Sunday, January 24, 2010

Why ask why?

Why? Why do we have to go through so much junk in our lives? Why do we have to watch our kids be born w/ birth defects and then suffer thru multiple surgeries? Why do we have to watch our kids deal w/ learning disabilites and do things they can't help? Why do parents die at too young of an age? Why do kids die before they even had a chance to really live? Why do so many parents divorce, abuse their kids, abandon their children? These are all things that I have experienced, or know someone who has. When Haley was in the middle of a hell-ish year of back to back surgeries, I SCREAMED at God, demanding he tell why he was allowing this to happen to my baby! He could have made her perfect, but didn't.Instead, I had to sit back and watch her suffer and endure more than any one should ever have to, AND knowing that her condition is chronic. It's not going away. God did answer me and to be perfectly honest, it took me a long time to accept it. The answer? God did NOT promise us that life would go smooth. That tragic, horrific things wouldn't happen. He did however promise that he would carry us thru. That's the hard part. Choosing to accept the answer and just put all our trust in God. I have days when I just need to forget, for just a little while, that we don't face many obstacles. I'm not perfect, I don't always handle the hard stuff well. My life, my kids lives are precious. Our family has endured a lot, but we are a family. We go thru it together. I fight the guilt that pours over me when we can't do something or go somewhere because Isaiah's having a meltdown and the other kids have to miss something. I tell them, and they know that it's not Isaiah's fault. That our life, is just going to be different someitmes. However I am coming to the realization that in the long run, hopefully, my children will see that life is always changing and sometimes you just have to rolll with the punches. I WISH God would have promised that life would be smooth, but He didn't. I can choose to accept that and accept his help, his wisdom to get me thru. I can also choose to go do my own thing and see how that works out. Well, let me just say, I have tried it my way...didn't work out too hot. So...I choose God. I am not and never will be perfect. I will and do have days that I have a hard time w/ that, but I'm working on it. Thankfully, God has given us families and friends that support us. They are there all the time for us. They love us despite our mistakes, shortcomings and days I might be throwing the pity party of the century, lol...Those are the things that get me thru the rough spots.