I had a good talk w/ God tonight. I have decided that I need to make some changes but I cannot make them w/o God leading me. I have been eating like a fool lately. I am well aware that it is mostly b/c of stress and a little bit about the side affects of meds and such. so..I need to make the changes.
I also have realized that I need a good christian lady mentor. I don't know who and it's something I am praying for. I also need a good shrink... lol. seriously. I am dealing w/ a lot of heavy emotional and mental crap and I know that I can't deal w/ it on my own.
I struggle w/ my kids all being older. Instead of embracing them at the stage they are in, I am missing the days when they needed me more, and when they were little. Which on one hand doesn't make sense b/c having them all more independent has it's obvious advantages. But I do not want to look back in 10 years and regret not taking the time I have w/ them now and not getting the most out of it. I tend to either pine away for what used to be or look too far into the future and get myself all out of whack about what is to come. That is why I need balance. I am glad God is a God of order. He balances things out. I just need to let him.
I realize how blessed I am. I know I take it for granted. I have a husband that is so in love w/ me, something sometimes I just have to ask WHY?? lol.. but I'm so in love w/ him so I am thankful for what we have. I also have 4 amazing kids that are really more than I could have ever hoped for. So.. this night I am thankful and hopeful. I am a work in progress. I am so thankful God doesn't give up on us.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new possibilities and I am looking forward to what God is going to do in my life.