Well I am trying to get myself together. I feel like my mind is all over the place. I'm trying to get organized in so many areas in my life. I am trying first to get my blog looking like a real blog.. start one about couponing but when I try to put it together I can't figure it out. We are homeschooling Isaiah but honestly with everything that's gone on... I'm really not starting till 2nd semester. He can't handle all the changes and honestly I can't either.
The reality of Darnell having had cancer, gone through everything he has, how it's affected me, the kids, our entire life has hit me like a freaking mack truck and most of the time it feels like I'm stuck under it. I cry. ALOT. most of the time I don't even know why.
The person I want to be, strive to be feels so far off. I don't want to complain and be crabby. I don't know how just naturally be happy for things I do have. I am thankful for so much. But this depression, anxiety.. what I feel is post traumatic stress syndrome b/c I've dealt with that before. I don't know how to get past this. I have faith, I have some hope although that is dwindling away. I hear all the things people are supposed to say.. have faith, pray, rely on God, etc.. well I am doing that. And I hate sounding like a broken record but I am just so tired of these huge life changing things happening to us. I'm emotional and with this depression I deal with, most of the time it just feels like I'm going to barely make it through it all.
I'm not embarrassed to say I'm medicated. lol. or that I am going to my counselor. One that I need to see on a regular basis.
So I'm not in a good place. I just am trying to get through really one day at a time as cliche as it sounds.
I will be getting a couponing blog up and running soon.