Sunday, July 15, 2012

Feeling abandoned

God, are you there? Are you listening ?
Do you see what I am going thru?
I feel as if you are light years away...
These physical problems I have are consuming me, draining me, crippling me.
I keep waiting for something to change and the opposite happens- things get worse. I feel like every single aspect of our life is being tested.
Our vehicle, our finances- so much so that I can't even tell my son when he can get his hair cut. Our fridge & cupboards are barely thriving... The list goes on. How utterly embarrassing to admit all this. I see people who have it together & honestly I'm jealous. Jealousy has reared it's ugly head b/c if someone asked me if we wanted to do something that wasn't free, no matter how cheap it is- we'd have to decline. I am having awful dreams that I'm being judged for the Starbucks Darnell will buy me here & there when in reality that coulda been a haircut for my son.

So again I am wondering where is God in all this?
A lifetime of believing & trusting tells me he's here- but I'm not feeling his comforting touch or seeing his hand move. I feel abandoned.