Wednesday, September 21, 2011

getting answers...

I have finally got some answers from the Dr's....I have moderately severe carpal tunnel in both hands, I have a bulging disc in my neck. I saw Dr. J on Monday and he did the test for carpal tunnel, he's also ordering and MRI on my back and traction for my neck. He also gave me a prescription for pain!!! The headache clinic couldn't give me anything besides a muscle relaxer. I am glad to be getting answers. I am not happy that it seems as if my body is falling apart at my age. The headaches stop me in my tracks...my neck keeps me from doing even normal things...it's all a bit overwhelming. However, it is what it is. I have to keep a positive attitude which is extremely hard for me. I've had a lot to deal with and it just seems like it's not stopping. I don't want to be one of those "oh why me" type of people. I just am not thrilled w/ all the crap going on. I realize God has a plan, I just am not aware of it yet. I was or thought I was an independent woman, I am capable of many things, I know I am smart and not meant to just do nothing. But with these health issues, it limits me SO much. Well the more I think about it, it limits the things I think I SHOULD do or want to do etc... Maybe God is allowing all of this to send me in another direction? I am still trying to figure it all out. I feel useless a lot of the time. I need to tap into what God is telling me and trying to show me. Darnell tells me all the time how beautiful and awesome I am, what a great wife/mom I am. I have such a hard time believing him. So, this new journey that I am on has a lot of questions, I have a lot of doubts. One doubt I don't have is that God is still in control. 
I am excited to be going to Florida in 2 weeks. I need the break.