Wednesday, September 22, 2010
This time 16 years ago Darnell and I were just beginning our life togehter. However, I was an extremely insecure 17 year old girl and he was so laid back it made me sick,lol. We fought A LOT... just ask our friends. However thru the years I have been told by a good friend that we for sure did not lack passion. We fought passionately but we loved each other even more passionately. Sort of like the saying work hard play hard. 14 years ago at this time I was 6 1/2 months pregnant and planning our wedding!!! D told me from the VERY beginning that he wanted to wake up to my beautiful face every day. Boy he didn't know what he was really asking for, haha. Now our kids are little protege's of me sometimes, haha. Now that we have children, all out of the baby/ toddler stage life takes on a different meaning. What happens now will shape who they become to some extent. And as the years have passed so quickly I realize that we only get one shot at this. It's not something you can take lightly. What we do, say, believe directly affects our kids upbringing. We have the power to shape their childhood years. I want them to have good memories. I want them to Love God, love others. I want them to stay close when they get older. No offense to my mom's side of the family, but unfortunately she and her 4 siblings had a rough life and now I belive their relationships suffer because of it. It's a shame. I want my kids to stay close, to have the mentatlity that no matter WHAT. I think because of Haley's surgeries, Isaiah's disablilty, they will stay close. Tragedy, illness stuff like can really bond a family. what it all boils down to is that I love my kids to the ends of the earth. I want the best for them in their life. I want the choices D and I make now to be the right ones for them. I don't expect perfection at all....just to know that we did our best for them. When we first got pregnant w/ Jeremiah, it was rough. We weren't married.. you get the idea.. to a lot of people that is very common and normal. well it wasn't for me. I'm not in any way judging anyone else, I just was young and brought up to wait till I got married. well obviously that didn't happen and then I was pregnant. Well.. all these years later, I look at Jeremiah and see what a great kid he is. when I feel like being a bad ass I want to say to all those that were so negative about us getting married etc..nananananana... he's the best thing that ever happened to us. However, it is by the grace of God. he made it possible for Darnell and I to make it thru all the trials...I never imagined we'd have 2 kids w/ disabilities, one physical one mental. I wonder what God is thinking?? haha.. He sees something in us, I may not see it, but he trusts us w/ these kids. I heard a quote that said something to the effect of God picks those that are willing not necessarily qualified. I don't or have ever felt qualified to handle all this. But, I did say to the Lord a very long time ago that I was willing to go the distance, to handle what God sent our way! Well he sent it alright! I am proud of my kids. I am proud to be their mom. God will make me qualified as I go. Good thing, lol!!!