Thursday, July 14, 2011

Thursday thoughts......

Today it felt like the Chiari reared it's ugly head and flared up on me. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't pleasant either. I have SOO many phone calls to make for appointments for me, Isaiah, dentists appts for everyone, IEP meetings to set up for Isaiah....maybe that's why my head hurts. I know the only way I'm going to get answers about my own health is to just get things taken care of, make the appointments and go. Part of me I think is stalling b/c I don't want to deal w/ either A. the Dr telling me.. Oh you are fine to which I will say plain and simple, bull shit. Or B. You have the following things wrong with you..... to which I will say DAMN IT! But I need some pain meds. I need some relief. So enough of that. 
I never imagined my life turning out this way. If I had to make a list of pros and cons, the pros definatley would win. It's just the cons are some real big ones. I read in Acts tonight that God doesn't want to always change our circumstances, he wants to change us, our character.  So I am trying to see where he's wanting to refine me and all that. Don't get me wrong, I have days where I just am not happy at all about the hand I've been dealt. However, I realized a long time ago that God did not promise that life would be easy. He never promised anyone that. We look at people and get jealous b/c we think they have it all and blah blah blah... well I think if we keep thinking like that, we are never going to allow God to help us get out of our junk. we can't be looking at everyone else and then expect God to just pull us out of our bucket of mud. We need to reach out. I'm learning that, and have gone around the mountain so many times i'm getting dizzy.  Now I have kids watching me. I don't want them to repeat the same cycles. I pray God will give me strength to keep my mind and emotions in balance when everything doesn't fall into place. I pray that for the many friends I have that are going thru some pretty crappy stuff right now.