Sunday, August 22, 2010

Depression

Have you seen the commerical about depression meds that says " depression hurts" well it's true..It hinders so much of your life. So many people can say well just cheer up or snap out of it, well if it were that easy don't you think I would do that? I mean really... would I choose to be depressed, not have any energy, not want to go anywhere or do anything? I hate having things to do, places to go and I literally can NOT make myself go. And what the heck do you say to someone, oh well I'm depressed, I can't go? Then all that ends up happening is you turn into the unreliable person who shows up for some things, and not others. It's not because you liked one event over anohter, it's how you woke up and felt that day...I've listened to Joyce Meyers for years and she always says don't let your feelings/emotions dicate your actions. Beleive me, this is not what depression is. I just want to cry sometimes because I feel like I'm letting my family down, letting friends down because I am so stuck, i guess is the best word. I am doing my best to manage this. There are just some days I feel like I just want to be forgotten. Does that make sense? Just so I can be...be without constantly having someone need me. And of course I get it, I am a mother of 4 kids, I chose this, I wouldnt' change it, but dealing w/ depression puts a kink in things, a lot!!! When Darnell's home, he's does so much. He is an awesome support. I feel bad for him, having to deal w/ me, lol...I will say, I won't quit trying to feel better, to get better.