I was a vegetable today.. figurativley speaking..

So.. today (Tuesday) went much smoother than Monday. I woke up literally feeling like a was in a fight, which in reality, I guess I was. Isaiah didn't have a good morning and I absolutely NEEDED Darnell home today. I was totally physically and emotionally drained. Thank God he was able to stay home. I was more than irritated after speaking w/ Isaiah's day treatment social workers. Here's the scenario.. they of course want him there consistently... well of course so do we...HOWEVER, if he will not get on the van, will jump out INTO traffic in a last ditch effort to go, what the Heck am I supposed to do? Well THEY think I should just bring him myself. New scenario.. Isaiah has a history of trying to jump out of a moving vehichle, he will not stay buckled so he gets up and comes after me w/ his fists swinging while I'm driving...get the picture? So I'm supposed to some how bring him in the hopes he won't do that for a half hour drive w/ 5 other kids in the van. And THEY are the professionals telling me to "try" and do that b/c Isaiah really will benefit from the program, he's fine once he gets there..yada yada yada..I'm not an moron, I get all that. However I will not put our entire family at risk. Now that I've wasted too much time whining about that..Tonight I'm up WAY toooo late for my own good. But this is the time of night I get things done. I so wish I could be a morning person. But I know if I wake up early, my kids have radar. It never fails, if I wake up, SOMEONE will wake up too. Darnell and I have talked about getting up early and going for a walk down by the lake. Which sounds wonderful, go for a nice walk, spend some time together before the day starts, get showered and all that jazz before the kids wake up. Great idea in theory for someone who is a morning person, which I am not. And even if I could drag my lazy rear end out of bed and do that, I will most certainly crash around 9 a.m. of course getting up that early will require much more caffeine...but again there's the caffeine crash..So whatever...There are so many things I want to do, and don't. So many motherly traits I see in other moms that I wish I possessed but don't. Maybe the late hour is making me whiny, lol..I think so...at any rate, trying to better myself seems like something that needs to go on the back burner until we get things ironed out w/ Isaiah. That alone requires just about all I have in me and making sure my 3 other precious kids are ok too. God give me strength. We also could use a finanical blessing. Point blank. I need to go to bed.. my eye lids are heavy..