sick and tired

Isaiah went to his program yesterday and didn't today. I was SOOO mad. I will put it right out there and say I am sooo sick and tired of his moods and episodes dictating the whole dang day. He blows up about everything and dang it I'm SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!! I reallly serioulsy don't know how much more I can take. We have this porch crap to take care of & that's stressing me out..I know I need to trust God, and I feel like I have been trying so hard to put my faith in him and it seems like things are just getting worse! I've got no motivation, i need to clean and be productive and I just can't seem to get myself together...I feel like I just want to say ok God, ENOUGH! So there..I need to spit that all out.

Couldn't sleep last night!

Well I was up till 4 a.m. ~ I had a cup of reg. coffee at like 6pm and I guess that was too late... so after laying in bed trying to fall asleep for forever, I changed the laundry, folded it, organzied Savannah's drawers in the middle of the might, lol.. At least I got the rest of my laundry done. And since it's so nice out today I think I'm going to wash our sheets and put them out on the line. As I was laying in bed I did a lot of praying. We really need the $$ to get our porch done. I need to let God be God and do his thing and not get in the way. He has a plan, He has gone before me in everything I do, so why would this situation be any different? God does care about the details! So I am resting in that today! We had a bonfire last night, smores! And yesterday we went for a walk for the 3rd day in a row. Well I am off to start the day..a bit late since I didn't fall asleep till 4...oh well..

Isaiah is HOME

Isaiah is HOME!! He came home last night. He slept ALL day today. Part of it I think is his new meds plus I think he was just worn out. Tonight he had a big episode, but I didn't give in and yell or whatever( I am reading "The Difficult Child" and it says responding to him by yelling is like feeding into his rage) so I just went about my business and he finally calmed down, then he apologized without me asking! I feel like a made a small step in handling him. Baby steps....

Faith

Faith is no irresponsible shot in the dark. It is a responsible trust in God, who knows the desires of your hearts, the dreams you are given, and the goals you have set. He will guide your paths right. -- Robert Schuller --

That was posted on Facebook under the prayer thing..that is exactly what i needed to hear today. There are so many unknowns in life that having faith and trust in God is a must. Circumstances tend to get in the way somtimes of that faith and trust, and I am learning to remember to have faith rather than let the circumstance shake me. I think it is so awesome that God cares not only about our needs, but the desires of our hearts. How cool is that?

Well I am going to see Isaiah today. I am hoping he'll be coming home tomorrow or Thursday. They changed his meds so we'll see.

Laying it at God's feet!

Well today I did nothing. I never got dressed, I never took a shower, I did however get a couple loads of laundry done. that's it. I just felt so tired and drained. Tomorrow starts the week and I am a bit apphrehensive because I don't know what this week will hold for Isaiah. He may come home Wednesday. He's on new meds, he's going to be starting the day treatment program...so much new stuff. Good stuff, in the right direction just overwhelming. So I need to just take a step back and let God work on me. I have nagging thoughts of our porch getting done, painting, all that putzy stuff that runs thru my mind as well as all the bigger stuff. So.. I am going to lay it at God's feet. I really am at a place where I have to place else to look. I guess sometimes that's how God works. He lets us get to the point where we have no other choice but to look UP!! I can't micromanage every detail. I need to leave it at God's feet and really leave it there. So.. that being said, I'm going to bed!

Praise the Lord!!!

We went to see Isaiah today, he did pretty good. towards the end he started getting antsy and crabby. We met w/ the social worker who is referring him to the outpatient program at Rogers Memorial in Kenosha. It's a day program. I should be hearing from his Dr. about his meds and all that. So..I am relieved to finally be getting some help. On a another VERY good note, tonight me and a very special friend (she's truly like my sister and best friend) had a good long talk, cleared the air and in turn, I think, became even closer. Just to keep this personal, you know who you are and I love you!! I can go to sleep tonight knowing that things are better. God is certainly moving in my life.

Isaiah's in the hospital

Well Isaiah was admitted last night to Rogers Memorial in Milwaukee. He slept the whole way there, and thru most of the intake. While I was talking w/ the nurse Darnell got his jammies on and told him he would have to stay a few nights, when I came out from talking w/ the nurse Isaiah was sitting on D's lap sobbing. I felt so bad. He was so tired, we tucked him in and he fell asleep. We will call him in about a half hour. We aren't going to see him today because we don't want to disrupt his schedule and get him all upset for a 45 min. visit. I am really praying that we get somewhere with all this. I miss him, but to be quite honest, I feel relief. Relieved to know he's hopefully getting help, that we will get help in dealing w/ him. The girls are going to the trailer this weekend w/ Uncle Chuck & Aunt Linda and I think we'll have Jeremiah spend the night at Blair's or mom's. This will give Darnell and I some time together, to regroup, rest. I am very blessed w/ a great support system. Part of me feels like, this all just sucks. To have 2 of our 4 children have disabilities really bites. However, I also realize it could always be worse. They aren't life threatening, yet still stressful. I have had a few people in my life tell me all I did was talk about my kids( when they were going thru surgery, hospitalization, etc) and that has really tripped me up. I then feel guilty. Well, I am past that. These are my kids, my babies. How in the world could I NOT talk about it, not have it be my focus. I now know who is really in my corner and who isn't. And I have to say, I am extremely blessed by my circle of support.