Monday, April 11, 2011

An Epic day in my life

Today I was diagnosed with this:

Chiari malformation (kee-AHR-ee mal-for-MAY-shun) is a condition in which brain tissue protrudes into your spinal canal. It occurs when part of your skull is abnormally small or misshapen, pressing on your brain and forcing it downward. Chiari malformation is uncommon, but improved imaging tests have led to more frequent diagnoses.
The adult form, called Chiari malformation type I, develops as the skull and brain are growing. As a result, signs and symptoms may not occur until late childhood or adulthood. The most common pediatric form, called Chiari malformation type II, is present at birth (congenital).
Treatment of Chiari malformation depends on the form, severity and associated symptoms. Regular monitoring, medications and surgery are treatment options. In some cases, no treatment is needed.
For me, this is brutal. My aunt has this, along with some other medical conditions. The symptoms I have are constant headaches, neckaches, constant fatigue, migraines, and some other subtle things that I didn't think meant anything until today and I put all the puzzle pieces together. 
THe scary part is, is that this doesn't go away. I will either end up having surgery on my brain/head, or some kind of treatments that may or may not work. And I will still have to deal w/ the symtoms. This whole thing just completely knocked the wind right out of me. 
Today, I do not feel optimistic or happy that it's not something else or blah blah blah. I'm scared, upset, mad, overwhelmed and tired of being sick. It sucks. this whole damn thing sucks. 
I already have my hands full dealing w/ 2 kids that need medical attention. Now I have to deal with this. We need a 2nd car, a washing machine, a bike for Isaiah... I'm rambling and possibly having quite the pity party. but i think i'm entitled. 
So...I'm pissed off, exhausted, overwhelmed and have to pull it together by tomorrow afternoon to bring Haley to Children's hospital for her test to find out if she needs surgery.