Monday, January 11, 2010

Flashbacks, Children's Hospital..etc...

So today was like a flashback of my life 9-11 years ago. Call Children's, wait for them to call back, wait some more, tey call back and say get up here ASAP. Then I start the frenzy of calling Darnell, the grandma's, babysitters, the usual. So Darnell comes home from work and off we go. Haley's pain in her left side, I thought it was her hip bone but it's actually the pelvic bone. On the Xray ( which I took a picture of w/ my Iphone) On the Xray you can see "something" where her pain is. It's obvious and it's not on the other side of her pelvis. So tomorrow the orthopedic surgeon will look at her Xrays and we will see what he says. I also am asking the Physican's assistant to have him check the gap between her pelvic bones. due to the nature of Bladder exstophy, it's normal for Haley to have a gap, however I have heard of other kids having to have revisions of their pelvic surgeries because even after bringing the bones back together sometimes they spread too far apart as they get older. I have a pretty good feeling that Dr. Thometz will say it's fine, but I am glad we brought her in. Tonight her pain level was at a 5. She is a tough cookie and I told her tonight that I want her to be honest about her pain. She doesn't always have to be strong. Because if we don't know how she's feeling, really feeling, we can't help her.
Going to Children's brings back a flood of memories. Yes, Haley is for the most part fine, and she's almost 11, but I will not lie and pretend that being at Children's, 6 days before her birthday, smelling the smells, being there, just brings back alot of memories. I do have to say, thru the years and with the bad memories come alot of good ones too. Memories of all our friends and family that have supported us, prayed for us, took care of our kids, made us meals, I could go on forever.. the point is..God has truly blessed us. In spite of the fact that we have 2 children w/ disabilities, God has blessed us in incredible ways. So when I whine or complain, I am not forgetting what God has done nor am I unaware of what God has for us, good things. But as a human, as a mom, I have not had the easiest year or two.. I'm still recovering if you will from this last year w/ Isaiah, while still dealing w/ his continous issues. So.. I am a work in progress. I am a wife/mom/follower of God who is *gasp* and brace yourself, depressed. Working hard to pull myself out of the pit of depression. I will be quite honest to say it's hard to do that when things keep getting thrown at me. What goes thru my head? "just roll w/ it Melissa, this is life, this is parenthood...blah blah blah.." or "suck it up...shake it off...Well, I'm working on it! God is working on me. In his time, I will come thru this and I am trying not to wallow and fall into self pity although I know I tend to fall into that. again...a work in progress. I HAVE to get a handle on all this, I have 2 kids that have chronic issues and 2 other kids that have siblings w/ chronic issues..thankfully I have a husband who is completely at my side, working just as hard to do the best we can with our kids. Darnell & My mom have been sooo supportive and understanding and doing what they can to help me, guide me, listen to me.. as well as my great friends. I am blessed. Tomorrow I will update about Haley. Hopefully I can sleep tonight.. even w/ good sleepy meds, when I'm this stressed out I have a hard time staying asleep!