Sunday, January 3, 2010

God is GOOD!

Today was a good day. I vegged out all day pretty much, then we went to our friends', Mickey & Sarah's house for dinner and to hang out. Jeremiah babysat. That sounds so weird, lol...Last night I was driving and I a lot of times when I'm alone in the van I turn the radio and just talk to God. ne night, I even just screamed at the top of my lungs, complaining, yelling the whole 9 yards. At first I felt like " oh my goodness, am I out of line w/ God?" Then it occured to me, God already knows what I am thinking, and after all, he is God. He can handle what I can dish out. I just needed to get so much off my chest. So I did. And boy did it feel good. And I didn't feel bad. He knows my heart. So last night I was driving and talking to God. Praying really, that for 2010 would be better. Asking God for his leading, his guidance..etc. I also prayed specifically about our house situation. We have a land contract, we really really really want to buy it. However there are some roadblocks. mainly our credit. Well tonight while hanging out w/ some friends they gave us some tips about what they did that helped them buy their house. It just felt like, last night I prayed that God would open doors. I feel like he did that tonight. Isn't that cool? And it all comes down to trusting that God has our best interest at heart. He sees the full picture. I tend to forget to look outside the box. With some effort I intend to change that. I mean really, my entire adult life is a testimony. We've had ups and downs that most people never deal with. I won't lie and say that many times I really just was fed up. Why, really, seriously, why God did you pick US to have 2 disabled children? Well why not? God must trust us w/ our kids...a whole lot! People have said that to us and I thought they were just saying that to make me feel better. But, I am seeing the truth in that. God handpicked our children for us to parent. WOW! What an honor. Yes we have some difficult circumstances, however God is paving the way. So, instead of fighting it, it really is much easier to accept and live our lives. Now don't get me wrong, there are days where I have meltdowns, blowups, whatever. But, hey I am human. So for once in a long time I don't feel as overwhelmed as I have in recent months. Praise God. I serve a good, merciful, graceful God who loves me just as I am, where I am at and knows where my heart is at. I need to keep reminding myself that. I am going out on a huge limb here and addressing the fact that I have not gone to Sunday church in months. I am sure there are plenty of people w/ their opinions and can't even imagine what is being said about me. But honestly, God is not convicting me. So I refuse to let what others may think make me feel guilty. No one is dealing w/ the same issues I do. And I don't need to explain it all out just to make myself feel less guilty about not going to chruch. I haven't left God. It's about a relationship w/ him, that I still have. For a little while I was sorta doing my own thing, figured out real quick that that is not what I want for my life. Right now, as a family, Darnell works Sundays, so he can't go to church. As for me and the kids, we don't go. There, I said it. I did not get struck by lightning, I did not lose my relationship w/ the Lord. For our family this is the season we are in. So whether or not someone agrees, I really need to focus on my family first. If you don't agree, I am sorry for the person that can't respect decisions we make. I have gone to church my entire life. I am tired of living in guilt over EVERYTHING! God has NOT convicted me. So..that has been a very rough issue for me, however God has released me from the expectations of the world. It's me and Him. I answer to him. My kids are not going to be heathens. I guess I have rambled on long enough on this subject. Now that I have opened that can of worms, I'm sure there will be more to come. I know God will open doors, show me the ay. Until then, I will follow his lead. God is good. He provides for our family, blesses us beyond measure, even though we don't deserve it. So I am at peace w/ my life, for the most part. again, I am a work in progress. I'm so thankful God doesn't give up on us.