!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Just being REAL

Since this is MY blog, I will not apologize for the nature of this blog. I'm going to be real, because that is just the way it is. I hate being broke. During that time when we get our taxes, we have enough $$ to cover the basics and the extras..then all of a sudden it's gone! It's so frustrating. I can't work. It truly is not because I don't want to, I really can't. Not w/ Isaiah and his disability. So..we barely can make ends meet. I must say, God always provides. I guess today it's just not having the extra that is getting to me. I just would like to live a life where we didn't live paycheck to pay check...however I am also very aware that it could be a whole lot worse and I should probably quit whining. But we all have to get it out of our system once in awhile...So.. I think I'm done whining now.
On a brighter note, things w/ my dad are going great. The kids talked to him last weekend. I am still soo excited, it's so surreal..This is all such a GOd amazing!
Haley got into Walden and The Real School, we are going to send her to the Real School! She will be bused!! Then hopefully Savannah will go there in 6th grade too and they both will be all set all the way thru high school. I feel better w/ them going to a smaller school. I am hoping Jeremiah will want to go there when he goes into high school.. we'll see though. I guess at the end of the day, I am thankful. Thankful for my family. That on a friday night I spent the evening watching a movie w/ my hubby and kids. So many families are don't have both parents that love them to the ends of the earth and love each other to the ends of the earth. Darnell and I have that. We don't hve a perfect life, but I will tell you, whoever you are that reads many people that don't have money issues, don't have husbands like mine, husbands that are awesome and faithful and fabulous fathers, or don't have kids that are great, and honest and loving! I have all that, maybe not the money, but the family that is awesome. That is what matters.

Saturday, March 13, 2010


I did absolutely nothing today. Well not anything productive anyways. I wanted to go to the gym, but didn't. I am still anemic and somedays I really feel it. Today was one of those days. For 2 weeks I was on the ball, energetic and working out.. this past week, I have had zero motivation.. Tomorrow is a new day though.

Last night I was giving Jeremiah a hug good night he said "I'm glad I'm your boy" and I say " I'm glad I'm your mom"... I started that with m when he was like 3 or 4..I wanted him to always know that I not only love him because he's my son, but because he is an awesome kid.

I am getting closer to my dad, thru email and talking on the phone. If someone woulda told me 6 weeks ago that I would now have a realtionship w/ my father, I would've thought they were crazy! But God is amazing, and brought this all together. I feel blessed.. I have a fantastic mom, an amazing family and now I am getting to know my dad! That is a void that is being filled that I never thought would be....Praise God!
I plan on getting back on track this week w/ working out.. I have a dentist appt on Monday...but am going to go to the gym. Thankfully the appt is just for another set of impressions for my partial..I need to get all teh kids into the dentist. Savannah needs braces..and the list goes on, lol..

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

All I Need is..

Well I have been thinking..scary I know, lol...I have a HUGE tendency to look at life w/ the cup half empty..I don't mean to, I just get caught up in the stress and strife and worry that comes along w/ life. I try to figure it all out, micromanage EVERYTHING!! That is NOT what God wants from me. It says in the Bible that he is my provider, my healer, my strength.. so no wonder I start freaking out when I try and do all of that on my own. I've said before, I need to shut up and get out of God's way to let him do his thing!! His plan is much better than mine I am sure. AFTER I have a episode of the "what if's" and stop and remember that God is in control, immediate relief flows thru me! God has done SOOOOOO many countless things in my life, I seriously should write a book someday, we've been in dire straights, w/o a vehicle, living w/ relatives( early in our marriage), a daughter born w/ a birth defect who has gone thru more than anynone should have to, yet as I type this, is playing, laughing hyserically w/ her siblings!! 10 years ago, I NEVER would have imagined she'd be this well adjusted, so comfortable in her skin, confident, GORGEOUS!...God is GOOD!! My children, well I am speechless sometimes when I look at them. I have days like any other mom when they drive me up a wall, HOWEVER, they are loving, compassionate, thoughtful, FUN kids. They don't fight like most siblings, they know God...I am in AWE of what God has done for us. I look at the things that are right in front of me and think, oh how will this work out? The panic creeps in, then I remember, or family or friends remind me of God's awesome power, and that all I need is HIM. to trust HIM, not my own resources. They I take a big sigh of relief!
I love how God surprises me. I never in million years thought I'd hear from my dad. However, I have prayed for a long time that if a relationship was ever going to begin, God really would need to drop it in my lap. I wasn't going to go chasing it down. I wanted to, but I wanted it to be a God thing, not a Melissa thing. And God did it. I'm getting to know my dad. Slowly, but surely there is a relationship building. How wonderful! And in God's time, my kids will meet their grandpa. I have to say that my mom is the bomb. She raised me by herself, and she just amazes me. She had a rough childhood and vowed that she would not let her child go thru any crap. And I didn't. Things weren't always easy, but would it be real life if they were? lol...She has supported me and prayed for me and been there for me every single step I've taken. She's just awesome. So mom, if you read this, just know that even if I don't say it, You are my hero!!!! And on that note, I am going to close for today!!! Listening to Hillsong and praising God!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

watching the Oscars...

It's almost spring! I can't wait!! It's this time of year that you know it's right around the corner! Darnell had to come home sick today from work and go to prompt care, it's a virus but a nasty one. Last night Darnell, Ivan, Jeremiah and J's friend went to the Bucks Vs Cavs game and the girls and I hung out w/ Nikki and the girls. It was so much fun! It makes me miss my girls being little, but then I have to remind myself(again) to savor the moments I have w/ the NOW!! This morning I made homemade pancakes, Savannah helped. she's still at that age where she wants to be mommy's helper. I am soaking it up!!!! It's Monday tomorrow, I need to get myself back on track w/ working out and eating, last week I worked out 3 days and did ok w/ eating those 3 days, but since Thursday I have been eating crap.. Thank God for a new day tomorrow! I am going to bed I think, I am watching the Oscars and falling asleep!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Not Diabetic!!

Well I had my physical today. I felt like an old person, lol, I had a huge list of things I needed to talk to the Dr. line, I am NOT diabetic! All my blood work came back normal..I am still anemic but it's getting better. I have a chest Xray tmrw for my shortness of breath, and an Xray on my neck. It's been hurting for awhile and I've had a continual headache for the better part of the last 3 months! So, I also will be having physcial thearpy and she gave me a muscle relaxer which I've only taken once.. so far it helps! Things are going great w/ My dad. It's still SOOOO weird to call him and have him call me.. it's all so exciting! I realize we are just beginning to get to know each other, but I think we are off to a good start! Darnell is sick tonight, my poor baby!!! He's an awesome hubby and daddy. I am off to bed.. getting sleepy!