Monday, November 30, 2009

Venting sorta

Well I haven't blogged in awhile..we got the tree up and decorated outside, we put up icicle lights and it looks so nice. The kids are excited. We put the tree up and the house feels so cozy. Thanksgiving was good, I can't believe how fast this year has gone. I started my iron pills, YAY!! I am still concerned about my blood sugars, they have been high and shouldn't be. I am hoping it is not diabetes, however my odds aren't good. But we'll see. My issues w/ depression have been so-so. Some days I feel great, others I feel like crap. Yesterday I stayed in bed pretty much all day. I was so tired and slept on and off all day. I am realizing that I have the choice over how my mood is going to dictate my day. I could be going to the Y more, I could be doing so much more, yet I don't. THis is the time of year that we all reflect on the events of the year past. 2009 pretty much sucked. It's been roller coaster after another. Everything w/ Isaiah has spun my head around so many times, and I wonder why I am depressed. Isaiah's issues are so complicated in so many ways...the unknown of what his future holds scares me. He is home and should be in school, he is delayed in so many areas. There are days that his behavior makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry...there are days that his smile lites up the room. THe ups and downs sometimes are just soo much. I know for a fact God has sustained me, If not I surely would have been admitted to the psych ward months ago, lol...I am blessed in so many ways..how come I can't thrive on that? I guess it's a day to day choice. I wanted to be in clinicals by now, on my way to becoming a nurse, I wanted Isaiah to be thriving in first grade and my life is not that at all. I have 2 kids that have disabilities, Haley is doing well but there is always that little voice in my head that reminds me that at any point things could drastically change for her, and she could need surgery. However, I know what we've gone thru w/ her and survivied, I have no doubt God would see us thru anything. I guess I'm just rambling...good thing to do right before you go to sleep...