Thursday, August 6, 2009

brainstorming..

Well tonight we went to Aunt Linda & Uncle Chuck's for Aaron's b-day party. He and Meg are in town for a few days, and Jordan is in town as well. It was SOO much fun seeing everyone. I miss all of them. We definately did not get enough time together. Jules came and took TONS of awesome pics of everyone, and I took a ton too! I love taking pics..It's the best way to document all the events that go on...

Earlier today I was SOO lazy, I just couldn't get moving. My ultimate goal would be to get up early, walk down by the lake, all that.. Of course that sounds wonderful at night, in the morning I barely hear my alarm..I still feel quite wiped out. This last, well let me think, since January basically our world has been upside down on and off w/ everything going on.. it's really taking a toll on me. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to whine. However I know myself, I see the patterns that seem to be forming. The depressive behaviors that seem to be manifesting...I'm not ashamed to say I take anti depressants.. I also know the drill, eat right, exercise, all that will help you feel better. Well how do you do that when you have NO motivation at all? How do you pick yourself up out of this rut? I keep praying for God to pull me out.. I don't know if I'm missing something, or if this is just what I need to endure right now. I am trying, very hard I might add, to convince myself that there is ALWAYS going to be some circumstance that is going to creep in and derail me from keeping my eyes on God. I know one thing for sure, I definatley need to stop comparing myself to other mom's. I am who I am, take me or leave me. Right now I can safely say that I am probably not the greatest friend, because my whole life seems to be consumed w/ the issues w/ Isaiah, I am not the greatest wife or mom because I'm sorta stuck in a rut. financially things are so tight, that doesn't help. we can't even buy the right chemicals for the pool, which is a real blow because it's finally going to be hot, and being able to let the kids swim, lounging by the pool, relaxing and watching the kids have a blast really does help. I titled this blog "brainstorming" it probably should be titled something different more along the lines of spilling out all the junk rolling around in my brain. There has been some drama in the family, which I wish would could just go away. It doesn't directly affect me per say, however seeing Darnell's family have all this strife is hard. I really pray for God to intervene..I pray that I will have the discernment to keep my mouth shut, stay out of it when it doesnt concern me..yada yada yada..
Isaiah has had a decent week. It seems his new meds are working. No rages in a week, thank GOd! He is acting weird, like he won't talk to me much, sorta standoffish.. probably because he's pissed that I took him to the hospital last week. Thank God he's only 5, he'll get over it! Well my eyelids are drooping..