Wednesday, March 2, 2011

OVERLOAD

Well I talked to the nurse from the urologist office today. She spoke w/ the Dr. From looking at Haley's history, it sounds like some things need some tightening up where they "re-wired" her. This Dr, Dr. Mitchell, isn't her regular urologist. Dr Balcom is. He's awesome. But Dr Mitchell is prob the 2nd best bladder exstrophy specialist in the country. There have been procedures named after him. He retired here in the midwest and has spent the last 5 years working "part time" at children's hospital. So he knows what he's talking about. So it looks like surgery is going to be on the schedule pretty soon. I have mixed feelings about this. I knew this was coming. It's just been so long since we've dealt w/ it. the kids were younger, we didn't have to explain things to them, ..
I feel like I have a boulder on my shoulders.. I'm concerned about not having a 2nd vehicle... we travel back and forth so much when she's up there.. now I'm wishing we would have bought a 2nd vehicle w/ our taxes, but we needed a new stove and fridge and obviously I couldn't predict all this. Trying to keep up w/ our other kids, be there for Haley.. I feel completely overwhelmed. I know God will give me what I need. He always has. I'm glad I have time to prepare. There is a chance we could go up there and they could say, oh she doesn't need surgery. In that case I may be sorta pissed off b/c if she's leaking now, chances are it's not going away and we specifically told the Dr that we want this taken care of now.
I feel like I want to scream, cry, run away, sleep, I know I am over the top right now... but oh well... it is what it is. If I don't get all this off my chest, I won't sleep good, and I feel like my mind is going a mile a minute. Tomorrow I will come back and read this and think geez Melissa, what a whiner, lol...oh well. take me or leave me. I'm just a mom, trying to get thru some rough stuff w/ my baby. yes she's 12, but she'll always be my baby.