Yesterday at some point, can't exactly remember when, I prayed that God would provide for us. I wasn't freaking out, just said a prayer. WELL....today, I get the mail and see something from AT&T payroll dept. well when I got my Iphone last January we had to put a rather large downpayment down. In an effort to be completely honest, our credit was/is crap so we had to put money down. However, if you pay your bill for an entire year on time w/ not getting your service cut off, you get that deposit back. Well we got it back today. Totally unexpected! It was awesome!!! We went to Walmart and got groceries & all that good stuff. I got an electric blanket. SOO excited about that! Then tonight I watched " Julie & Julia" Good movie. I like how Julie's whole thing is about blogging. Which of course I like doing! In my blog I will not be blogging about meals I make, it's about my life, as a 30 something wife/mother/woman who is just trying to figure this life out and make it out alive! Some days I am positive, others I am a whiner and cussing and well just letting it all out. That's the point. For me it is. I don't want to be fake. So my blog pretty much is what your read is really what you get from me. Watching that movie sparked a thought in my little brain, Julie set a deadline to finish her blog about baking Julia Child's recipes in 1 year. I need to do something like that, but different.. I need to do something and set a goal. I need to feel accomplished at SOMETHING! I at times, lots of times, feel like a not so hot wife/mom...THese last few years have honestly taken a lot of "me" out of me. Does that make sense? I use to cook and bake all the time.. I just know I used to be someone different. I feel like that anyways.. I guess as you get older, our kids are getting older and the dynamics have changed, so maybe that's why I feel so....weird. However I am feeling better. My iron level went from 14 to 25. The normal levels are 30 -110, so I'm still low and had to up my iron and I feel like at a snails pace am getting some energy back. That's hard when it's winter in WI! I'm home all day, every day..I need to find something that I can do for myself, finish it and give me that feeling satisifying feelng. After 13 years of doing laundry and cleaning, that isn't cutting it anymore. Partially because I no sooner clean up the mess & someone behind me is making another one.. I am *thinking* about starting w/ my attic, moving thru every room in the house and doing a complete deep cleaning, de cluttering,. That of course doesn't sound fun, but honestly it will give me a good feeling that I am doing a good job as a housewife. We'll see, I need to pray about it.
Tomorrow, I am stepping into the unknown. Going to a different church on a Sunday morning for the first time. I am leaving Isaiah w/ Joanie. I feel sad that I can't bring him, but I need to scope this out, check out the church, see if it's something we are going to commit to and then ease Isaiah into it. It's in Kenosha and he does not do well in the van for very long. I am realizing how many changes we have to make because Isaiah can't handle the ebb & flow of life. That makes me sad. I know, I pray he will be able to someday, but for now, I finally feel God directing me in a different direction. I have no idea where it will take us, so we'll take it one step at a time. So.. I guess I had a lot in my head tonight..Good to get it all out!