Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Just keep swimming.........



We just keep swimming. Even if we, or I don't want to. I want to stomp my feet and yell at God and tell we have had ENOUGH! I am tired of watching my kids deal with physical disabilities and psychological disabilities and now watch my husband deal w/ cancer.  Watching my kids see their dad not be "normal" is so hard. Granted his prognosis is great, according to the oncologist up to this point. But Darnell still is a cancer patient. He is in the middle or radiation. All of it takes a toll. 

I don't know how we would have made it this far w/o the support of family and friends. This benefit/fundraiser is an absolute LIFE SAVER. Seriously, there aren't enough words for us to express our gratitude. So many people willing to help and support us! I just hope enough people come b/c so many people are donating awesome things to be raffled off.. they are taking time and $$ to put these things together for our benefit. 

Darnell's handling radiation so well. He's tired and the area is starting to get irritated, but so far that's all. His short term disability department at work can kiss my a$$. We have received ONE check from them. He's been off work for 2 months. I want to call someone and rip them a new one but whoever answers the phone, it won't be their fault.. it's a whole series of events that have led up to this. 
I struggle with the part of me that is a human being with raw, real emotions and I want to be angry about cancer, I want to be angry about bladder exstrophy and all the issues Isaiah faces. Some days I am angry. My emotions get the best of me. I want to shut down. But I can't. So I need to rely on God to get me past all that. It is HARD. But if I don't push through all that, I am not going to get done what needs to get done. It's that simple. 
On the plus side, b/c of all the medical bills, we hit our out of pocket limit so anything else we go to the Dr for will covered for the rest of the year. I wish that included dental. I have had a lot of work done but need a whole lot more but I hit the amount that the dental insurance will cover. Anything else I need done, I have to pay 100%. SOOO not cool. 
It's all small stuff in the grand scheme of things. 
I seriously just want to be home, with no where to go. I don't want to deal with people or appointments...

So forgive me if I'm not upbeat, positive.. but this is how I am at this moment. And I'm fighting the tail end of horrible migraine too. 

So... I do just keep swimming. like it or not.