Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Weird day

It's almost 5 pm and it's still very light out. That's a good sign. I have chili simmering on the stove, the kids are outside sledding and Darnell's at work. Today has been an off day. I can't put my finger on it. I just feel, yucky. I don't know if it's the weather, depression or just one of those days. It has crossed my mind that I am grieving for Nikki. It's been a week since they lost their son and she has been one of my best friends for over 10 years. I have never quite known how to feel or act when someone close to me goes thru a loss like this. So of course I googled it, lol. And apparently it's normal. When Julie, my best friend also, lost her dad, I felt the same way. And it is in no way about me, I just feel so bad for them..I have prayed, I know God will give them peace. I think any mother can relate to what Nikki is going through. I can't say "oh I know exactly how you feel" but mothers have a bond. Only another mother can understand the love a mom has for her children. So...Nikki, if you ever read this, just know that from one mom to another, I'm grieving with you. Not in the same way obviously.
I have to contact DDIS for Isaiah. There are more services available that I need to get for him. I know there is a MOUNTAIN that I still need to climb to even get close to feeling like I have done everything in my power to make sure Isaiah has all the tools he has to be successful, and that we have the tools necessary to raise him properly. I don't ever want to look back and say, oh well I didn't know about that...or I should have done this or that. We are aware of his needs( most of them I think) we are aware that his way of approaching life is completely different than everyone else's. Honestly that is what overwhelms me the most at times. As parents we really have such a limited time with our kids. The years go by so fast, the teaching moments, the memories all that stuff happens so fast. And for Isaiah, I just want the best for him. I want the best for all of my kids. They are awesome children. They are respestful and honest and loving.
They have morals and values. They value family. That is so important to us. I know as they grow up they will lead their own lives, make their own mistakes, just like everyone else. But I will always be proud to be called their mom.