Saturday, November 26, 2011

He doesn't look any different..

"He doesn't look any different...are you sure he is autistic? " Is he like rain Man? Is he a savant? You can't even tell there's anything wrong...


Those are just a few of the things I have heard about my son and his disability. People don't see it with they're eyes so they assume it's not there. That's the biggest mistake a person can make if you ask me. NEVER assume everything is fine just by how it looks. YOU don't live with this child. YOU don't deal with the issues on a daily basis. Recently my son's behavior has started to increasingly get worse. So that meant a med change. ok, fine...I think the hardest part of all this is yes he'll smile and make eye contact with people. But he doesn't CONNECT on a deeper level. That level where your child will come over and just cuddle or snuggle up. Where he will look at you and you can feel that connection. For my son, that isn't there. That doesn't mean he doesn't love us. He absolutely does. He just shows it differently. He loves to clean. He loves to be helpful. Those are his ways of showing his love for his family. If you give him a hug and tell him how proud you are of him, he will just sort of stand there. Because to him, his "hug" was what he just did. He cleaned, or did something he really thought you'd like. I am blessed that God has enabled us to see that in him. As a mom though, there are just those times where I want to hold him tight like I did when he was a baby and have him hold me right back. I miss the affection. I know that he shows his affection in other ways, it's just hard sometimes to see my 8 yr old and have him look at me so blankly. some days he'll smile at me and of course it lights up the whole world. At the end of the day, when he's sleeping I go into his room and kiss him and rub his cheek. I can cuddle him, sort of, and just pour out my love for him and hope that in his soul he feels it. I know that sounds crazy, but when he's awake, he'll only let me hug him for a minute or two. when he's sleeping I can just sit next to him, my head on his back and listen to him breathe. All that love and compassion I want him to have I hope he feels. 
I have learned that people just don't get it. And a lot of times they just don't have the sense to keep their mouths shut. I don't mean that to sound rude, but really.....
If you don't know enough about something, don't pretend that you do. I would rather someone say that then say, oh he looks "normal"....THAT makes my blood boil. still working on that. lol. I am thankful my other kids can connect w/ Isaiah. Thru playing and laughter and just being kids...They play and their laughter is like music to my ears.