Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Crabby!

ok.. now I feel like blogging..I'm crabby. Isaiah already had a mini fit, hit Savannah...knocked my cup across the room. Can I just say ( and since this IS my blog, I will be whining, or complaining..pissing and moaning...that is anyone who reads this their fair warning!) I'm tired of all this. I'm tired of dealing w/ it by myself. I'm tired of being broke, I'm actually tired of the feeling like I HAVE to have starbucks and croissants. It infuritates my husband, I waste too much money on it and causes crabiness between us. I chew ice and it annoys my husband as well. Everything that I do to relieve stress makes or causes Darnell to be mad or irriated and is not good for me. I want to disappear. For awhile. Sometimes I just wish I was invisible. I really am whining..geesh..but I need to vent it out or I'll go nuts..I have to fight so hard to get Isaiah any decent help, and then it still feels like I'm getting no where or going backwards...Everything I do has an impact on someone else...real big epiphany there eh? I'm tired of worrying, and I know all about not worrying, trusting God....the whole thing, yet w/ so much coming at me on a regular riduclous basis, I just want to go on vacation for a really long time. I want to crawl into bed, and stay there. I wish I had the energy that other people do in the morning, to get up early, go for a walk, be healthy, organized.. I'm so not any of that. I know you aren't supposed to be so vocal, but I don't like ME.. who I am, how I am, who I seem to becoming.. how do I change that? God... I'll put it out there... I need a break through... I need a miracle.. I need relief. And the only way that will come is thru you... I've tried finding it on my own, obviously that got me know where...but right now..I need some major relief from the mountains in my life. So.. I think that is enough for today.. I feel sweet slumber coming on.. does that make sense? lol...going to chill