Friday, September 24, 2010

The Elephant in the room....

So...the elephant in MY room as of late is..drum roll..... the weight I have gained. Maybe not important to some, but to me, it is a sign of going in the wrong direction. I had gastric bypass 6 years ago. I have gained about 40lbs since I was at my lowest. And even when i was at my lowest, I never EVER got down to be "skinny".. I did not have the surgery to look like a barbie doll. I mean really, I have had 4 kids... I will not look like a model or whatever unless I undergo a major overhaul and the overhaul is hauling all this extra skin off my bod. so... I wasn't nor am I looking to be that skinny chick. I'm ok with that. I am NOT ok w/ gaining weight. At one point, I FELT like the exercise QUEEN.. I really felt like my own version of a rock star, hehe...Well that has gotten put on the back burner that is no longer even on the stove! So that means the weight has slowly crept back on. Yuck. The exercise part requires energy. I do have 2 valid reasons my exercise has suffered to some extent, not entirely. 1, I had an extremely low iron level...almost dangerously low. To the point I had so little energy that I just could barely function, let alone exercise. My 2nd thing... depression. People say well exercise helps you not be depressed. Well tell me this oh wise one.. how the heck can you muster up the energy to exercise when you are so depressed you can't even take a shower w/o being worn out? It's an oxy moron. depression makes you not want to do anything, exercise gives you energy.. it's just hard to get that jump start. And, I have totally gone off my eating habits that I should be following according to my post gastric bypass diet. So do I have a plan of attack? no, not yet. I do have one thing I need to work on, not hating myself so much that I can't get past that to actually do something good for myself. Doing the work to be skinny isn't the right motive. I want to be healthy. All of that being said, I still need to work on how I see myself, figure things out in my head and hopefully get somewhere. I can't afford to buy new clothes so I better figure it out quick. ha.