Monday, July 29, 2013

Did the clock stop?

I have been couponing a LOT lately. Getting great deals~ spending very little money to stock up on stuff. It's something that pre-occupies my mind. 

Darnell starts radiation on Thursday. I have so many emotions and mixed feelings about life right now. It totally sucks how you can be going through one of the hardest trials in life, feel so alone but life goes on for everyone else. But you life stopped. I feel like life as I knew it, stopped June 18th. When the love of your life, the person you have shared literally half your life with, have children with and simply love undeniably is diagnosed with cancer, you feel like life stopped. 

So while life has gone on for everyone else,  I feel like it stopped. I had a dream and in it I was out somewhere and all of a sudden was upset because someone said it was Halloween. I woke up and thought, that's how it feels. Or will I sort of "wake up" when it's all over? But in the dream I was upset b/c I felt like I had missed summer and fall. 

I have been trying to find resources for families like ours. It's not easy to find. You don't realize until you go through something like this how hard it is.. like all the other "stuff"....How will we pay all our bills? How do cancer patients that go through months of treatment and make it? 
2 of our kids have birthdays in August, we need to get school know.. life stuff. 

In spite of all the "needs" we have and anyone has, God has blessed us. The FB group I am blessed to be a part of~
Rockin' Mommas started a meal train and has been bringing meals for our family. Our church did it to for 2 weeks after Darnell had surgery. This is such a blessing. It's nice to not have to worry about preparing or making dinner. I see God's hand in our lives. I just have days of doubt, fear, and insecurity. 
I'm a work in progress... working towards to finding peace when I feel like life is coming apart at the seams. 

Heads up to any friends/family that may read my blog~ if anyone has said to us "if you need anything, seriously  just give me a call"... well you may be getting calls!  We need our family and friends now more than ever. So thank you for being here for us.