Sunday, November 27, 2011

Dreaming!

So, I'm going to do a bit of whining or venting, call it what you want. Last month~ 10/12/11 Darnell and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. When I look back at our wedding, it makes me kinda sad. Don't get me wrong, not sad about who I married, obviously, lol, but the wedding. I didn't think I cared all that much but I guess I do. Because of our circumstances our wedding was very small, we didn't have a real reception. Heck, we didn't even know where we were going to sleep that night. Most people have a honeymoon planned and a hotel room all decked out. If it weren't for our wedding party pulling together and getting us a room at the Radisson, we would have been sleeping at Darnell's house but we didn't even have a bed yet. Am I having a pity party? Maybe. But I feel like sometimes you just need to get this stuff out of your head. It was like 4 years before we got our own place and stayed put. I realize no one forced us to get married. But guess what? We did. I was blessed with a bridal shower but had no idea what I was registering for. I wish I could do it all over again. Mostly because I know what marriage means. I want to renew our vows, I want to celebrate the fact that God has brought us through the last 15 years. Maybe I'm just being emotional. I've said it myself, it's not the wedding, it's the marriage. But I would love to have some new pics of wedding pics when I'm not pregnant.lol.  And, if money allowed, I would totally plan an entire wedding and reception. I realize this may sound selfish, but I guess I don't care. I just want what every bride wants, to have your name called and walk into the reception w/ your husband, dancing to an awesome song. I want to dance and have all eyes on Darnell and I. I guess I just want what every girl wants. 
Let me say for the record.. this is all superficial stuff. I am blessed to have a great husband and a good marriage. I wouldn't change that. The wedding stuff is just me dreaming a bit, wishing. but when it comes down to it, I know so many people have the big huge wedding w/ all of that stuff and then have a crappy marriage. Obviously I would rather have a great marriage. Sometimes you just want to have your cake and eat it too! lol