Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Happy Birthday Savannah, and a bit of reflection

I got a lot done today. I even got dinner ready at like 4, which was great because all I had to do was pop it in the oven. The in home therapist came for the first time. She'll come back again next Tuesday. I FINALLY got my upstairs toilet cleaned, that's the worst part, lol.. the rest of the bathroom is a breeze. I am more than ready for school to start...I am longing to hear NOTHING for more than 5 min. I love my children dearly, however after a long summer, I am ready for silence. Tonight Haley said she was "leaking" for her that means leaking urine from down below.. for anyone else that is normal, for her, not normal, not good. She had a HUGE surgery so she'd be dry. I am not freaked out like I used to get, but I am concerned. Haley seems ok w/ it, however she is pretty good at hiding things. To have 2 kids that are legally disabled really does wear on a person. I am probably feeling it more this week because it's the end of a long, horrible, draining summer. I was telling Darnell the other night that although Isaiah is doing somewhat better, I feel like I have post traumatic stress syndrome. So much as happened just this year...as a mom, I can't just forget or get over all that has happened. How can a mom forget the screams that come from your child when you are walking away from him, leaving him in a psych ward? How do you forget seeing him have night terrors, seeing your other kids cry because they have no idea what's going on, they are torn between the anger they have every right to feel about the situation and the fear that they feel when they little brother is in and out of the hospital? All the things we have gone thru don't just go away. As a woman and mom and a very emotional, sensitive one at that, I just can't pretend all is well all the time. With Haley and Isaiah, you just never know. I am so thankful for my faith in God. With all that I feel and am dealing with I do know that God is in control. I have no doubt. I may not like what's going on, but I still have faith. I am thankful for nights like tonight when the kids are giggling, Isaiah took a bubble bath w/ his spiderman bubbles, Darnell is playing a video game w/ Jeremiah..listening to the happy laughter and squeals coming from my birthday girl Savannah. I am blessed. Despite the challenges and trials, I am blessed!!!!