Wednesday, September 21, 2011

getting answers...

I have finally got some answers from the Dr's....I have moderately severe carpal tunnel in both hands, I have a bulging disc in my neck. I saw Dr. J on Monday and he did the test for carpal tunnel, he's also ordering and MRI on my back and traction for my neck. He also gave me a prescription for pain!!! The headache clinic couldn't give me anything besides a muscle relaxer. I am glad to be getting answers. I am not happy that it seems as if my body is falling apart at my age. The headaches stop me in my neck keeps me from doing even normal's all a bit overwhelming. However, it is what it is. I have to keep a positive attitude which is extremely hard for me. I've had a lot to deal with and it just seems like it's not stopping. I don't want to be one of those "oh why me" type of people. I just am not thrilled w/ all the crap going on. I realize God has a plan, I just am not aware of it yet. I was or thought I was an independent woman, I am capable of many things, I know I am smart and not meant to just do nothing. But with these health issues, it limits me SO much. Well the more I think about it, it limits the things I think I SHOULD do or want to do etc... Maybe God is allowing all of this to send me in another direction? I am still trying to figure it all out. I feel useless a lot of the time. I need to tap into what God is telling me and trying to show me. Darnell tells me all the time how beautiful and awesome I am, what a great wife/mom I am. I have such a hard time believing him. So, this new journey that I am on has a lot of questions, I have a lot of doubts. One doubt I don't have is that God is still in control. 
I am excited to be going to Florida in 2 weeks. I need the break.