Friday, April 24, 2009


Well I just am in a rut. It's beautiful outside, and yet I still only feel like just staying in bed. Tomorrow it's suposed to be crappy out again..There is so much I should be doing yet I don't do a dang thing. I feel like it's all in my head, but how do you pull yourself out of a rut? I need to workout, I need to be on top of things. I am so far from any of it. Honestly, I feel like I'm sinking deeper into depression than ever. I know all the things to tell myself not to.. the self talk, all the reasons why I shouldn't be depressed. Give it to God, don't sweat the small stuff...etc.. but anyone who struggles w/ depression knows that it just isn't that easy. Depression and anxiety get a grip on me and I HATE it! It's not that I am voluntarily chosing this, but it is what it is. I tell myself that feelings are feelings and nothing more.. blah, blah, blah.. all the self talk on the planet does zippo for me! So I don't know where to go from here..I already take an anti-depressant..I guess I need to go back to the Dr and see if I need somethings adjusted. We'll see. In a way I feel like I shouldn't even put all this into words, but I am not going to be a phony. This is how I feel, I can't change it...I wish I could