Wednesday, June 3, 2009

One moment..

Well this evening I had a moment that will stick w/ me forever. To back up a bit, the last few days have been extremely difficult, for the whole family. This morning Isaiah just went nuts, didn't want to go to his program, blah blah blah, so I called my aunt linda because I just needed someone to give me an idea of what to do..well she said the same thing I have been saying, there is something just wrong w/ a 5 year old telling ME, his MOTHER what he is and isn't going to do. It doesn't work that way in this house pal.. anyways, Uncle Chuck called, said he was on his way put on a pot of coffee. So he got here and sorta put Isaiah in his place ( which he clearly needed from someone beside me or Darnell) He told him point blank that he WILL be going to his day treatment program today. Isaiah calmed down, rode his scooter a bit before the van got here and when it did, he started the waterworks, my tummy hurts...yada yada yada... Uncle Chuck picked him up and put him in the van, after about 5 min of a stern talking to, the van took off...whew...I was so relieved. I relaxed the rest of the afternoon. Darnell was in Racine today so he came home on his lunch w/ my favorite pizza (BBQ chx) and then revealed to me that he and the rest of my family have been planning a little getaway for Darnell and I next weekend ( June 11-14) at uncle chuck and aunt linda's trailer. He's got the kids all set for where their going to go.. he was trying to keep it a surprise but because of Isaiah's treatment program he had to tell me. So that is awesome and gives me something to look forward to. Then, when Isaiah got home, he had a small incident w/ Savannah, thankfully I was able to distract him w/ cleaning the dining room table( it's his new thing, lol) well I took the girls to church and me and Isaiah came home. We went on a walk and since we are a block from the lake we just went around the block and then he asked if we could sit on the bench facing the lake. We sat there, he leaned his head against me, and THAT moment, made all the other hard moments fade away, even for just a minute. We counted the sail boats and talked about the birds..It was a priceless moment that I soooo needed to have with him. Then as we were walking back home and I was looking up at our house it was like God was clearly telling me, I have provided this home for you, all the things in it, you have never gone w/o the essentials..etc, so why would I even question that he won't A) provide what we need for the porch and B) provide any other need that I seem to let anxiety get the best of me. Why do we question and fret and worry? God has proven over and over that he is faithful, He is for me, not against me, what he has in store for me is what's best for me. I sometimes think or fall into the line of thinking that God just has put me on the back burner and then have a pity party...that is not the case. So...thru this journey of dealing w/ 2 kids w/ disabilities and 2 kids that have to deal w/ siblings w/ disabilities.. I am at a point that I have to Trust that God is leading me. I am glad I didn't miss that moment today w/ Isaiah or for that matter the moment where I felt God gently reminding me that He is in control, he hasn't abandonded me. And on that note, Isaiah has just woken up and hopefully he isn't have a night terror!