Isaiah...in the hospital agian...

OMG.. today had to be one of the WORST days ever, it's right up there w/ the day we found out Haley had bladder exstrophy, and the day she had a 12 hr surgery..Today I literally, seriosly felt like I had 100lbs just sitting on my chest.. Isaiah's episode of of epic proportions! ( that makes sense right?lol) I won't get into all the details, needless to say he's at Roger's Memorial in West Allis for his 3rd inpatient stay. This time however I am pusing VERY HARD that once he's done there they put him in a residential facility. Rogers has one in Oconomowoc that I guess if fabulous. THey would do what's called a med-wash, take him off all meds, see what happens then see what he really needs and make sure it works before he comes home. It's not ideal, this sure as shit was not my plan for my almsot 6 yr old, but it is what it is. I want a better life for him than what he's having now. We have done everything we can possibly do, and we are at the end of our rope. I can't handle all the episodes, the raging, our other stuff we have dealt with. So...we are praying that the the hoops we have to jump thru to get insurance to approve the residential facility and all that jazz will go smoothly. I honestly feel so broken, so worn out, so drained. Darnell's cousin is getting married in the dells this weekend, we've had this planned for a year, I was considering what I should do. Do I stay home, so I can visit Isaiah(which by the way is extremely limited) or should I go, enjoy a break w/ my hubby and ohter kids? My mom, hubby and Mother in law have all said I should go. I need to also think about Jeremiah, Haley and Savannah.. I want to be with them and be somewhat less stressed out than what I have been in recent months.. It's not fair to them that I am always feeling so drained to the point that I don't do enough fun things w/ them. So I am going to let go of my mommy guilt, and go. On our way home on Sunday we will stop off and visit Isaiah. My eyelids are HEAVY... sorry for the typos.. going to bed, finally after this HORRID day