Saturday, July 2, 2011

Why do I blog?

Why do I blog? Sometimes I read over what I've blogged and think OMG I sound like a freaking, whining, lunatic!!!! Then other times, I feel like I've captured that days moments, feelings, things that I may otherwise forget. Years ago, as a teenager I naively thought that I would remember EVERYTHING for forever. Well, obviously I was sadly mistaken! Now I can barely remember what day it is, my zip code or to call my child by their given name. Usually it's "hey you, what's your name!" Then they same MOM, it's "Savannah or Jeremiah!!" Well.. you know... it's all have the same last name at least, lol. 
I also blog to help release the junk rolling around in my head. I have a lot of extra stress in my life that most may not have. Do not mistake that statement w/ a statement of pity. It is NOT. It simply is a fact. So..b/c of that, I need an outlet. And since I still have not found a decent shrink, blogging is the next best thing. I don't get feedback, but I at least can sort of let the build up of stress out a bit. For example, last night, I felt the headache coming on. It was extremely uncomfortable. Then I woke up this morning and it was raging full blown. It feels like you just want to jump out of your own body and can't. It has got to be one of the most frustrating things ever. after several hours, I finally was able to sleep for awhile and when I woke up I felt well enough to at least function. 
Today I had plans~ between the heat and headache, nothing got done and that pissed me off. so.. that is why I blog. If I don't have someplace to at least express this frustration I think I'll lose it even more, haha. 
Darnell is 100% supportive and if he comes home and things are a mess b/c I just couldn't get things done, he is fine w/ it. But most of the time the kids do their chores and everything gets done. 
I blog so I can express myself, keep a journal of what I'm going thru, blog about the things my kids do so I won't forget. It's Melissa Hoaglund, the good and the bad, take me or leave me, love me or hate me. In the end, me and my family will be the ones to benefit from it the most years from now, when we read the fun and goofy things we all did, when we see how God moved in our lives, healed us, saw how things fell into place. That's what this life is all about. If I don't write it all out, I'll forget so much. I want to have something to pass on to my kids. And hopefully they'll know me and love me enough to look past my whining and complaining and concentrate on the real me and take that with them. And see how very much they are cherished and loved. I could go on forever, but I won't.