Saturday, April 16, 2011

Ranting and Raving.....

I joined a Chiari Malformation forum. It is very helpful to communicate w/ other people who know what I am going through.  Last night it hit me that I am only 33, I feel like I am wayyy too young to be diagnosed w/ some weirdo condition that causes so many odd synmtoms. I can't even spell, haha. I guess I'm just angry. There is just NOTHING normal about our family. yes I know what is normal, really? but come ON... 3 out of 6 of us in our family have these medical issues.  I think the word of the day is anger or maybe frustration. I know I have to accept this. But I still feel like it's not real. Until my head starts to hurt, or my feet go numb or tingly after standing for a little while, or the light outside hurts my eyes or my neck hurts like crazy...All the dumb pain I have reminds me that I do, in fact, have Chiari Malformation. A week ago, I thought all this stuff was just....normal? I don't know what I thought. But I was perfectly fine not knowing.  What is the standard time to feel like you got hit by a mack truck? How long will I feel like this? 

I'm scared of the surgeries I may face...the other conditions that go along w/ CM....and just the fact that there is something not right with my BRAIN. Is it just me or isn't that ALARMING?!?!?!?! My brain and spinal cord?  Well I'm done now. I needed to get that outta my brain damaged head, lol.