Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Can't sleep

It's almost 2:30 a.m. I can't sleep. I have gotten laundry done and folded..a few other odds and ends done.. I enjoy the peace and quiet, but I know in the morning, when the kids are up, I will regret haivng not slept. Normally, I sleep really good in times of stress. I think the last 8 months at least have officially caught up to me. Isaiah is home, but I am not naive enough to think that after only one day home all will be well. School starts in 2 weeks, it's VERY unpredictable as to how Isaiah will handle it. It really is a good thing I don't work. I also am going to be setting up appts. at children's w/ a neuropsychiatrist. I also need to get his eyes checked and then once school starts deal w/ his developmental delays. AHHHHH!!! There is just sooo much to all this. I also really should get my other kids into some kind of counseling..even if it's not long term, just someone they can talk to, that's not me or Darnell that can help them deal w/ having a brother that has these issues. I realize God has his hand on us... I just am having such a hard time understanding. I went thru it when Haley was having surgery after surgery. What it boils down to is... this whole situaion is what it is. I can't change it. THe best I can do is let God do his thing, do the best for my family, be the best advocate for Isaiah as I can be. Somewhere in there I have to keep my sanity. That really is the hardest part. Accepting all the emotions and feelings that come my way. Not letting them take over. We have awesome support, friends, family, etc..but at the end of the day, I have to be at peace with myself and w/ God. For the most part I do fully realize that God is God and he's soverign. We aren't promised a life w/o trials, we are promised that we won't walk alone. So I am moving towards less questions aimed at God, and more faith. And praying for his mercy and grace to cover me in my weak moments, which seem to be coming a lot these days. Well this is all pretty deep for the middle of the night.. I really need to try and sleep. I pray for an easy Wednesday. That I will have energy..that I will be productive. Off to bed...hopefully I will sleep!!!